At 36 years old, I still feel my best. I know how hard it is to stay confident though. Having been picked on and still having to deal with judgmental people, I have had to strictly follow my own advice throughout the years. Confidence is a very difficult thing to hang onto these days. I could remember growing up how cruel other kids were. Then and today, children are taught by social conditioning and upbringing, to point out the flaws of other people. Individualism is truly a difficult thing to cope with, as it divides people from a sense of oneness,where comparison and competition start to breed.

“Society crushes confidence before a child gets a chance to build it”. ~ Alura Cein ; 2019

How confidence is destroyed…

I would like to add that since I am doing some parenting motivation here at the magazine, that you have to teach your children while they are still young, to love everybody regardless of their differences. I remember in another blog or project, I had mentioned how my youngest baby had seen an African-American male who had a lot of physical and mental disabilities at our local Walgreens. Because of how different he looked, many people at the store were pointing at him and snickering under their breath. Me and my little girl smiled at him brightly. While many other people couldn’t understand why we were smiling, I said loud enough to be heard, that we could see the soul inside and not just the outside.Another woman agreed in a loud “Amen”, and joined in with us in giving this person love and acceptance. However many people in the world are taught from a very young age, that if they do not resemble some good looking figure on television or the media, then they are not as equally to be admired. They are taught that others that do not look that way, are to be ridiculed and outcast. This is a great reason as to why confidence is robbed from us at such an early age. That, and among other factors such as emotional abuse, and social anxiety to name a few. If we could as a people, begin to show a better example in accepting each other no matter what level of success one has, no matter what their financial status is, no matter how their appearance looks like, we can certainly instill better morals in society, and in younger generations in how to help each other build confidence. I don’t laugh, we live in a very competitive world. Looks our emphasize, and if you are not successful, then you are nobody at all. That is a horrible way of superficially stereotyping other people. Others in similar fields try to be better than the other, and that can also take away from the confidence that a person striving to do their best, will need.

Maintaining confidence

With all of this, how can one maintain confidence? With social media making it seem as if you have to have a face full of make up and perfect features, how can we maintain a level of self-esteem in ourselves? It starts where all things should begin, within. Many people do not like the way that they themselves look because they are too busy comparing themselves to others. Each and every individual has a preference in appearance. For every man or woman, they have their preference in appearance for the opposite sex and what attracts them. But it is true that even people of the same gender can look at someone of that same gender, and determine whether that is an individual that they find in their eyes to be attractive or not. When you find someone who seems attractive, comparison begins.

Instead of seeing what you admire in that person as a reflection of yourself instead, a person starts to nitpick at themselves. They look at that person and compare it to themselves as to what they themselves are not. But in truth that is not the right way to look at things. When you see another person that you feel may be more attractive than yourself, it is very important for you to ask yourself what it is about that person that you admire most. All is meant to be a reflection. You have to learn from the reflections that you see another people. Not compare yourself to them. Therefore if you see someone else who has a better physique than yourself, perhaps it is not that you desire to have that same body, but maybe just that you desire to have the will power and motivation to get your own unique body into shape. Perhaps there are subconscious factors within yourself that take away from the strength and determination needed to add dedication and updating something like that as a goal. So therefore you would admire in someone else and knowing that that is their own unique body, and something that you cannot have, you are way of setting limitations for yourself. Instead, look at the person and tell yourself that if you work out and it means everything in the world to you, then you can get your own unique body into its own unique shape. And people will look at a very small insignificant things on them selves, that others do not even notice about them. For an example there have been many girls that have come to me about their profile. They do not like the side view of their face. My own daughter has often struggled with that herself. It is very important to understand what it is that she does not like. For her, it has always been that her face was a little rounder than others. But again, that is because my daughter has always been around other individuals who have had oval shaped faces with very chiseled features. In fact it is a predominant shape in my family. Admiring it in other members of the family and myself, my daughter did not appreciate the shape of her own face. But what does that reflect to her, about herself? Oh for an instance, it goes a little deeper than just the shape of the face. My daughter has always been a great admirer of me, her mother. I do believe that I have taken care of and carried myself well throughout the years. Having a loving family excepting and charismatic personality, I do not think that it had anything to do with the fact that she admired the shape of my face preferably over her own. I believe that it went deeper on an internal level that, she wanted to resemble me not just on the outside but within.

Perhaps there is work needed to be done within… if so life coaching can be beneficial to go deeper into insecurities, in order to work on eliminating them. For now, try this advice.

Tips on confidence…

1. Stop comparing yourself to others.

If you do, ask yourself what is it that you admire about them that indicates a need to improve an area on yourself. Accept that area, knowing you are unique.

2. Don’t waste time

Idle time leads to negative thinking. Lack of motivation often leads to being inactive and not caring about maintaining health, goals, or appearance. Push yourself.

3. Work on yourself

Study, work towards expanding your career, education, life purpose and fitness. That will be time consuming, where you won’t have time to sit around and think about all of the things that you have not published yet, or even sit and nit pick about yourself. Plus the closer and closer that you get towards your goals in those areas, will help expand your confidence later.

4. Find and Accept the “Unique”

Instead of looking at the shape of other peoples bodies or faces, how successful they are, or what they wear… start embracing your own truly qualities. Research your body type and how you can make it look it’s best. Research clothing that accentuates your figure. Look into the shape of your face. Style your hair to work with it. If a female, research cosmetics to highlight natural features.

5. Find your own style

Look at your timeline and favorite “looks” that you have had in the years. Adopt things that you like into your wardrobe and don’t worry about name brands or trend. Be a trend setter yourself! And don’t worry about fitting into a style category either. For some, they like boho, punk, tech tonic, hipster, hip hop, etc. If you like more than one, wear them all. Be you!

6. Don’t use others as a “mirror”

Stop asking friends, partners and family how you look. If they don’t share your taste, they may reply with constructive criticism and it could make you insecure. Ask yourself, how you look. Be confident with the answer.

Those tips will help you to build confidence. It certainly helps you to have more self acceptance. Those are the tips that I myself follow and they have worked for me for many years. I have my own style. I do what I want to do and I wear what I want to wear, when I want to. Nobody should ever feel like they have to be like everybody else, simply to feel good about themselves. I know that it’s hard to live in a world where everything is about trends. But obviously, if you can’t afford to keep up with all the trends out there, maybe it’s time to start your own. following the trend will certainly make you feel insecure when you purchase something that somebody else is wearing, and it doesn’t quite look the same on you. Start your own. Be OK with being yourself. And each day, your confidence will go up. You need help emotionally and mentally, that helps. Having coaching and a good support system and can help you work through insecurities that may be far deeper than just on the surface. Good luck.