My client Dana reached out to me because she was feeling very upset about some things. I told her that I was going to use this life scenario lesson, on my Facebook. I think many people go through this themselves.
Example of what friendship is not:
So, Dana received a message, from somebody that she hasn’t talk to, in awhile. It is the longest message,the person needing someone to talk, and asking for her advice. They had been friends for years, but really the only time that they talked, was when her friend needed to reach out about something. Usually, Dana would try to handle her own issues on her own. Just a month ago, Dana had explained to the person that she was suffering from migraine headaches and weakness and would be in touch, only when she recovered. Currently, it had something to do with some kind of stomach flu.
Barbara: “ Hello Dana, I’m just having a really awful time right now with some personal things and I need to ask your advice and to have someone to talk to”.
Dana: “ Oh, hello there, it’s good to hear from you, I am still a little under the weather, but of course I’ll be here for you, what do you need”?
Dana listened to everything that the woman had to say, and gave her some pretty valuable advice at the end of the conversation, that helped the woman to fix a very personal issue that she had been coping with. Apparently though, after Dana was feeling much better, she ran into a personal issue of her own. Barbara, had said she was her friend. Yet, when she had reached out to talk with her, this is the response that she got.
Dana: “Barbara, I’m in need, something has happened and I just wanted someone to talk to.”
Barbara: “ Sorry to hear that. But I’m still working on some things myself, but good luck”! By the way, before I go… Is it possible that you can lend me a few dollars since I am stuck in a jam?
Dana was beside herself in grief. Every time that her friend Barbara had needed her, she had always been there for her, even putting her own situations to the side. However, Barbara didn’t seem to really want to listen when Dana needed someone. And then, Barbara even put her own troubles before Dana’s situation. Dana could not understand why her “friend” really didn’t seem interested in what she needed to talk to with her about. After all of those years of always being there, Dana felt extremely disregarded. But she didn’t say anything, loaned her the money, and didn’t talk to her for a few days. Then suddenly Barbara came back.
Barbara: “Dana just checking in on you, I remembered that you said that you were having difficulties with something? I hope everything worked out, anyhow, I seem to be stuck in a jam again, is there anyway that you could provide me with a little bit more advice and some money again? I can pay you back soon. I really truly hope everything is working out for you!”
At that point Dana didn’t really know what to do. She had realized something that she didn’t realize before. Her realization had brought her to the understanding that Barbara was only acting as if she cared and was checking in on her, just so that she could very discreetly slip in what she needed, in there. And it was odd to Dana, because if the woman had really cared about her, she would have really put a lot of time and effort into being her friend, and in having the friendship go both ways in caring for one another. However Barbara, only seemed to ever really care about what was going on with herself or what she needed, during times that they spoke, she totally disregarded Dana, then would come back and act as if she were concerned later, adding again, another request of her own over top of it, to disguise the fact that she was really only contacting her for her own needs. So Dana asked me how she should handle the situation?
I told Dana, that a true friend is someone, that takes the time out to listen, as well as share what’s happening in their own life. True friends are always there for you in your time of trouble, and they don’t only act concerned, when they need something. I told her to talk to her friend Barbara about it, but Dana didn’t want to stir up confrontation. Instead, Dana decided that she was just not going to be friends with Barbara anymore after all. I had told her that there are some Friends that are the type who only come to you for advice. Then there will be friends that you simply go to, when you need it. But in truth, friendship definitely should go both ways. Only it seems, that people nowadays don’t really realize that. But to make matters worse, there were other things that she discovered too.
So she did decide after all, that she would back off from Barbara because of it. She would still be civil with her, but in truth… what kind of friend had Barbara had been anyhow? It’s not that Dana was being selfish. Instead, she had realized that it wasn’t she who was being selfish, but Barbara. And friendship is not meant to be selfish. Friendship falls under the category of unconditional love as it stated in the book of 1 Corinthians chapter 13, in the Bible. That scripture should pertain to all relationships that you have with others. And if a person is not exchanging an equal balanced relationship, then it may be time to move on. The other things that Dana had also realized?…. Well it was that, Barbara… many times had been gossiping about her behind her back, and not to mention had many times tried to very indirectly say something in front of others, to invalidate something that Dana had said. It was a shame that she was just now realizing this. But at the time, Dana had not really realized it, well… she did. Deep in her heart she kind of knew it. She overlooked it, simply because she had loved Barbara as a friend, as she was meant to under the true definition of friendship. Sometimes, it’s better to realize it later, rather than never. So Dana is not friends with Barbara anymore. But she cried to me on our phone conference last week, and she had stated that it was sad that most of her friendships were that way. Even her family relationships too!
So many people may be going through the same situation. Perhaps maybe all of your friends and family seem to really only be there, when they need something pertaining to them self. It’s hard to find true friends these days in a world full of ego, selfishness and greed. So Dana asked where could she find friends that were true? I told her good luck with that. She always has me, but other true friends? It’s going to be difficult to find nowadays. The best friend that she could possibly ever have, would be the friendship that she finds with her creator. In her relationship with the creator… she could change her life and become a role model to others who may change later as well, as a result. And she may just find true friends then. In the meantime, I stick by what I always say to everyone, and that is that if you are still working on yourself, give yourself that time to work on your journey. You don’t need the distractions of negativity or hurtful things being projected into your life from other people, while you are trying to stabilize and restructure yourself. The only thing that should matter, is working on your purpose and building your relationship with heaven.
Like attracts like. Dana had attracted friends that were not true friends at all, not because Dana herself doesn’t know how to be a friend or needs to learn that lesson through the reflection, because she does know how to be a real friend. Instead, it was teaching her a lesson of what she really wants in true friend, in order to bring better people into her life as she deserves. You see? Life is full of mirrors that teach you many things. But it’s like a huge fun house full of different types of mirrors. It’s not always meant for you reflect something exactly of yourself, although it does a lot of the time. Some of the other mirrors will show you lessons in what you’re looking for in your life versus what you have in it already. So Dana had attracted a lot of people to show her what she really valued in friendship, and that taught her to see some of the positive things that she valued in herself. Those things were that, she was selfless and always putting herself to the side for other people. She was very humble and non-confrontational, so as not to hurt anyone’s feelings… Even when others were trying to hurt hers. She was always ready to lend a helping hand in a time of need, and… she saw that she was the type of friend that it really didn’t feel it matter what she was going through at the time, but rather that the other person was more important. Seeing those things in herself, and not seeing them in others, had taught Dana what type of friends she wanted to really have. Now as she works on herself even more, she can start attracting them and have more positivity surrounding her, rather than getting her feelings hurt a lot of the time.
A valuable lesson in friendship! Indeed, friendship should always go both ways. In the meantime, while you are learning things about yourself, you may attract people that teach you what you want in life based on the things that you are not happy with, within what you observe in them. Or it may be showing you something that you your self, have to change… that maybe was not visible when looking at yourself, and appeared more clearly when looking at others. The only problem is, not a lot of people have a higher self reasoning to look at things that way, or to honestly evaluate themselves. In life coaching, I’m helping people to do that kind of reflection work on many levels. Personal development, is very important to be able to look at your life and your situations as well as the people in them, and come to a true and fair conclusion of what needs to be changed in your life. Dana still feels that even when she changes, she may struggle with being able to find real friends anyhow, because of the way that the world has become. While it’s true that many people are waking up to what’s going on in the world around them and it’s truth, how many are really truly waking up to themselves or to the greater perspective of Self, or the greater perspective of others? It’s true that friendship these days, doesn’t fall under the definition of friendship. People are overly concerned with what is going on in their own lives.
Alot of people these days only seek some kind of advantage, in one thing or the other…when it comes to others. You may notice people really only talk about themselves, ask things pertaining to themselves, ask for things that they need, and only seem to really care when they are in search of those things. Friendship to people these days, is defined on what you do for them or what you can offer them. some even use the title of friend and the fact that they associate with you. I can say that me, myself? Hey, I have had people who call themselves friends, and I received long messages from them when it came to something in their lives or path, but when I needed someone to talk to or ask me how things were, they were very short with me too. Dana and I have shared that experience.
I can definitely relate to Dana’s story. I am sure that you can as well. I even had some of the people who called me a friend, abandon me in the one moment of trouble that I needed their support the most. I may have the advantage to already see who is real and who is not, but my selfless heart does not always allow the advantage of doing something about it. I am glad that Dana did…
Personal Example of Lack of Friendship…
My own personal example is, a situation with someone who was close to me most of my life. I have loaned so much money that I did not really have at the time, to someone very close to me. Selflessly, I had taken their kids out to eat, bought them clothing, entertained them at my home, and I have loaned them alot of money thoughout time. I don’t mind. Money is paper, and heaven always gives me just what I need. But, whenever I asked for a ride somewhere, or even for them to just hang out with me to keep me company, they would make excuses. Even charging me money fo the local ride, at times in the past. Finally, when I had my baby shower I had hinted that I would appreciate one of their food trays, that they make infamously for their kids sports team events, for the baby shower for my guests. However, even after all that I have done for this person, they did not offer, and did not even send a card to congratulate me over the baby. I invite them places, but they always say no, due to health issues. Later they post pictures of their travels with someone else or their family. It made me realize that this person does not care about me, and that they only act as if they care when they need something, or are in need of a babysitter, wanting a night off fom their children.
So, yes, Dana is not alone. Many of us have experienced the same, if not closely similar issues in relationships in our lives. I will always be there for anyone, but I know and Dana should too, as well as all of you….that if the friendship does not go both ways, it is no friendship at all. Seek true friends. A few true ones, is better than a room full of fake friends, as the saying goes. And be careful. Friends are quick to pick out any little thing, to have an excuse to knife you in the back. Being a normal person in the world, you may not see it coming either. I have seen loyal childhood friends turn quickly on each other. I have even witnessed family do the same thing.
Example of true friendship…
My early life has never truly contained what the heavens view as “real” friends. I was very lucky to have met a few who are, in my adulthood. The first real friend that I had made, is still my best friend now today. We met spiritually prior to being on Earth, and also in spirit… as children. I met her officially in 2013. We hit it off from the start. Both of us are very different people. She enjoys life around her. I enjoy heaven around me. I strive to have nothing and instead devote my time to help others. She strives to have much, to help others financially. She fits into the scene here in this world. Yet, I am reserved and have no concern about the worldly life.
Nevertheless, what makes us true friends is… that whenever either of us have an issue, we are there. Our conversations and texts are never centered on one of us individually. We ask how one another is, talk about each other, and then speak about what is going on with ourselves. She gives me advice even if I don’t need it LOL. It is still good to hear a view from Earth perspective, as she is more in the world even though awake and still practicing virtue. I also advise her. We often put our heads together to see if there is some middle ground to work around things. We also text each other daily. Not with some short message. But we conversate throughout the day, and it does not matter if we leave each other hanging, because the understanding in the friendship is there, that we both have alot going on. We compliment one another. She does not try to take anything away from me that she knows means alot, and I don’t do that to her either. We respect each other and in other words, we do not compete. She knows that my purpose is mine, and hers, is hers. And we do anything that we can to help each other make it in our missions here on Earth.
Also, there isn’t any jealousy. I see my friend as a beautiful woman and while most people would feel intimidated, I am happy for my friend’s beauty and even encourage her in how to enhance it. She admires mine too. We can share fashion ideas, or even wear the same thing, and not feel threatened. I know that she is not copying off of me because she thinks she can rock it better, but because she admired it. We look up to one another. I think jealousy comes from ego, and from the competition that people develop when they feel insecure enough that they feel threatened, even by someone that they are supposed to love. It does happen though. I have had friends who copied me to be spiteful. but I am not competitive, so I usually let them know that I see what they ae doing, and I will go find something else of my own. If it meant that much to someone to copy out of spite, let them have it. I am sure that people who know us, will know where it came from anyhow. That’s on them. but yes, I am happy for my friend. All of the way.
We also accommodate each other. She travels with alot of stuff! I am orderly and obsessively neat. When she comes, I make sure that she can feel free to leave her stuff whereever she needs to. When I travel, she makes sure that the place that she finds for me, is a place that bad energy will not affect me. She will find a place for me, book accomodations, and my tickets for the airlines too, knowing that I am not familiar with all of that and that I am too busy sometimes to do it myself. She ensures that my energy and abilities are okay with people, places and things. I make sure that she is okay with with life issues. She also knows when to be a friend or when it is time to be on a business level with me. she does not take advantage of me for free readings or services, no does she use the friendship as a way to gain discounts. She knows that it is my way of surviving. But, because she respects me, I do give her a discount and alot of times do free stuff for her on the side.
True friends know one another. If I am quiet or don’t reach out, she knows automatically that something is going on, and she won’t hesitate to push at me to see if I am okay. When she is distant, I know to ask as well. Knowing your friend is important. Most people don’t last in friendships, because they are only focused on how a person is a friend to them. not in how they can be a friend to the other person. A true friend would give their last dime, or go out of their way to be there, even if they lived far away. Also, you care about where one another goes in life. Me and my friend are always trying to help each other. I share her stuff online, she shares mine. I never see her hesitate to share for me. Even though she does not get much support on her shares, she never gives up. She doesn’t figure it is hopeless and leave me hanging, she continues to have faith in me, and that one day people will see her posts.
In life, I add suggestions, and she gives me hers. Friends care about your well being, even in how you are treated by others. With me and my friend, we always look out for people who may not be in each other’s best interest. And when there is an issue, we don’t tire of listening to each other about it, even if it has been ongoing for a long time and is repeated a billion times.
True friends will also want to know your family. They will treat your family, like family. My friend includes my kids in every thing and actually sits with my parents when she visits. Friends can tell you anything too, and it will never go beyond the two of you. The friendship provides a safehaven, a protector, and someone who will always have your back. They don’t gossip or seek to embarrass you. You have a true depth in respect to protect them to any extent. That is because it falls under the scripture of unconditional love.
Friendship is a gift. Consider how hard friendship is to find, so when you do find it, hang onto it and treat your friends well. When I call someone a friend, I mean it. And I am never afraid to be honest, but in a kind way. I hope that Dana and even some of you out there seeking true friends, find some. In the meantime, you have a friend in me, as much as I can spread myself about for everyone, as that is my intention, to share love.
While the definition of friendship and family has changed, don’t forget the best friendships that you can have are the ones that you have with your creator and with yourself. Also, if you need to know the Hidden Truth about someone in your life, if they are a real friend or someone to be on the look out for,, I offer readings to help in discovering what hides beneath the surface, to better safeguard yourself from being hurt later on.
Spiritually Awkward 