Motherhood

It isn’t easy being a mother in the world today. Right now, I have two children. Amber and Noah. I love being a mother, to the kids that I have, and to the kids who look up to me, and even the animals that I come to adopt. However, I am looking for some changes in my family, and in my life.

I always knew which children that I would come to have, and sometimes there are the unexpected, unforeseen losses that occur. With RH negative blood, I had lost a few babies in my past due to Rh sensitilization. It was devastating, but I always knew that they had chosen to be within, simply to come to feel the love of the inner womb of an angelic being, but not partake in the world itself just yet. I was okay with that, but still it was hard to let go. But yes I understand how many other girls and women feel when they have to lose a child. And I certainly understand the process on multiple levels. In my line of work I have been able to help many understand the reasons why and to find closure.

My daughter is a good girl. She will be 18 years old in April of 2018. and is one of the most helpful people to me in my life. She is a best friend, and a spiritual student, and companion all at the same time. She doesn’t smoke. She isn’t into dating, as she has waited to meet the right person, but she sacrifices the opportunity to find them due to working with me and helping me. She does not go out, or engage in the worldly social things going on. It must be hard for her. However, it keeps her strictly aligned with righteous morals, and it keeps her from getting hurt by others, or even herself as so many have the tendency to do, through poor decision making. Amber has been semi-psychic since she was small. Like me, she started young, maybe it was my influence, maybe it was her own. Nonetheless, at least I was there to assist her, as I had noone there to help me except the angels and the heavenly father. I am grateful, but it would had been nice to have a physical person there by my side. She got that gift in me.

Both of my children were born like me, with platinum blond hair. I was pale blond until the age of 13, as it darkened into mixed blond of darker and lighter blond strands. They each went fatherless too. All that they have ever had was me.  In between my children, I did date a bit between marriages, and the truth is, I was told by the angels that I would be a mother of many, but alone in companionship while in my service to others. My children would be my only company. But, I did not want to have intimacy or children out of wedlock, so I married. Although it really does not matter because heavenly father is the one who delivers blessings such as children and if a child comes to an unmarried couple, then that is according to the heavens and up to the heavens only.

Still, I always wanted to do things the traditional way, so that I could be a good example on the surface. Really true love is something that comes spiritually though. If you don’t have a divine union with someone, then a piece of paper doesn’t really matter does it? My first husband, I loved.  He had some issues, but was the closest thing to a twin flame that I would have had…at the time.

In the few that I dated after him, it was always one date here or there, with a friend from high school, but never lasted. Just a dinner date, and then friendship. I just didn’t have any room in my life as it was full of giving my undivided attention to people who would need help, as I always do…and love to do. I was seeking someone who resembled Heavenly Father anyway.

It is not easy to be me, because people around me are not safe within their own mind. That is what everyone closest to me says anyhow. Many times normal people don’t know what one another is thinking and therefore they are safe even in their thoughts. Even with the accidental ones that come very quickly as a mistake. Fleeting things that pass through the mind, that the person really didn’t mean. But I pick up on it all. And I know it should not hurt, but it does. So for example, if my ex-husband had an impure thought by mistake, I would pick up on it, and it would break my heart. I always said that I really truly wanted someone that didn’t have so many impurities. Or at least certain kinds, that would hurt me directly. I mean more like sexual thoughts towards other individuals while he was with me. Now that hurts.

Although I know that it is human nature to feel sexual attraction, heavenly father always taught me that a man who truly loves his wife, will not look upon another. He says that even if you look at another, it is just as bad as acting out the deed… because the mind is a part of the soul. So in actuality, if in your heart and mind you desire something, then you have just used two innermost layers of who you are, to want it. And that’s two extra energy’s above just the physical. Now you have to use all three in order to make the actual physical act occur, but even just two of them alone is bad enough. I totally understand the concept, and I agree. A man or a woman who loves their partner would never have any impure thoughts about anyone else while they are with them, because they would only ever just love and desire them. So being with another person has always been very hard for me because of that. The pains of imperfections have never caused me to judge anyone, but I’m very easily hurt, and so I try to protect myself and safeguard myself, because of the level of depth in which I love. I love purely and truly, without condition or reservation. I love without any reason. And when I love someone whether a friend, family member or companion, I give to them my loyalty. This means that there’s nothing that they could ever do or say that would make me not love them anymore. However, because I am so sensitive and always in tune, it does not take away from the fact that sometimes mistakes and imperfections can hurt, even the ones that are not meant to be known of. Still, I expect the same love in return… mind, heart, body, and soul.

I can’t expect everybody to be perfect, or to expect them to be like me though. And since I am always reading into spirit, I always felt that it was better to be on my own. But I always wanted more children to help those souls to become better people in this world that we need so much.

In the marriage that I had with Noah’s father, he was a lost soul. He did change alot to be with me. He started reading the Bible, and tried to let go of the issues that he had, but I told him that I had known that his life would not last, seeing his untimely death. In return, I did ask him to help me have my son. He definitely wanted to leave a part of himself behind in the world, since he would be leaving it, and I definitely wanted another member to add to my tribe. He passed away when Noah was just very small.

After Noah was born, I remained celibate and single. My son, alas… he is another story. An adorable little boy, he started bright eyed with a great love of heaven and spirit. He used to bow and pray with me. And like my own human father did with me, I would read children’s Bible stories with him. However, now that he is 11 years old, the fate that I had seen and tried so hard to divert him from, is happening. He is a newer soul, and they come into this world to experience it.

Unfortunately, that includes making mistakes, going along with peers, and all just in the attempt to find one’s self. He does everything the opposite as to what I tell him, even though I have taught him well. I know he may get into trouble later, but I am here for his soul. To nurture it and supply him with unconditional love through it all.  I will guide and direct with great patience. Although, he does hurt me in disregarding my teachings. Every soul is different, and since the heavens have already determined that he will learn through his experiences, then I have to except that that is how he is going to have to learn. But I am here to safeguard him and for him to call on, should he need it. I plant the seeds of wisdom, that one day in his adulthood he will look back on and finally come to use then.

Now, I had always wanted to be a mother again. I love children, and would had loved to have had a whole tribe of them. However, it did not seem to be a part of the path for me at the time. During my work, I had many female clients who have given birth in the years, and secretly in my heart I wanted to have another of my own, one of heavenly origin to live on with my message and work. It didn’t seem possible then. I did not even have a normal menstruation. Mine was absent for many many years because I did not need it. In total honesty, the only time I have ever had a menstruation, was when I was ready to reproduce. Afterwards, it disappeared. But without one, I knew that obviously the heavens were implying that I would not come to have any children of my own, on my own, right then. Plus, I did not have a companion or partner to have one with at the time.

So, I looked into adoption.  I specifically looked into adopting disabled orphans whom I felt really had less of a chance to be taken in, due to the amount of time, money, and attention that they were in need of.  Many who seek adoption want a newborn, or at least a healthy child. So I looked into an adoption agency with disabled children and found a young boy there whom I had interest in. Heavenly Father had told me his fate was that he would grow up in the orphanage until the age of 18, without a family and then be given to the state. He was confined to a wheelchair. A very adorable little boy named Alex. I went every week once a week to play games with him and build puzzles, to build a relationship with him. But I did know in my heart that he more than likely was not going to come home with me. I was right.

I was told after spending time with the boy, that I was not accepted in my application due to income, as he would need special medical equipment and care. In another office, I was told by the social worker there, that it may be hard to ever adopt, due to my being single. I cried. I thought of IF, and even surrogacy, because again I did not have a menstruation. Even if I had, I would have been terrified, as the last time that I was pregnant with my son, things did not go well at all. With my daughter, she is an RH negative blood type, so our blood was compatible. The pregnancy went smoothly. With my son, there were terrible complications and I was on bed rest throughout the entire pregnancy due to RH incompatibility. During my C-section, they never even had the opportunity to numb me, because my body was rejecting all of the medication. I felt the entire incision, and it was something like a horror movie to me at the time. Definitely not really something I would want to go through again, but if I wanted to have another child anytime in the future, I would have to put my fears to the side.

I remember recently, my friend Lily had a baby. I went out and bought the little guy some presents and had so much fun baby shopping. Other girls that I had worked with throughout my career, had also had children throughout the years… like I said. In my heart, I am such a nurturing and loving person. I knew my days of motherhood were not over. I prayed and prayed for heavenly father to help me. He had told me then, to keep hope because I was definitely meant to bring in another soul like me into the world, who would help others. He said to be patient.

Not long after, I had a dream that I was holding a baby, and that the baby handed to me a heart made of rose quartz crystal. This was symbolic that the child would be full of a strong heart center, pure of love and sensitive in their emotions. Virtuous like an angel should be. I shared this vision with the group that I lead on FB, with all of my most loving friends. One of them on the phone told me that, she felt that I would come to have another child soon. I knew then at the time of my dream, that my time in motherhood would be approaching. I was trying to drop hints along the way, in hopes that some would catch on to this future prediction of my third and final child coming into the world in the future. Children are such a blessing in life and they are such innocence and full of such wonderful capabilities to be a better change around us if raised in the correct manner. There are so many people out there who long for motherhood like me, that is definitely something to be honored when it takes place.

So now, I am announcing to everybody that I will be bringing in another child into this world. Upon heavenly father’s prediction, I will usher in a new Messenger. Due to some health complications that I had in the beginning, and the fact that I have many enemies who would wish me Ill, it was advised to me by my angels, not to tell anyone until I got past a certain stage of my pregnancy. So here I am, finally allowed to tell everyone. You see, all things happen for many reasons. I happily have another child to bring into this world to continue heavenly father’s work. Obviously, I could not trust anyone else to do it, and I would have left it to Amber and Noah. But they see how hard it is on me, and I certainly don’t want to put that kind of pressure on them. It certainly isn’t any pressure for me myself, because I am meant to do it. They are meant to be here by my side, and to simply explore life as well, not to live in service. And if they want to help here and there, they can. But we need somebody who can fill these great shoes. I know a lot of you out there reading this, will also come to help heavenly father and his mission as well. And I hope that you also help this new soul as they grow up in the world, years down the line when I am no longer here. But in truth, who would have continued my websites and blogs for me? I’m still going to need a lot of you, to make sure that they go down the right path. I can only keep pushing my soul contract as far as it can go. I’m definitely done with this planet, but I at least wanted to leave it with something more than just some typed blogs and memories in the minds of other people. I wanted to leave it with another messenger, who others can rely on. We welcome into the world a new angel, I am now three months. I just got done suffering carbon monoxide poisoning though, go figure. But everything is fine.

I would also like to document this pregnancy and journey, for others out there who may be carrying a child too. Even more so, those who may have Rh negative blood type, and may need help throughout their pregnancies in understanding some of the spiritual things that they may be going through. I hope that you will join me in this new journey, and be a part of the baby’s life too. I know there will be a lot of wonderful aunt and uncle’s to love them.

I have poured my heart and soul out here, and it has not been an easy journey so far. I only ask for prayers, and good energy to be sent, as well as support as I have been there to support so many of you. I may be angelic, but I am here in a human body having some human longings too. Especially as an angelic who only has a lot of love to give, and is always seeking others to give it to. Another soul to nurture, is just the right source to pump it all into. I have to tell you though, my intuition is off the radar these days as a result and I have already bonded with the soul to know that they are going to be even more psychic than I am. I thought I liked being a know it all LOL, but wow LOL. The point is we angels are full of God and Goddess energy, and what type of Goddess energy would I be… if I couldn’t use it to create? Look, I’m on my own. But I have always been okay with that.  I am a mother of many. I nurture everyone, and in that I only have more to give. I never needed anyone but my heavenly parents, and the love of all of you, and my children. In truth my life is for all of you and for heaven. I love the Goddess energy of being a woman who does not need any man, and who can as an oracle live divinely on my own. Plus, it would not be fair to ask someone to put themselves to the side, in having a relationship and always putting everyone else before the relationship. Being with someone like me must be hard, as I don’t eat or sleep like normal people, and I certainly have special needs. While many want to go out and have fun, I am already done with that part of this world, and content being safe in my home shielded from the negative energy. I am called on, when I am called on. But children? I would have adopted, or had my own, as many as the lord would have allowed had it been possible. This little angel is a true gift to me, and I couldn’t be more overjoyed.

Love and light!