Keep calm, let them learn: The of Cause and Effect and Parenting

Understanding toddler behavior and How Confidence and responsibility help to create well behaved children.

Welcome to this article, dearest spiritual parent! If you were especially looking into this subject, then you have come to the right place! I admire that you aren’t just winging it or doing what your parents did with you, and that you are looking for real answers that can help you to raise truly virtuous children.

Let’s start by saying that it  is a good idea to teach your children proper manners and etiquette from a very early age. You want them to be able to conduct themselves properly when around other people. Your children represent you. 

Little Miss/Mr Independent 

However you can’t really say that too much, when they are toddlers. When children are between the ages of the newborn all the way up to about five years old, they are still learning. From the time that your child has come out of the womb, they are 100% dependent upon you. There is no world except mommy. You provide the food, bath them, you keep them tidy, you dress them… basically you answer their every beck and call. They know that as their mother, you already know if they’re cold, if they’ve eaten too much or too little, and if they’re just tired or bored. But when they start taking their very first steps, the whole world changes for them. 

It’s not to say that mommy isn’t still the center of their universe, it’s just now they’ve discovered other planets LOL. Those other “planets” include; other people, objects, tastes, sounds,  their own bodies, color… everything around them! You have to imagine that they are brand new here, seeing everything for the first time. It’s a truly amazing moment as they are growing. Literally everything is cool! They think that they can do what anyone else does, or at least they’ll try to. Crawling, and walking equals independence. 

The truth about every toddler’s perception…

Children are fascinated by almost anything and everything from the time that they start walking. As a toddler, it is a very crucial period of time for both child and parent because this is the biggest area of discovery. They are learning about almost everything. Can you imagine a subject that you were really fascinated with in your life, at school or maybe as a hobby? Well everything around them is like that. The flashing light on the microwave, the spaces behind furniture and under them, any kind of buttons and handles, and believe me they do explore it all. If it is there, they are trying to understand it. Parents need to have a lot of patience during that time. The problem is, many of them try to, but they don’t really exhibit the correct amount of patience that they really should. 

No, doesn’t mean no?

Try to imagine a scenario where your toddler keeps trying to stick their finger or some other object into the electrical socket. You keep telling them not to do that and you explain why, you did very well doing so… But yet they still continue to go back over to the same electrical socket and repeat the same action over and over again. The mother has to keep going over there to pick the child up, and move them away from the socket only for them to go back to it a few moments later. Even the best of parents get frustrated at stuff like that. They wonder why their child keeps doing it when they’ve smacked their hand, told them not to do it, explain why it’s a bad thing, over and over again. But to the child they don’t understand. They hear what the parent is saying and they know that there’s something wrong because the parent is upset about it, but to them, it’s no big deal. Why is that? You have to go back to the law of cause and effect.

“Cause and effect is very important in parenting because when a parent is getting frustrated during moments where their child is not listening, they just have to remember that they’re probably not going to listen until they do something that causes an effect. The child has to see what is going to happen in order to truly understand the extent of what the parent is explaining”.

Alura Cein

Let them learn…

Everything is spiritual in life. For many people, spirituality is just about wearing some esoteric stuff and playing around with crystals, experimenting with spells or taking great pictures of themselves meditating. Some of them even try to become psychic or read cards. But for those that are truly spiritual, they recognize spiritual quality in everything. As a teacher myself in spirituality, I try to teach my students to look for this in all things around them. Including parenting. Cause and effect is very important in parenting because when a parent is getting frustrated during moments where their child is not listening, they just have to remember that they’re probably not going to listen until they do something that causes an effect. The child has to see what is going to happen in order to truly understand the extent of what the parent is explaining. You can tell your child that they’ll get electrocuted how many times, but they don’t even know what electrocuted means. You try to tell them it’s a zap, it can hurt you, it can kill you, but they’re thinking; “This is just a little tiny hole that my finger fits into, in the wall? What’s the big deal”? In order for them to really get it, they have to put their finger in the hole and get zapped. But no parent is going to allow that to happen. For many things, it’s probably just a good idea to block off a lot of the things you don’t want your child to get into, if you don’t want them to get a bad effect from their actions.

That’s why they started making electrical socket covers, and baby gates. well there will be many things that you will need to shield your child from, there are some things that you will need to allow to happen, for them to learn. They need to see the effects of their actions in a lot of cases, in order to become wise. However parents do not have a whole lot of patience in regards to their children and a lot of them just don’t wanna have to deal with it. And so, they don’t really allow them to have any experiences. Instead they just continue to usher them away from things and isolate them so that they don’t really learn. The toddler keeps a baby mentality throughout their toddler stages as a result. Then when they do start to learn things, the parent will go through even more frustration later, because they’ll think that because the child is older that’ll know better by that time. But that is not necessarily true. 

Just because they did something and something happened as a result of it once, does it mean that they’ve learned. In fact a toddler will have to do something repetitively and reap the consequences of their actions a couple of times before it really sets in that they probably shouldn’t be doing that. That’s why many toddlers out there draw on the wall, jump on the furniture, and try to play with everything except their toys.

Kids think that the adult world is so cool because they look up to the adults in their life. Their greatest role models are getting to do so many other things. Because they strive to be like the person that they are closest to, they’re going to want to do what their parents are doing rather than sit down and actually play with the toys that they should be playing with. They don’t see the parents sitting there playing with the toys do they?

Parenting does really require that you be very patient and understanding. It’s not about you anymore. Your entire life has now been sacrificed to the little tyrant that you has following you around now lol. This means that you can pretty much say goodbye to your friends, going out places that you like to go to, and having any moment of true peace and quiet. If you have people in your life to help you, then that’s a wonderful thing. Having that kind of support gives you the ability to at least go out and do some things, and take a break. Everyone knows, every mommy needs one. I myself don’t have a lot of help. To be honest with you, even if I did, I don’t think I would want it. I truly want to look back on the years of my children’s lives and say that I was the one that guided them through all of the most important stages. And I know that I will teach them the best. 

Guiding Correct Behavior

One of the important lessons of a toddler‘s life as well as any other older child, is how to behave in certain situations. They have to learn proper etiquette, manners, and conduct. I have to admit that mine are a little bit on the wild side at times but that’s just out of sheer excitement. As an angelic oracle, I am extremely sensitive and I don’t really go to a lot of places. When I do, I usually take very secluded places or ones that are not as crowded. An oracle always reflects those that are around them for the people to see themselves in that mirror reflection of the oracle standing in front of them. We then provide the insight and predictions that the person needs through this. And these are not just mirror card predictions or generalized pieces of advice. We truly go deep into the person’s soul so that they can reach true enlightenment. That is for those of us that are real. 

I really don’t have a lot of people around me very often except when I’m working with them. Because of that, my little ones are usually only ever around just me.

 Even though I’m very quiet, very gentle and kind, my little ones are still at times a little bit wild and they do express their emotions through actions. This can sometimes mean that they are jumping around because they’re happy. It can and it does take place. Almost always at the wrong place, at the wrong time.  While the judgmental onlooker views it, what they don’t understand is that the little kids are just really excited to be where they’re at. For children, every place is a new adventure. Even a doctor’s office. There are so many mothers who can’t understand why their children are running around the doctor’s office, when they should be sitting down patiently and quietly. 

It takes a lot of effort to be a real parent. Nobody is perfect and for many parents, they will make a lot of mistakes. However, parenting can be a lot easier for both the parent and the child. If you are yelling at your child all of the time for things like I mentioned above, they are going to think that you are a mean parent. This is because in their mind they’re not doing anything wrong but exploring the world around them. They should learn to obey their parents, yes, and they will. But through exploring they will learn what happens with certain things and then either learn a great lesson from it or lose interest in overtime. It’s a waiting game. You do want to make sure that your children are always safe from dangers. 

You will get frustrated even when you are trying to display the utmost patience. But it is a truth that in the child’s mind they are just looking at this great big world around them and trying to understand it. They see everybody else bigger than them, doing all kinds of things. In their mind they wonder why they can’t do them too. It makes them feel less important. A lot of parents just tell their children to go sit down and watch TV or play with their toys. While that is a normal thing, it’s important to include your child and teach them. If they feel like they’re always in the background, and they get yelled at for things… They’re definitely going to start exhibiting their own frustration. This will take place through temper tantrums and defiance. 

There is an age where all toddlers become defiant though. This is where they are testing their own limits and boundaries when it comes to the world of child and adult. They also still don’t know all of the effects of their actions and what can happen regarding a lot of things yet. They understand that they’re being told to do something or not to do something, but in their mind they’re thinking that they can walk, run, and talk… Until they were like the big people now. And they will go and do what they want to do, in their little mind of their own. They hear you saying no but to them they think it’s without reason. Telling your child that they have to sit down and remain calm and quiet for a little while, is not as clear as you think. They know what you’re telling them to do, they just don’t understand the importance of it. If you tell them it’s because you are at a certain place where there are people, they are not going to understand that those people get aggravated with loud children running around, they are going to think that those bigger people can tolerate it just like the other big people around them every day such as their parents. It’s like trying to explain to a dog that he’s naked. He simply just isn’t going to understand what it means. That’s where cause and effect comes in. 

When somebody else says something to your child instead of you, then they start to understand the reactions of other people. It really does take a lot of effort, time, and understanding. You have to be consistent in teaching your child a matter how busy you really are.

The one thing that will truly really help you in parenting will be providing your child with a lot of listening, understanding, and praise. Doing lots of things that can help raise your child’s confidence, will most certainly help. Remember, they don’t know why they can’t do things and why other people can. They don’t know much about anything until something happens as a result. The best way to approach this is to give your child things that they can do. Not just kiddie things either. Give them true chores and responsibilities. Being a spiritual teacher, I cover parenting and so many other areas of life that require a spiritual outlook and way of doing things. Parenting is definitely one of them because you are responsible for the way that that person will grow up and who they will become later on in their life. Even if your child grows up wanting to be different than you, they will still have a lot of subconscious characteristic traits and behaviors that they have picked up from you. If you don’t have your life together and you’re not setting the best example, then it’s going to go either one of two ways. Either your child is going to repeat your mistakes, or they’re going to fear being anything like you entirely all together. Even in the case that they don’t want to be like you, they will still be a lot like you. Even at times that they don’t realize it. 

It’s like I always say to my students that as a teacher, I have to make sure that I’m a good one. I don’t want to be responsible for messing up somebody’s life. I truly wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did. Parents have that same responsibility when it comes to raising people up in the world, for the future. Everything you do as a parent will affect your child mentally and emotionally. You have to be able to be patient, understanding and provide confidence. Don’t just jump the gun in wanting to reprimand your child.

I can help you to understand

My own personal example to share, may help to bring light to what the information in this article is trying to say. 

I clean my house every day at the same time, I always did. When my toddlers were one and two years old, they would always grab the kitchen broom and swing it around. Imagine the horror of everybody else in the room, who had witnessed these two little kids just swinging this very big broom around. I would go to clean the windows, and my little Alexander would  grab the window spray as soon as I had said it down and then he would spray it all over the place. At the same time, my two-year-old little girl would grab the laundry basket and dump all of the clothes out onto the floor. If I went to grab the broom or the window cleaner from them, they would run away with it all, running around, away from me in circles. I’m sure that it looks like a regular fiasco! Anyone there would have seen me chasing these two little kids around while they continue to swing a broom and spray window cleaner all over the floor. I’m sure that anyone there would have thought that I had a couple of bad little kids. But was that what was really going on there? Many other mothers would have probably thought the same as any onlooker viewing my situation from the side, if they were going through the same thing themselves too. How many mothers out there have actually yelled at their kids are doing something similar or the same? But was it actually justified to yell at them at all? Were they really being bad? Or maybe is it just a misunderstanding on the parents part?

I didn’t yell at them and I certainly wasn’t mad when I was chasing them either. I was merely just trying to take the window spray away so that he wouldn’t get it everywhere or even on himself as I’m sure it had chemicals in it. I would praise them and thank them for helping me instead. Then I would explain why I had to take away the cleaning tools and give them another job to do that was safer like wiping the spray off of the window for me, after I sprayed it for him myself. when my little girl had been swinging the broom around, I would just merely thank her for trying to help, and tell her that I had to take the broom because I didn’t want her to accidentally knock something over and get into trouble and that I was grateful for her effort but that I would continue to do the rest so that we didn’t miss a spot. Then I would go on to ask her if she still wanted to help me and if so, she could hold the dustpan for me while I use the broom. I would then go on to give her the smaller tool, the dust pan. A little light plastic pan, that really couldn’t do any damage to anything.  They were actually extremely enthused that they were being taught how to clean which is exactly what they were trying to do from the beginning. A little boy who is about one years old, isn’t going to know how to hold the broom properly and he’s going to lose control of his motor skills. This is why it appeared that he was swinging it around when that wasn’t actually his intention to. It’s also an obvious fact that he sees me spraying the cleaning fluid, but he doesn’t really know that it’s only meant just for the windows. He’s just trying to achieve squeezing the sprayer at all, which can be hard for little hands. Trying to spray it and getting some out of it generally, made him feel proud of himself.  But he was getting it on the floor which, to an adult, isn’t really the ideal area that you would want to have a bunch of window spray 

I understood their intentions and I certainly tried to help them accomplish them. This is the problem that most parents have, they don’t really see. They just look at the surface from their own point in the world, and they don’t come down to the child’s perception. If parents could and then try to help them and also add a little bit of praise to build confidence, their children would be far better behaved.

I definitely wanted to make sure that my children knew that they were in trouble for trying to help me out. It’s not that I’m trying to say that parents that do yell at their kids for such things are bad parents. I’m just trying to say that perhaps maybe they’re looking at things from the wrong angle that leads them to handle things in a way that isn’t healthy or really teaching their child anything. Instead it gives the child the illusion that the parent is angry when they try to help and then they get confused about good and bad behavior. If they think that they’re going to get into trouble for trying to do something good, then the next thing that they’re going to do is to try to act up to get attention instead.

“Kids want to learn and they want to learn how to impress you to get your approval, so that they can know that they are learning the world around them the correct way. They will look for praise, attention, learning, and for the causes and affects around them in their world.”

Alura Cein

Telling your child that what they’re doing is wrong, and not really reading the situation accurately to help them do what’s right shows them also that you pay attention to negative behavior but that you don’t reinforce positive behavior. This confuses the child to believe that they will get attention for negative behavior more so. Then you will notice that your child starts acting defiantly on purpose. If you know that you’re doing all of the right things and your child is defiant anyway, there could be other reasons for that. When a child reaches the age of three and four, they become naturally defiant. However, children sometimes act that way when they feel that they’re not getting enough attention, they are bored, or that they are emotionally distressed over something going on around them. Kids pay attention to more things than people think. Even if you’re having a private conversation in the next room, and you think your child can’t hear, they do and, they will listen. Children are so very curious that if they’re told not to do something the first reaction is to want to explore why. If you go off to talk to someone privately and you tell them to stay put, they’re going to be at the bottom of the door eavesdropping instead. It’s not to misbehave, but rather to learn why they weren’t allowed to listen at all. What are the parents talking about that they can’t talk in front of them as they always do? What’s so important or secretive that it can’t be shared in front of them, since the parents usually always do talk out in the open? They want to know why they’re not included. They don’t understand that there are subjects that only adults should hear about. Even if they don’t go to the door to listen, they will pay great attention from wherever they are in the home. They are extremely observant and they can pick up on vibrations pretty easily. If there is something wrong, they’ll notice it through their mother’s body language. You have to imagine that this was a little critter that was attached to your insides for the longest time, and then latched onto you on the outside until they could walk on their own. Believe me they know you, a lot better than you think. If something is going on, they know about it, and they will act up because of it.

Try… and they will too. 

Parenting requires a great deal of not only patience, but also repetition. You’re not going to get through to your child the first 100 times lol. Believe me. The idea is that if you try and you stick with it, they will too. They’ll notice positive patterns in how you are teaching them and they will want to cooperate. If not at first, then most certainly later.

Kids want to learn and they want to learn how to impress you to get your approval, so that they can know that they are learning the world around them the correct way. They will look for praise, attention, learning, and for the causes and affects around them in their world. Give your child a chance.

This advice works for all ages between 1 and 16. Even when older, your child is still experiencing the same thing, just in different ways.