I had intended to include this in a private message to someone that I felt needed to hear it. However, upon writing it, the Lord advised that I should make it a public letter because there are actually many people in need of hearing these very same words. Therefore, here we are.
As you know, I tend to write on this blog, almost as if it’s my public journal. Many of you know many deep and intimate things about me in my life as I’ve been extremely open and transparent to everyone. However, I don’t think that I’ve touched base on my soul contract change much, other than just mentioning that I had changed it. So, I would like to talk about that for a minute. I would have done a video, but I’m working on another topic right now and thought sometimes I’m a little better at expressing things when I write my words out anyhow.
Learning In Life
First, I want to share that I’ll be creating some videos soon where I’ll talk openly about some of the struggles I’ve faced in my life. I feel it’s the right time to do so because I know many of you might have gone through similar experiences. It’s important to embrace all parts of ourselves, especially as we work toward Awakening and preparing ourselves for heaven. Through experience, we gain wisdom—especially if we’ve learned from those experiences. If we don’t learn from our mistakes or lessons, then that’s truly folly.
In some cases, people simply lack guidance and don’t get it the first few times around. And that’s okay, too. Sometimes, individuals take the path of severity on the tree of life, but ultimately, it all depends on where you’re at in your journey. The Lord Himself says that when you’re working on things in your final lifetime—your last opportunity to evolve and ascend—you must work through your karma and fulfill your purpose. Otherwise, the whole journey might seem meaningless.
Yet, even in those moments, it’s still your story—your experience of living, loving, laughing, crying, and even losing. Whether negative or positive, it’s still beautiful and meaningful. But, when it comes to ascending to heaven, we must truly work toward perfecting ourselves. All saints in heaven are perfect—there’s no doubt about that. Anyone claiming otherwise is not being truthful. These beings are high vibrational, filled with divine wisdom because they’ve transcended imperfections and grown through their journey. Their wisdom now guides others throughout the universe.
It’s true that there are many realities and lessons to explore, and while I don’t see Earth as my enemy, I must say it’s probably one of the harshest places. As I mentioned in a previous video, Earth is like a planet that contains all the deadly sins—making it incredibly difficult for souls to transcend lessons here. Many go through lifetime after lifetime, stuck in repetitive patterns, repeating the same mistakes without truly learning. Even when they do learn, selfishness often still rules, and people continue to make the same errors because they want to.
There are those who say they didn’t really want to continue in this way, but if someone knows better and still chooses to act otherwise, then they’re doing what they want—plain and simple. The Lord isn’t judging to condemn; He’s judging to see who’s worthy of ascending. Will the person stay trapped in the 3D world, or will they choose to move upward into higher realms of learning and growth?
As I’ve often taught before, it’s like progressing through school. You start in kindergarten; nobody skips straight to third grade. You need to master each level before moving on. Sure, some people can jump grades, but only if they put in the effort and truly learn what’s necessary at each stage. How can anyone put in that effort on Earth when they’re born without memories of their past lessons? It’s a very tough place to be, and believe me, the rulers of Earth make it that way. That’s why messengers and teachers have always come to light the way for those meant to leave this place.
That doesn’t make anyone better than others—it simply means they’ve transcended the lessons of this particular space. And that’s truly wonderful, because who would want to stay here, right? Which brings me to my next point: staying here.
My Way Out?
Back when I was quite active in my line of work, I shared a deeply personal piece of information with many of my followers—about my eventual departure from Earth. I had spoken openly about the possibility of leaving around the age of 33. I know it’s hard for some to believe, but I don’t need a major accident or catastrophe to leave this Earth when the time comes. The Lord will prepare the way, and that will be it. How He chooses to do so—whether through illness, a car accident, or otherwise—is entirely up to Him. Who can truly decide their own moment of death? I think most would prefer to transition peacefully in their sleep, and I could ask for that blessing, but I also recognize that it might be selfish to do so.
There are so many people who face horrific ways of dying, and I’ve always been mindful of that. Just as I’ve shared with many of you about the trials I face, I’ve also been blessed with countless miracles in my life. But honestly, I’m no different from anyone else. Just because I’m a messenger of the Lord doesn’t mean I’m treated differently or that I don’t face challenges. I have to go through struggles just like everyone else—otherwise, it would be unfair, a sign of favoritism.
Trust me, the Lord blesses me abundantly. When I’m struggling, He finds ways to help. When something goes wrong, He steps in to fix it. And when I can’t do something for myself, others come to my aid. I plan to share many of these miracles in the upcoming videos about my life. But for now, just know that I could have chosen a different path—one that might have been easier or more comfortable—but I didn’t want to be treated any differently. I wanted to walk this earth like anyone else, without selfishness, understanding that many people suffer every day. Why would I want to be made special above others?
The same philosophy applies to my death. Whatever way the Lord wishes for me to leave this life, I will accept it. I won’t make selfish requests about how it happens—I only ask that He be with me afterward. That’s what faith in the Lord is about: carrying your cross, just as Jesus did. Many don’t realize that carrying the cross didn’t just mean accepting death; it also symbolized bearing the burdens of life itself. The cross represents the four directions of this world—north, south, east, and west—and life’s challenges come from all angles. Whether you walk north or south, east or west, you’re here to face those burdens.
If Yeshua/Jesus had to carry his cross and face tribulations, so must we. I’ve worked hard to clear my karmic debts, to learn all the lessons I came to Earth to master, and to fulfill my Earthly and Akashic purposes. These purposes are crucial because they demonstrate that I’ve accomplished what I set out to do here. For me, I didn’t have a choice—because I was sent here as a messenger. I could have run away, hidden, or ignored my calling, but I didn’t. That’s what brings me to my next point.
Fulfilling My Purposes
I am here to make life easier for others. My purpose has always been to provide insights, to prepare everyone for the future, and to ensure that those the Lord intended received knowledge—encouraging them to do their best to improve themselves, find some measure of happiness in this lifetime, and view life with eyes wide open. I believe I’ve done a good job in fulfilling that mission. So, when I was told I would leave around the age of 33, I didn’t mind so much.
However, having faced many hardships in my life, I never truly had the chance to experience the simple joy of being a mother. I’ve had two children before, but my parents lived with me, and as you know, even as a messenger and someone wise, parents are parents. For me, it was a little different with mine because they always treated me as a little innocent angel that they were extremely overprotective with. They help me with my sensitivities, even when it came to school, and I always guided me and my gifts. But because they were always protecting me and sheltering me because of my abilities, I guess that made them feel like they had a right to dominate my life at times. I appreciate their help. I do. But I longed for the opportunity to raise children whom I could teach entirely on my own terms—by my own rules and influence. I wanted to walk a different spiritual path with them, one that I could shape based on my own understanding and experience.
I taught my older children well, but I’ve learned that each person learns differently. Through my own journey, I’ve discovered better ways to awaken and nurture a child early on—methods I couldn’t fully implement when I was younger, with my first two children. So, I wished for a chance to fully embrace motherhood, to raise two more souls who would be awakened, virtuous, and saintly—a legacy of my love and teachings that they could leave behind in this world. And at the time, I was doing pretty well with my work that I thought finally after all of the challenges that I face in life, this was the most perfect time in my life that I could expand my family, and that I’d have the financial resources to do it. Lord had mentioned struggle in the future, but by that time I had hoped to get a lot done in my life to where I’d be situated. Instead, I placed so much focus on helping other people that I hadn’t put so much time into helping myself. Luckily I’ve had good people around me though. 
Nonetheless, I went to the Lord about this, he told me that I had truly suffered a great deal in my life, and that in my earlier experiences or lifetime on earth, previously, I hadn’t really gotten a chance to experience what I truly desired to experience on earth, which was finding true love. It didn’t matter to me how I found it. Maybe just motherhood itself was enough to understand what true love was really about. And believe me, I can truly say today, that it is. There’s nothing more beautiful on earth or anywhere really, than love that is shared between a mother and her children who really do love one another. I always looked to find that kind of love in other people. It’s the kind of love that heaven has for each other, it’s the kind of love that heaven feels for all humanity. Coming to earth, it was my greatest longing to find that type of love here.
But experience after experience, I discovered that it really didn’t exist here. You can imagine love and romance all you want, you can imagine falling in love with your twin flame or some soulmate that enters your life like some fairy tale. And perhaps for some, that can be a reality. But for me, I found true love through being a mother. And I just hadn’t felt that I had experienced enough of that. Yet, the Lord had taught me that motherhood isn’t just about bringing children into the world. It’s about who you leave an impact on as well. Just like soul parents up in heaven play a significant role in guiding your journey, any spiritual guide that has taken responsibility for you and walked you through your life is sort of like a parent.
Therefore, he made it a valid point that true love did exist. It existed through me and the love that I felt for every single person that I had helped. Everybody I cared for, guided in their life, and helped them to make better choices through my insights. But they were all abroad and far away. Even though doing the readings and healings often made them feel like they were right here with me, I just wanted to feel that love and nurturing again—if not with a partner, than by being able to raise new children. That was the only thing I really wanted for myself out of this entire planetary experience, was to find true love in humanity here. That, and being able to help people find God and love themselves.
Expanding My Soul Contract
And so I asked the Lord if I could have a little more time. I asked him if I could be a parent and enjoy my time on earth—nurturing and caring for others, not just new children that I would go on to create, but also through the people they had come to bond with through my work and love. He told me that he didn’t mind if I extended my spiritual contract for more time, but that everything is an even exchange. Being a messenger, I would have to offer him something in return.
I wasn’t even able to have children, to be honest with you, and I didn’t really have anybody to have the children with, even though they came through very upsetting circumstances that I have yet to even talk about or reveal. Perhaps someday.
Still, all things happen the way that they do, good or bad, for a reason. And the kids have been greatest joy aside of the cruelties that I’ve faced.
In that, he told me I could say that I could continue my journey in searching for true love through motherhood, and the love experienced through the lives I’ve touched, if I would in return provide detailed prophetic messages to the world—messages to prepare people for the world changes that we’re about to experience.
At the time, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, so I agreed. I had already had many visions as a girl, and the future. I already had an idea of what the future was going to end up like.
Seeing now how heavy the messages are, the visions I have to live with, the emotions and impact they make, I see just how much it costs. But that’s okay. I’m super humbled and thankful that the Lord allowed me the opportunity to provide His messages to his people. In exchange for that, I’ve been granted a little more time on earth, a few new loved ones to add to my family, and a continued connection with those I have come to love, meeting them in this spiritual journey.
Back when I was first told that my time here would at the age of 33, going on 34, I didn’t feel I had much left anyhow. I was told my father would pass October 4, 2019, and my older children were growing up quickly, nearing adulthood. My parents were aging, and I knew Dad would pass away soon after I was supposed to leave anyhow. I also hadn’t found love through a partner. Although, I did find companionship in a few friends. In my mind, I accepted not continuing the journey into old age.
Perhaps the Lord was right in His judgment—taking me at 33. That way, my older children would be old enough to stand on their own, I wouldn’t have to witness the loss of my father, and I would have fulfilled my role in guiding those whom the Lord had brought into my life, leaving behind teachings that many could benefit from.
But I decided to change my soul’s contract to live longer anyway. Before, I felt leaving my teachings behind and departing before the chaos in the world intensified was a purpose well accomplished. However, the Lord had made a deal with me: and I could stay longer if I chose, which I did, to have another chance to be a mother and raise some beautiful Saintly souls.
In return, I agreed to carry the weight of relaying the herald’s predictions starting in 2019. You might remember I’ve shared some predictions before, but none on the scale as the angelic messages that began in 2019, before the pandemic and the upheaval we see today.
This extra time I chose, came with a heavy responsibility. I promised the Lord that I would deliver His messages through the Saints to help people be more prepared and insightful about what’s happening around them, and I’m doing it. Believe me, it’s a profound burden to bear.
Why Share Now?
I haven’t shared this with anyone else until now, but I felt it was important to do so.
Why? Because there is a deeper purpose to it all. It’s not just about me. It’s also about you. All of you.
I don’t believe most people realize how important they truly are until someone takes the time to tell them. So, I want to tell you something reader: you have helped me in accomplishing my goals of discovering love on this planet, and helping people find God. The truth is, I haven’t known many truly good people in my journey. Over the years, I’ve encountered con artists, those who have been abusive or manipulative, liers, bullies, and individuals who have taken me for granted. I see evil people a lot in the world in general. Many people I’ve met have prioritized their own needs over others, out of self-interest or selfishness.
When I first stepped into this line of work many years ago, I was afraid. I feared I would face ridicule, or worse, treatment far harsher than what I experienced in my daily life—though not online, but in the physical world. Despite my fears, I courageously opened my heart accepting the purpose I was sent here to do, sharing my beliefs and the lessons I’ve received from the Lord personally. I expected backlash, but surprisingly, I haven’t faced many trials from others. Instead, the Lord has brought wonderful people into my life—people like you—who have touched my heart in ways words can’t fully express.
Even though we don’t speak every day, I think of you often. The healing work I do for you is deeply personal—an act of love and light—and I find myself emotionally and spiritually connected to you, as if you were a cherished family member living right beside me. Because of your presence in my journey, I look forward to each time you come by. I can feel you.
Knowing that you are kind-hearted and striving to be a better person in a world that can often feel cold and harsh has truly lit up my life like a bright beacon.
Even though I may have an awakened viewpoint, doesn’t mean that I don’t sometimes see the negative in life too. Like I said, I’ve seen a lot of ugly things and crossed paths with a lot of mean people. I truly do understand the reason for it everything that happens and the ways of life, but sometimes it’s so hard to take in. You’ve shown me that not everyone is lost to evil, that goodness still exists. Meeting people like you reaffirms my belief that the Lord has a purpose for holding onto this Earth. If people like you exist, He has every reason to keep fighting, to keep awakening others—regardless of who they are, what they believe, or what they do—because the purity of their heart matters most.
I just want you to know how much you mean to me. How much you’ve brightened my journey simply by being who you are. I hope you can see your worth when you look in the mirror, even on days when it’s hard to remember. I know it’s not always easy, and you may not hear words like these every day. But this comes straight from my heart, and I wanted to make sure you knew just how special you are to me.
So, the point I’m trying to make is that even though sometimes I look back and wonder about my choice knowing that my new children will have to grow up in a chaotic world, that I’ll probably be gone by the time they’re adults—knowing that this world is indeed a difficult place, how hard life can be even for me, and knowing that many of the insights I’ve shared have been questioned, or for believers, have caused anxiety—I still know that staying was the right decision. I’ve helped a lot of people, and I’ve had the privilege of meeting beautiful souls that the Lord continues to fight for on this planet.
I understand that life can be very hard sometimes, and there are moments when you may not want to keep going. Many people out there long to leave this world. Yet, even I, who was ready to go, went asking for more time, have extended my stay—knowing that the road ahead could become even darker and more difficult. Because, I knew that there was a way to experience true love in this world, and to actually achieve my purpose of finding it, as well as helping others find the Lord.
And I did so, through being able to meet and work with many of you. The children I have are a miraculous gift. But what’s additionally just as miraculous, it’s getting a chance to see all of you grow in faith. But the truth is, no matter how you feel about life, you are here for a reason. I say it all the time—together, as a collective. Just by being here right now, amidst the darkness, we are allowing the Lord’s light to live on. Despite everything trying to extinguish it, we continue to keep that light alive.
Therefore, I’m really thankful that I got to extend my spiritual contract and stay longer. I get to go through this time with all of you and prepare everybody with knowledge and wisdom. I am the messenger of this time, and you make that great responsibility worth it. I’m thankful for that, even though the days may be hard. I hope this changes your perspective in wanting to live out the fullness of your life, and to be thankful even among the challenges, to be here right now.
You are the light of the world. And you are especially a light in mine. Just as much purpose as I’ve given to you, you’ve given to me, and that’s a beautiful story just in itself. I have more messages and wisdom to share, more people to save, more souls to meet and love. And I have two kids to bring me joy along the way too. Looking at those gifts, makes life worth the choice. You have to find the joys in your own too, and stay strong. Even if it just being a light here for God, you are meaningful. Never give up! You never know what the future holds and asI would’ve been long gone by now, here I am with the greatest gifts God could give in life. You too, could end up with an unimaginable future. And if not, you still served a purpose just by being here.
Thank you for being a part of my records.
Use Your Contract For Greater Change
While some people come to me seeking contract changes all the time. There have even been a few requests to shorten their lives. However, that’s something I haven’t been given the power to do. The Lord grants me the ability to extend time for others, but ultimately, when a person goes to Him, it’s His decision. Even if I had that ability, I don’t think I would want to participate in it. I love people enough to see their value, their potential even if they don’t see it. I read the soul after all, and I know there’s a better way for them.
Honestly, I believe everyone is valuable and worth fighting for. Sometimes, I fight for people harder than they fight for themselves, through the guidance that I seek for them, and the prayers that I speak, as well as the behind-the-scenes things that I do to try to help their path without telling them. Each person should see the value in themselves to want to fight for themselves too.
I believe it’s more meaningful to give yourself more time to pursue and accomplish your dreams. If you’ve ever had thoughts like that, I sincerely hope you’ll reconsider. Use your soul’s contract to reshape your circumstances and make life worth living instead!
Spiritually Awkward 