Spiritually Awkward Group- Facebook
For the exercise in the challenge that we are doing on Facebook, we have to work on eliminating toxic people from our life. I know that a lot of people find this to be a difficult task, because many have emotional attachments to most of the people that they have in their life.
I don’t have a great deal of toxic people around me but I do have a few. And I really had to look into who I was meant to keep and help, versus the people that I just really love the lot. So I grew up with a person that I really loved with all of my heart. They were like a sister to me and we had really gone through a lot of things in childhood together. Sometimes one of the hardest parts of letting someone go, are the memories that you shared that have brought you together in the first place. However, while growing up people part ways for a little while to kind of do their own thing. During those times people change. Sometimes they change so much they are not recognizable anymore. This individual, there were a lot of things that really had hurt my feelings. I want to have done a lot for them, even during times of their financial crisis, having loan the money. I never really wanted any of it back. But if I had needed a favor here or there, even something small, I would have been nice if the person would have openly offered or not even turned me down when I asked. I had tried to be there for the person’s children too. But whenever I had done something nice like having taken them shopping, I was called and chastised for it. Over time, her children would want to spend the weekend over, and if it wasn’t during a time that she needed a sitter, she would say no. If she needed a sitter she would call to ask if they could come. Her kids when they did come, didn’t want to leave. They didn’t get a lot of attention at home, there was drinking there, arguing, and their parents used extra money for drinking rather than taking them out somewhere. When they would go home after a weekend at my house, they would complain to their mom how they hated being at home, and how my kids were treated better. I got blamed and the visits slowed down. My own daughter even got blamed over the one girl being suicidal, which my daughter had tried to help Talk her out of it. Blame was placed everywhere but on themselves.
The person made me feel not good enough. They didn’t appreciate me and they would put up an insulting post about me, that was so obviously a rant putting me down for being more of a hippie type parent. I never said anything about their parenting? It was ridiculous, and then to act like I was stupid, when I confronted them for the posts, almost as if I would not of known they were about me? I even tried to stay friends with him, inviting and then places but they always turned me down. But yet, I was still getting up for them to come to, when they needed something. After a while they stop asking for things directly and instead just kind of slipped it in there, what they were struggling with and how they had to seek out help. I’m thinking: “I know you’re mentioning this because you want my help”. LOL
I had had enough after lengthy period of time of coping with that treatment. Just to give everyone some insight as to how to do them in the toxic people from your life, that you still love, the best thing to do is to just gradually start distancing yourself from them. This means, not take as many phone calls anymore, eventually not returning the text messages. But first you will want to just respond back but shortly. And then overtime, start tapering off with your communications. Me and the individual have not spoken since August and to be honest with you, I feel much better knowing that I have people around me that really do love me, rather than having people around me that just love me for what I could do for them, and then criticize me later their insecurities. Wish them well in life but I did exactly what I just advise all of you to do, I tapered off my communication with them starting with short messages then short messages spread out, then no messages at all. Of course they try to reach out to find out why, but obviously I’ve talk to this person a couple of times about how I felt in the past, and nothing had ever change so there’s no use and having the same conversation again right? You don’t have to keep explaining yourself to allow the person to keep validating their rude behavior.