Growing up, the Christmas holiday season was always my second favorite time of year, right after the autumn equinox.

It brought so much joy into my life, even though my father wasn’t a wealthy man. My mother wasn’t particularly enthusiastic about the holidays. She didn’t spend much time playing with me in general and preferred to sit and watch soap operas all day, often claiming most of my father’s attention. And that’s okay; life is what it is.

But when Halloween or Christmas rolled around, things felt a little more special because of the deep spiritual essence of these seasons. I appreciated how profound they truly were, beyond the commercial hype, and that made me cherish this time of year even more.

In autumn, I could sense the shift in the Earth’s energy, the changing globe beneath my feet. I’d spend hours outside after school, breathing in the crisp air, grounding myself in the seasonal transition, jumping into massive leaf piles that the neighbors collaboratively raked along the street, and praying under the vast blue sky in my yard. I would give gifts to God made of things that I found like nuts or different grasses, and climb up in the tallest tree to get closer to heaven. My dad always made Halloween spectacular, even if he didn’t dress up often; but when he did, his costumes were among the best.

Christmas struck a different chord for me, literally. The winter solstice I knew, was a darker, more introspective celebration, and with my birthday just three days after Christmas, the season often carried a gloomy undertone. My mother didn’t decorate the house or cook elaborate meals. She got the artificial tree out which, was haphazardly assembled, with bent limbs left unfixed. There was no eggnog, no cookie baking, and my birthday gift doubled as my Christmas present.

Meanwhile, I watched my father’s hard-earned money go toward expensive gifts for her on her birthday or during the holidays. Still, I was always grateful, and my dad did his best to include me.

As I grew older, I knew why my mother didn’t share in the joyful activities with me like other mothers did with their daughters. I read her past, her soul, many times.

I had over 100 dolls, many from flea markets, with a new one added each Christmas until I outgrew the collection. I’d pretend to be a mom, imagining all the wonderful things I’d do with my own children someday. I harbored no resentment. I understood on a deep, psychic, and spiritual level why mom, was the way she was.

People who have been hurt, often hurt others as well. It’s a cycle. I never held it against her, but I did miss out on so much. I promised myself that I’d honor the deeper spiritual meanings of these celebrations, making them about more than just gifts or rituals.

The Lord had taught me about the angelic year, its cycles, and the “dead zone” in winter observances, even before this lifetime. So, as a young girl, I vowed to grow up and celebrate authentically: giving to those in need, offering sentimental rather than lavish gifts to loved ones.

No matter how hard I tried, responses from others weren’t always consistent. I’d send cards to everyone I knew, but after a year or two, they’d stop reciprocating. Still, I’d persist.

Before my business officially took off in 2013, money was tight, and I’d rely on Toys for Tots for my kids, Amber and Noah, until my spiritual mission as a teacher started succeeding. My dad did the same for me sometimes when I was a kid and things were tight. You can’t imagine my pride in finally providing for them in ways I couldn’t before. Then came Adree; things were improving, and with my dad still around, I was thrilled to do more for all the kids, even my new little girl, than I’d ever thought possible.

Back when funds were low, I’d still bake cookies and celebrate the sacred spirituality in Earth’s duality of winter. Finally, after my father passed, I had Alex, plus mounting bills. I was blessed with miraculous help, but as my business slowed, that support stretched thinner, covering living expenses for our growing family.

That’s life. We adapt.

When you can’t do as much, you get creative to keep things fun and bright, whether grieving a loss, facing financial strain, or feeling alone. Remember, the holidays are about your connection to heaven and spirit, personal growth cycles, gratitude amid challenges, and the lessons of this earthly experience.

Even though this Christmas is a little tough, Amber and I decided to go all out with the Elf on the Shelf to bring cheer and anticipation for the kids. We played around with this last year, but this year, we’ve brainstormed some fantastic ideas.

We take turns each day setting up new scenarios, and the kids rush home from school excited to discover what the elves are up to. I feel lucky, too. My father always wanted to take me to see The Nutcracker as a child, hoping I’d become a ballerina, since he loved the arts. After he passed, I started the tradition in his memory, but the kids were too young before. My older ones weren’t as interested. This year, a student gifted us tickets to a local show with Nutcracker elements, and I was also able to snag family seats for the full ballet back in June when they were just $20 each. I was still trying to make ends meet helping my mom then, but I set the money aside, knowing the flyers come out around that time.

So, we’ll enjoy that magical experience, plus the gifted show, alongside our Elf antics. It’s making this year truly bright.

We’ve been lighting candles daily in honor of spirit, ancestors, the Earth, and those in need. I’ve been donating time at the soup kitchen, grateful for all the Lord has provided. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I usually volunteer at the animal shelter in summer, but I like rotating my charitable efforts to help a bit of everything and everyone. Seeing people’s faces light up over a warm meal has been incredibly rewarding. It’s hectic doing it between work, my second part time job, and my responsibilities but it sure makes my heart glow!

I also stopped celebrating my birthday on December 28th, years ago, shifting it to a more sacred date tied to a profound spiritual moment in my celestial journey. It also eases the gift burden on family and friends. This year, I insisted on no presents for me; I meant it, as I do every year, though they usually ignore me.

Instead, I asked for cards with a promise: that no matter how hard things get, they’ll stand by my side. And if possible, to do something nice for someone else, a donation or helping hand. I was touched that my little ones said they were more worried about me than asking Santa for much, though I managed to get them some things.

I’m sharing this to remind everyone that life and holidays transcend commercialism. These seasons can sometimes bring people down, but understanding their true roots reveals deeper, positive meanings year after year. For me, it’s cherishing priceless moments with my kids, collaborating creatively with my oldest daughter, witnessing their genuine love by honoring my no-gift request and promises of support, and helping others.

Sure, winter, whether Saturnalia, Yule, or Christmas, has its duality. Amid the optimism and blessings, I can’t deny moments of sadness missing my dad in his previous physical form or worrying about finances like any mother. But life is so much more than the material. These memories are the greatest gifts, ones I’ll carry forever. And my dad finally gets to see the Nutcracker in his new form 😉. God is good.

I thank God for them daily. I hope this inspires you to seek out those little moments, too.

Here are some of the Elf on the Shelf ideas Amber and I came up with:

• The first scenario had our elves, one boy and one girl, taking off in the kids’ Barbie cars with Adree and Alex’s Barbies.
• Next, Amber created a zip line where the boy elf, Sparky, rescued our female elf, Elvie, from getting stuck in a Christmas stocking.
• Another day, Amber fashioned a parachute for the elves and had them draw beards on the kids’ pictures.
• One of my ideas was having the girl elf attempt a ride on the ceiling fan, with little treats scattered as hints for the kids to follow when they get home from school, leading them to the elves’ hiding spot.

It’s so much fun. I see so many people making a big deal out of these types of things on TikTok, repetitively, posting, just for views. And so I wanted to share it for those who value my work and like to read my thoughts or what I have to say, here in a more intimate place at my online diary platform.

I think the biggest thing that I hope for by sharing my life publicly at all, isn’t to gain sympathy, and it certainly isn’t to gain fame. We all know that’s never going to happen😂. But what I hope to gain from it is that I can inspire other people to see the beauty, even in the ugliest times of life. I hope that people can see that God is there for them, even when it seems that he’s not. He’s there, in the love that you find around you, or even if you don’t receive it, he’s found in the love that you give. I hope people can come to realize that while they waste time worrying about every little thing excessively, that they miss out on the time that they could have had with people that matter. Not everything has to be what the world makes it into, you can create your own reality.

Nonetheless, I hope that this story made a few people laugh. And if not, I hope that it inspired someone to get out there and do something nice for other people or someone. It takes your mind off of what’s happening in your own life, and it certainly shows you that it may not be as bad as some other people have it, and that you have the ability to make someone’s situation better. Isn’t that the cycle of life? It should also bring a great realization that this world has really taken the true meaning out of so many things, and what they’ve turned things into has literally beaten people down into the ground as slaves. Value the people in your life, and do as much good as you can. And if you have the ability to bless others, do so. It’s the people that matter the most because they are what carry the weight of God within them, no material man-made created thing holds such value. Don’t waste time, allowing the world to push you down to where you stop feeling like you care about the things you used to, and can’t seem to find joy anymore. Don’t look back on the things that you didn’t have with anger or resentment, but with love and understanding, and change the cycles that you saw and didn’t like, through your own actions. That’s one way you break through the duality.

I hope everybody has a wonderful holiday season.