Thinking back on all the wonderful moments from the holiday season, I was dealing with some health issues myself. But I can heal myself, but I shared about it online to remind everyone that plenty of people face way tougher battles, like cancer or other serious stuff, where they can’t just fix things themselves. And piling on sky-high medical bills? That’s just heartbreaking.
I wasn’t looking for pity or anything like that, but it warmed my soul to see how much people truly cared. A lot of loving people stepped up around Christmas, but a few also jumped in to sort out my bank mess. Robbie and James pitched in, Sveta too, and then Major Sharp even suggested a “lavender marriage” so I could get better care for me and my kids. That kind of pure kindness, offering us some real protection, blew me away. I felt so flattered by that offer because it was incredibly selfless, but I could never go through with something like that—it might take away someone’s chance at meeting their true match down the line, and then they’d be tied to me.
It’s on me to sort my own stuff out, you know? And I am trying to figure it all out. It’s just hard.
But really, it was all about that deep love and sense of togetherness. Everyone poured so much of it our way this year, and we always find ways to give it right back whenever we can. Lately, I’ve been volunteering at the homeless shelter, but as spring rolls in, I’ll likely shift over to the animal shelters again.
It brought to mind something I wrote in my blog once about a truly good-hearted person (A Good Spiritual Man) applies for anyone, or even just living that out for others: if someone’s in a bind to get to work and you’ve only got twenty bucks left, you hand it over without a second thought about going broke yourself, trusting that something higher will come through for you, when you give everything to help.
These acts echoed that exact idea, one I’ve lived by so many times through volunteering at homeless shelters, animal rescues, donating to causes, or just pouring myself into helping people.
It really moved me deep down, watching everyone go above and beyond.
So there I was, heading into the nail salon with a Christmas gift card. I don’t treat myself like that much anymore, and I pick up pretty much everything at thrift stores. But that day, I was set to enjoy it. While I was there, employees kept coming over, hugging me and saying thanks for the help I’d given their pregnant friend a while back, when I had a bit more to spare back then and she was really struggling with a baby on the way. I was surprised they remembered that.
As I sat there, everyone started opening up to me as we talked. The host Sherman shared that his wife was stranded in Vietnam and he was stuck in this rundown spot. My nail artist opened up about her own hardships, cramming eight family members into a tiny two-bedroom place, including her aunt, sister, mom, and more, all barely scraping by. My heart just ached hearing it all.
I’d just gotten a few extra bucks from some spell orders, thanks to everyone teaming up to fix my bank stuff. What better way to use it than sharing a little with them?
It got so emotional in there—everyone around was like, whoa, she really did that, overhearing and watching it unfold. I told them, you’re not just here doing my nails while I sit and zone out. I see you as real people with your own lives and challenges, maybe even harder than what others deal with. So let me treat you like family. My nail artist wrapped me in a hug and teared up, and Sherman squeezed me tight too.
The whole room was stunned, and suddenly people started chatting with their own artists, like I’d sparked this wake-up call. They’d heard the stories but never really thought about how these amazing humans are more than just the ones providing a service for pay.
Yeah, it left me pretty strapped for cash, but I felt so good giving. I’ve always believed that when you share what you’ve got, it finds its way back somehow—and it sure has over the years. Plus, it showed others that genuine love and compassion are out there, and it softened hearts, making people more thoughtful toward each other.
Hey, I may not be doing good myself. Yet, God is love and helping others means more to me than anything. It brings God within, those who exchange it. Even strangers. We need it more than ever today. This meant people saw love. An exchange in the universe and a testament to my faith that God will help, myself, and others. It also creates God in others through love and unity.
I know that the Lord will help me, he always does. Moreover, I’m keeping everyone in my prayers, including all of you, the world, and the Vietnamese employees. It’s about faith.
To inspire and uplift, I want to share that I’m yes, I am going through profoundly challenging times, ones that have caused my spirit to cry here and there, as my last post on Facebook laid bare. It was about the tripled cost of healthcare that I got hit with around the holiday season? I was in tears.
It’s heartbreaking, a blow I dreaded, yet anticipated, but still arrived like an unwelcome shadow over the holidays. But to counter that raw sorrow, which left me weeping as I poured out my heart, let me offer this glimpse of spiritual beauty, a testament to the light that pierces even the darkest storms. I truly hope it inspires others to always look past the darker times. 
For Christmas, I didn’t want any gifts from my beloved children. Not ones they can buy anyhow.
A couple years ago I just wanted my son to graduate from high school for me. Obviously Christmas is in December and graduation is the following summer but that’s all I really wanted to see happen. If he could accomplish that he would make me proud not just for Christmas, but for the rest of my life. he accomplished that, but he always manages to get me a little something. but that just goes to show you an example of the types of things I asked for from my family members. 
Year after year, I tell them:
“Don’t spend on me, cherish one another instead. If your heart calls you to give a gift to each other or at least your younger siblings, let that be your joy.
But nothing for me, they make me happy enough being my kids.
For me, the truest treasure is simply their existence. It’s in witnessing their lives unfold, their roots sprouting from mine, and growing into a strong branch of the family tree. Most people would think that they would be better off becoming their own tree, I suppose? But in spiritual truth, I know that branches, usually bare fruit, and fruit bears seeds. And so seeing them grow into strong individuals from what I’ve taught them, knowing that one day they’ll create their own paths, and pass that onto their own children, means everything to me.
That, and all of us refusing to let distance erode our bond.
They bring their partners into our circle, sharing half the week with me in laughter and presence, a quiet vow against the drift of time.
Yet all four of them persisted, insisting I must want something. But truly, the relationship that I have with Heaven, the profound love flowing from my students and my children, that boundless river sustains me. It’s everything to me.
What greater gifts could I ask for?
I already stand in awe of the divine gifts given to me: the intimate communion with the Lord, visions of foresight that revealing of tomorrow’s details, and past akashic visions that rewind the ancient past and yesterdays.
Right? Like what a richly layered life I’ve been granted! Hey, even if forged in the crucible of an abusive childhood where there was pain, I had God, wisdom, the light.
“God” was my unwavering anchor, my eternal guide. He imparted every wisdom I hold. He taught me everything, talking to me as I went, explaining, guiding, teaching.
And he never limited the wisdom! He’s been my best friend.
From the art of mending pipes in plumbing, the spark of electrical work, the steady hand for laying floors and crafting with wood. He revealed the secrets of repairing a car, swapping a tire, gliding on ice skates, and even the ancient melodies of Hebrew speech. There’s more, far more, but those are just a few things for example.
Under His gentle guidance, I embraced sign language, excelled into theology’s depths, saw visions of history’s enigmas through the ethereal Akashic records, and with reverence. I still do and it always feels the same. I’m like a little girl eager to hear everything. Her father has to teach her. I see the same in my children. I’m glad that they want knowledge and that they take it to heart. What greater gift could they give me then to take me serious and develop compassion, virtue, and understanding? Or, furthermore, faith…
In my youth, when homelessness stripped me bare, I encountered souls from every shadowed corner, reading their souls, witnessing the insidious grip of negative spiritual forces. There’s no judgment. These individuals taught me so much about the world and all of the different characters in it. The Lord spoke to me of them. He told me every detail I needed to know, even secrets that they themselves would never speak out loud. I learned so much and that situation. So many other people fall because of it, but I bloomed. Nothing in my life has ever been in vain. Neither has yours. Everything we experience is for a greater good, only people don’t see it at the time. I’m thankful that I had the Lord to show me in those moments and I try to do that for others with my work. I’ve channeled celestial angels in the dawn of the new age, and with fierce resolve, I have even cast out demons that sought to devour good people.
This existence has been a symphony of connections. I’ve met and loved people, students that became family, strangers that came for answers and never k ee how important those moments were to me. And all from diverse backgrounds, ethnicities, and paths! And quite a few transformed into family across distances, their love, friendship, their interest in wisdom, a purpose for my soul. even though this blog is about a few things concerning my own family and children I hope that you know how much you mean to me as well. For everyone who reads this I hope you know how every reading I’ve done for you has given me a meaning to my life. I hope you know that for all the things the Lord taught me, I went through so many different situations in order to learn them and teach them to you for yours. to truly love people that I don’t see, someone I’ve never even met in person, but to care, gives me a reason to wake up every day. It’s just about having love for other people, not really about being loved in return. being a teacher is kind of like being everything to a person, a sister, a mother, a friend. It’s quite an experience. Thank you for that.
Back to Motherhood though, that sacred calling, fulfilled a longing.
And though I’ve ached for a profound spiritual energetic union, a soul-deep fusion with another, everyone does, but I find solace in the unbreakable bond to God and my children, a love so pure it eclipses all else. I have so much love, it’s more than any one relationship could give anyhow, I believe.
I’m fulfilled.
Along this journey, I’ve discovered treasured best friends, kindred spirits who keep me wanting to continue on my way.
This year, my prayers to the Lord were humble requests, my usual, but deeper… pleas for my students and their families to be enveloped in safety, intercessions for a world aching with need, and fervent hopes that my family remains united, enduring through survival’s trials. I’ve never beseeched heavenly father for opulence or extravagance. I know some of you may read that and think that talk. Could that be true when I try to look so glamorous but believe me I buy my clothes at a thrift shop lol. Literally I just have some pretty good taste in fashion and I know it looks good on myself astrologically at times, I’ll just head right on over to Goodwill or Plato’s Closet when I have a few extra bucks, and buy an outfit. I never so close away. They come back into fashion anyhow. So I do have a great variety to work, and as a channel, Im quite a few different people inside, we all have different taste in styles🤣. I have a video that I’ll be coming out with that will make more sense. The fake fur coat I’m wearing in the photo? $25. Used. Looks pricey right, it wasn’t 😆. Nonetheless, I did have one personal request since the kids’ insisted. 
One Personal, Humble Request
I did have one request. But oh, I did ask for snow as I always do. I always ask the Lord just for that simple gift of seeing the magic of snow, even a tiny bit. I ask for it annually, and twice He already graced me with it this year. Once, it already snowed a week before my earthly birthday, another mere days prior, blanketing my world in quiet wonder.
I recall when I used to go ice-skating as a girl, it was magnificent. I graced the ice like I could’ve done it professionally with my grace and skills in ballet.
But I never went again.
Not like that.
It was during the New Jersey blizzard of March 1993 and my yard itself was ice rink, frozen over by the flooded rain just a few days before the blizzard hit. After shoveling us out of the house, my father got me the ice skates from the flea market, and I asked the Lord to teach me how. Dad missed work. The snow was knee deep, some places just sheets of glistening ice! He had to shovel driveways for cash to make up for his loss of a days wage.
So I asked my best friend, my Lord, “How do I do this?”
He channeled guidance to me, as I learned, giving me strength to continue gliding across the ice as he told me, “pretend you’re flying”. I went soaring. I fell so many times🤦🏼♀️, but the Lord told me in his loving fatherly voice, even with thunderous boom behind it, still tender: “Get back up. In life you will fall, you’ll bleed, you’ll get hurt. But eventually it won’t matter.”. He was right. I became like the figure skater Tonya Harding on ice, in my yard that day. There was nobody there, just me and my Lord. I’ve gone ice-skating only twice more after that, much later, with Amber…but with rental skates that never felt right, and in an overly crowded rink. I always promised myself on my bucket list that I will get to skate like I did in my yard again like during that blizzard back then. At least one more time. I think that wish might come true this year as well too. And not with the rental skates out there at the local rinks. I’m talking about true ice-skating. That’s something I hoped for too, humbly.
Knowing my love of snow and my annual request, my youngest, Alexander, returned from school with a snowman he crafted, a masterpiece so exquisite, it could grace any shelf at a “Home Goods” store. My heart swelled to bursting, especially as he paired it with a snowman book to read together, a shared story to add holiday magic. He made it just in case the warming weather, didn’t bring me my only personal wish for real snow. How sweet!
Alex made it snow, through his craft❤️
Adriel, my darling girl, presented a soft teddy bear, and an ornament made of snowmen by her fingers, expressing her love and my hope for snow too. Alex also added a delicate silk flower, blooming eternally in my memory. All from school!
These tokens, I’ll nestle among my most cherished keepsakes, guardians of joy against time’s fade.
Adree gave me her love, on a bear.
My Gift? Their Promise
What I really wanted? For my elder children, my request was born of vulnerability: no crafts, no expenditures from strained pockets. I always share how I’m making it for now, but it’s challenging taking on the load alone. We’re taken care of, but pinching. Even still, nothing is promised.
Instead, amid the foreboding horizon of hardships ahead, I implored them to inscribe a promise on paper, that no matter the hardships later, if I’m down, they would never forsake me.
Just their word:
“We’ll always be here.”
You see, my body wages a silent war against the surgical mesh from hernia repairs long ago. Though I’ve channeled extraordinary healings to nurture my well-being, removal looms inevitable. Why persist in mending what continues making trouble from within? Psychic surgery eludes such a vast intrusion such as mesh in my abdomen. It’s a huge area and while I’m doing little by little, it’s taking a bit of time to fully repair on my own (💗 I’ll get there) but it’s a lot with having to do healings and readings for others and take care of the family too.
As healthcare burdens appeared, I feared healthcare costs increasing as I predicted January 2025 at http://www.aluracein.com and low and behold, it didn’t just raise a little, it didn’t even double, it tripled. They never sent a letter, only took what I had left in my bank leaving me in the negative. My deepest worry was abandonment. They’re getting older. When kids grow older, they move on. They take care of their own lives. I get it. But I didn’t want them to move on without me.
Especially not during one of the hardest times of my life, should that be so, as I had seen in my visions ahead.
Yet they gifted me far beyond, a profound affirmation of eternal loyalty.
Amber, my daughter, forged a ring blending her birthstone with mine, crowned by an infinity symbol, whispering of forever. Inside, etched in Hebrew, one of my soul’s cherished tongues, her vow flows like ancient poetry, binding us across eternities.
Amber’s promise of foreverOfficial in Hebrew
Noah, my son, amid his own battles trying to find work, penned words of exquisite beauty on paper, a letter that moved me to tears.
Noah & Lindsey Promised Me, Always.
Even more: his girlfriend Lindsey, who cherishes me as her own mother, knowing who I am, what I do for others, my pure heart, she too crafted her own pledge, subtle yet sincere, echoing the same unbreakable promise. It touched my heart.
A heartfelt card from my friend Mark arrived, vowing unwavering friendship through every storm. What he wrote inside, aligned so much with what I was hoping to hear from all of my loved ones. Remarkable. I cherish everything everyone does, and Mark has been an angel. But the card, the gratitude for the wisdom, his friendship and promise to get through things together? The best gift.
Then, reconnecting with Bella on the phone after too long, we and her daughter sorta exchanged mutual oaths of solidarity, saying we would always be here for each other. Bella always has a pure heart to want to help me and has so much! It’s been since 2013 now, and even when there have been long moments of silence, our friendship has always been there. I don’t think she needs any words in her promise because she’s proving it. But my kids can’t yet. They’re young, they have their pads ahead of them. Influences come and go. Just like I see my daughter Amber, changing more and more every day as she aligns herself more with her partner. In my heart, I’ll never let go of the girl I raised while he can enjoy, the woman she’s choosing to become. She is different now.
Kids grow up and change. But I wanted that promise that even if they do, they will always remain by my side. And I got those promises, even from beloved friends I didn’t ask for it from. How amazing!
Mark’s loving card, the strong bond of spiritual family.
A friend of mine named Robbie, even told me that while they couldn’t help me much with donations or financially, that he would always be there for me. That was a meaningful gift. But he and James still bailed me out of my negative bank issue! And Tobias, never fails to show me love. Her gifts humble but with love and meaning. But knowing her, more valuable.
Adriel’s Snowy Gift!
I even met one of my students in person for the first time, alone, feeling the depth of her presence, knowing she too, is family forever.
This holiday overflowed with emotion, a whirlwind of tears and triumphs. Amid terrors like soaring healthcare costs that chilled my core, foreshadowing greater struggles, I clung to the exquisite beauty of surrounding love, the fuel that propels me forward.
My students’ gratitude for the wisdom and the hope that I’ve shared with them, and the promise of standing by me in the words and eyes of my children, an unbreakable fortress.
And a dream of mine came true this year too! I always wanted a chance to take the children to see the magical Nutcracker. And this year we got to go on discounted tickets! My student Jin sent tickets to a local play in case we didn’t get to see the nutcracker which I think the kids liked more, to be honest with you!
Marjo sent a beautiful tree of love card! Sveta, Jenni, Sommer, Toby, Bella, Mark, and Avrina gave gifts to the kids, making them feel like they had a family, more than just me. Jen Riley sent us great supplies! Two bags of beans I even got to use to feed people at the shelter that I volunteer at! She not only added resources for us, but those beans with rice added from others, fed 16 families! The light spread! Whoa, so many people pulled together for me. And it’s not what they did or sent, it’s that they were there for me.
All of this was a wonderful experience, but what meant more to me, were the words that I heard and love that I was given over this holiday season from the people that mean the most to me. What a beautiful promise to hear or witness, that the people that love you the most, will never leave you, when it matters the most.
P.S: I’m also thankful for the snow that the Lord gives me. He truly never lets me down. Every year he gives me even just a little flurry, even if the week was warmer. It’s incredible how such a small little wish always comes true. I only hope that my prayers are answered for this upcoming year of 2026, not just for myself, but for everyone else out there. I truly hope that things get better for everybody, and that I can be an inspiration to many out there, of how to fight through trials and how to appreciate the beauty in your life while you do so. Life is so much more than physical, material, or monetary things, it’s the memories that you build, the bonds that you forge, and the true emotions that you share with others. But above all, it’s your belief and love of God that matters most, and what can be created out of all of that.
Without him, it wouldn’t be as profound.
Christmas 2025 really engraved itself into my soul as one of the most sentimental and meaningful memories, that I’ll cradle forever in gratitude and grace.
Me & Adriel Drive Thru The Snow Blanketed Streets December 26, 2025, two days before my earthly birthday🙏🏻. Thank you Heavenly Father.
This rant is to prove a point, and share my truest intentions.
Recently, I was met with a comment on my YouTube video. And it only hurt my feelings because I had a lot of love and respect for the person that had left it. I know everyone’s entitled to their opinions or their perspective but, I really felt that they had the wrong one.
I am a different person from others, I’m angelic. I don’t belittle people for trying to be too pretty, nor do I judge people if they choose to be ordinary and plain. Because in my eyes, there is no difference.
Everyone is beautiful just being themselves, whether that means that they choose to glam up or glam down. Everyone is beautiful, except those that carry hate in their heart. Now that is something I can say that is not a form of beauty. Deadly sins are not a form of beauty. From jealousy, vanity, being covetous, greedy, stirring, contentions, lust, or wrath. All of those things are ugliness. The video I had made was just pointing out an underlying hidden message that I felt I wanted to share about a certain events that happened to lately, and a small part included the news surrounding a political figure that passed away. I hadn’t said anything negative about the person individually, but I was making some true statements about some things that he had said that perhaps I disagreed with. But I did show compassion for the person’s passing and in that, I was pointing out that our world is changing into a political storm, whereas we should be focusing more on the spiritual quality and essence of life, before the narratives that are being pushed about racism, politics and hatred, become the everyday norm as it seems they are already becoming.
Sure, people miss the hidden point. And perhaps, maybe just because of the title and subject of the video, the video was already pre-judged because of people’s own political feelings. I knew the individual hadn’t even watched the video fully, because if they had, they would not have mentioned “having to skip through because of the graphic nature” because there hadn’t been any graphics. I respect people and their families, and to have anyone harmed in a video, it would be something beyond my taste. But yet, it was nitpicked apart, going from the fact that they thought I was trying to focus on my looks too much, or that I even was experimenting with creative ideas with AI.
I once felt inspired by the same commenter previously, as I hadn’t heard from them in a long time, and back some videos ago they complimented my new creative style. Now, it felt like they were judging. But to question my authenticity really hurt, because even if I did a cruddy job with an experimental editor on the video, my messages are real, the spiritual wisdom deep and original, and my desire to present myself as being glamorous, unchanged.
From the depths of my soul, I’ve was born with Spiritual gifts and since childhood, I had a fierce passion to be a spiritual teacher. I knew it was my purpose to be a vessel for divine connection, blessed with an innate gift to commune with angels. Yet, physically, I was born with platinum blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, and full lips, I resembled my father more in his features, but I resembled my mother in her femininity. Both were blondes as children too. My mom blue eyed.
My appearance? I never originally sought to change it. Why would I?
My mother, she was radiant, and it was her, who shaped my love for elegance. A cosmetics maven with a touch of cosmetology training, she’d rise at dawn, painting her face with artistry, always poised for my father, exuding unshakable confidence whether at the grocery store or a grand event. Her refined aura was magnetic, and I soaked it in.
As a teenager, I yearned to embody that same bold confidence, but on my terms. Some days, I’d weave magic with makeup, adorning myself with gemstones and sparkles that mirrored my vibrant spirit. Other days, I’d embrace the raw beauty of sweatpants and a bare face, fully at ease in my skin. It was always my choice, cosmetics were never a mandate, but a canvas for self-expression.
My figure, with its wider hips and without curves up top, wasn’t always what I dreamed of, but I embraced it as God’s design. This is only a vessel. But in this world the vessel is judged first because the soul is hidden underneath.
Whether I went full glamour or stayed humbly natural, it was not about chasing anyone else’s approval. And yet, some despised my unapologetic confidence. Their judgment? It never dulled my light. My heart, was too full of love and understanding.
Stepping into my spiritual calling demanded more courage that dwarfed any fears about being judged for my appearance. Sharing my angelic connection felt like peeling back my soul, raw and vulnerable.
When I began posting online, I’d sometimes wear anime-inspired makeup for my videos, other times baring my face completely.
Anyone can scroll through my countless Facebook pictures and see, or even look me up on Google, and go back throughout the years and how I’ve always liked to get dressed up for the camera. I believed that cosmetics are a form of artwork and self expression, but I’m not afraid to show myself all natural either, as I’ve proven as well too. Someone really concerned with their looks, wouldn’t really care.
2021
Through it all, I preached one truth to young girls: love yourself fiercely, as you are. Don’t fix what isn’t broken. Express who you are. Be the best version of yourself. Dreams? Chase them, but root them in self-love first. Be unapologetically you, while always striving to be your best.
Look at those rhinestone nails! Very little makeup, and false lashes. 2020
All of my past photos show, I’m the same. Yet, recently the spotlight has fixated on my looks and my use of AI tools. I want to cut through the narratives already being formed and so I wrote this.
Listen, everyone’s using tools to create online now, it’s the world we live in! I’ve been crystal clear that I reject AI for deception, spreading lies, or anything that feels like it’s hijacking humanity. But when wielded with integrity, AI is a revolution.
Anyone and everyone who knows me, knows my “talk to text” has been my enemy when writing or communicating. Editing has always been my weak spot. Years ago, I used to pour my heart into blogs, churning out dozens weekly, typos and all, just to share my truth. That raw passion was pure, unfiltered.
2015
I thought spiritual seekers would embrace the ideas, not nitpick small errors. But criticism came, and now, AI became my ally, using Grammarly, polishing my words while keeping every syllable straight from my heart. My authenticity? Untouched. My presentation? The same, but with more colorful backgrounds and adding visuals to help with telling my story or sharing my message.
2014- A year after launching my Youtube.
From my earliest videos, I’ve been a glamorous force, sometimes speaking in a soft, feminine cadence, sometimes blazing with fiery conviction. Bold makeup and lashes one day, bare-faced vulnerability the next.
2019, no makeup except some leftover liner from earlier in the day. My dad already passed. Can you see it in my eyes?
That’s authenticity, showing every facet of myself without fear.
From 2018- 2020, my father was said to not have long to live. My insights foretold 2019. I was right. So between those years, in pics and videos and a few months after my dad died, the grief was visible in my face like in this 2020 pic. I lost so much weight from not eating.
Yet, the focus keeps circling back to my appearance. I don’t need to defend myself.
I’m making a point.
People see only what they want to see, when they want to see it. How come nobody ever mentioned my make up and videos before? I’ve always acted the same?
I stand for women everywhere. As a spiritualist, an ordained minister, and a psychology graduate, I find it degrading that a woman’s authenticity is questioned just for embracing glamour, especially when it’s other women wielding the critique. They, of all people, should understand the desire to present yourself beautifully, to feel vibrant and true without hiding. Still, the harsh words fly under the radar. Not only through that YouTube comment, such as the one that was left, but there were even hateful letters that were sent out to my students, focusing on my appearance. Just because everyone else out there in the world is changing their face, doesn’t mean that I have too!
I was open about the only changes that I have made, and why. I can’t understand why people can’t see why it was necessary in some aspects medically? But my focus on make up? That’s always been there.
It’s already been hard enough for me to build my brand or to get anywhere in trying to get my message out there. I was blessed to find a few new friends who wanted to help with working with me on different ideas on how to present my videos.
Those people suggested using AI visuals and colorful backgrounds. But me? I am still the same exact person in the video, looks, message, and love. Just because one time, I used an AI generated version of myself to get a video done quickly, doesn’t rob me up my realness. It’s shows a busy person, who is doing their best to make things work.
I’ve never hidden my journey. After four children, three C-sections, and hernias, my body bore the scars of creation. I wasn’t embarrassed by them, but hernias were painful and my stomach damaged. In my 40s, I chose to reclaim the form I always envisioned, not for anyone else, but for me. I shared this openly in a raw blog and video, explaining how pregnancy ravaged my body, and how, if I was going to heal, I’d go all in to sculpt my dream silhouette. I found it so strange that I had just posted a heartfelt video just prior to the criticized one, explaining my true intentions.
Yet, the comment was still left? Almost as if my story, my being open about my personal struggles in my journey didn’t matter? Why are people trying to paint me in this new negative way?
Out of respect, I’ve filmed from the shoulders up, keeping it classy, setting an example. Yet, I’m still judged for my confidence? My appearance doesn’t define my soul.
2022, getting back to myself healing from grief, three hernias, and two recent c-sections at the time within those few years.
Why does society insist a virtuous woman can’t also be sexy? This outdated notion, that goodness, integrity, and kindness can’t coexist with allure, is absurd. It’s rooted in rigid traditions, religious dogma, or media’s false dichotomy of “pure” versus “seductive.” I reject that. I’m not using my appearance to lure men or try to seduce anyone. I’m just trying to look beautiful for myself and feel confident. And that’s modesty.
Modesty is when you act with pure intentions. Modesty, to me, is a radiant inner grace that shines through in how you carry yourself, humble in actions and how you treat others, how you speak, being authentic, and grounded in respect for yourself and others. It’s not about hiding your beauty or dimming your light, but about letting your character, kindness, and integrity take center stage. A modest woman can still be confident, even glamorous, rocking a killer outfit or a bare face, as long as her choices reflect self-love and dignity, not a need for external validation.
It’s about knowing that your worth lies in your heart and actions, not just your appearance, and living in a way that uplifts those around you. Modesty is power, not restriction, it’s being unapologetically you, while honoring the divine spark within. And I have always done that!
2015- Two years after launching my Youtube, piercings, colored strands, and matching shadow!
A woman can radiate confidence, charm, and a killer look while embodying virtue. Being sexy doesn’t negate your morals, it’s simply self-expression of a divine feminine. Society needs to shatter these tired stereotypes. And the same goes for women who are overweight, those who don’t wear makeup, who are thin and do, and it should apply no matter the color of their skin. Women should be free to express themselves in any way, as long as it’s classy, for modest and pure reasons, and real.
Life is a canvas, and so are we.
I believe with every fiber of my being that a woman can be classy, sensual, and a divine feminine goddess while radiating righteousness in every thought, word, and deed. My life is a living testament to virtue, those who know me, see it, and my loved ones would stake their hearts on it.
Yet, because I’ve made minor enhancements to heal pregnancy’s toll, my breasts, my stomach, I’m belittled? After over a decade of sharing transformative spiritual teachings, accurate readings, and life-changing courses, a few physical changes eclipse my legacy?
AI in my content? I’ve never shunned it, AI is a tool, not a sin. I’ve been pushing creative boundaries, infusing my videos with vibrant indigo, pink, and gold backgrounds to reflect my soul and build my brand. My older videos? Raw, unpolished, me in a kitchen chair, poor lighting, diving deep into spiritual truths. That rawness was real, but why can’t I evolve?
It’s like I could never make everybody happy. Some people would complain that the audio was too low or too loud, or they would claim that the lighting was too dim. And so I have tried to just step it up a bit and make things more beautiful. I work with an editor, but every creative choice is mine. As a mother of four, running a household, a business, delivering hundreds of readings monthly, healing, coaching, teaching, and creating free content out of pure love, I’m stretched thin.
So, I used AI completely for one entire video to share my message quickly. Normally, I mix it up with my talking and use AI for visuals but for the one I’m referring to, I used AI completely. Instead of praise, I got shade, not just for the tool, but for my looks too. They claimed I care too much about my appearance now, which is nonsense. My old Facebook posts prove, I’ve always embraced glamour.
Trauma and grief aged me for a time, but through spiritual healing, a healthy diet, and a touch of weight gain, I’m glowing again. Why is confidence a crime?
AI is just a storytelling tool, amplifying my ability to share profound truths with clarity and flair. Criticizing my authenticity for experimenting, or embracing my vibrance really hurt.
I send love to those who judge, I hold no grudges, only compassion. I believe in the beauty of women, enhanced or natural. If someone’s face was scarred by fire, wouldn’t they seek healing?
I’m aging, and while you can’t hide time, you can age with grace. My surgeries were necessities, not vanities, born from pregnancy’s toll. Accusations of Botox or fillers though? Those are falsehoods. My lips are mine! You can check my childhood photos.
Born with full lips!
I use brightening filters because my home’s lighting is dim, but I don’t owe explanations. I choose to share because I live authentically, speaking from my heart when moved.
My mother taught me: if you have nothing kind to say, say nothing. Why tear someone down over their glow or tools used, when the world is drowning in real pain, murders, atrocities, suffering?
To those who judge, I ask: why fixate on the superficial when Jesus himself said, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3).
Virtue shines in how we treat others, the choices we make, the kindness we embody, not in our makeup or creative tools. To question my integrity over my confidence or my use of AI to try something new, reveals more about the critics than me.
I feel a deep sadness living in a world where genuine connection and understanding seem scarce. People today are quick to criticize over trivial matters, often missing what truly matters.
Recently, I saw people celebrating the death of the political speaker that I made the video on. Though I disagreed with much of what he said, I couldn’t fathom rejoicing in someone’s passing. How can anyone? Yet, this reflects the society we’re in.
Why do people resort to cruelty or superficial judgments instead of seeking deeper understanding? Whatever happened to the spiritual principle I’ve always taught, that everyone has their own unique story? We don’t always know the struggles others have faced. Where is the empathy, the compassion?
By openly sharing my own story, I strived to be authentic and show I care, not for others’ opinions, but to create mutual respect and prevent misunderstandings. I wanted people to know me, to know my truth.
I have a deep love for people, always celebrating their joys and never tearing anyone down. If we disagree, I acknowledge it respectfully without criticism or debate.
Scripture warned us of these times when mindsets would shift, even among those who once claimed deep spirituality. But spirituality isn’t a trend, as I’ve shared in my videos and blogs. It’s a way of life, a state of being that comes from within, not from fleeting opinions. It requires the courage to look deeper into the heart.
To my supporters, I’m endlessly grateful. I stand unwavering in my principles of virtue, righteousness, and strength, believing women can embody glamour, class, and divine elegance, as long as it’s of used for the wrong reasons or that they act out of righteousness.
I’d never use AI for deceit or depict violence, except to respectfully educate about victims.
I’m thankful for those who defended me, seeing I’m just a busy woman sharing my heart. That one AI-assisted video wasn’t my finest, but I was juggling projects and felt compelled to share predictions about tragedies like Charlie Kirk’s death and the Ukrainian girl’s passing. I mourned for them, editing out graphic details to honor their families. Social media shouldn’t amplify violence, it’s a heartless trend. Despite disagreements with Kirk’s views, I’d never wish harm on anyone. My videos aimed to uncover deeper truths beneath these events, offering insights into the future with respect and love. But even with that, we live in a place where even families are divided because of opinion. My niece is a liberal, and is a lesbian. I don’t judge her political views, even if we share different views. I love her, no matter what.
But just because my daughter expressed condolences towards Charlie Kirk’s death, she was deleted as a friend on social media, by my niece? We don’t have to agree on things, and just because we feel badly about something that happens, doesn’t mean that we support the person or what they represented. It just shows sympathy which is what society is lacking. And if I don’t agree with something that somebody represented, doesn’t mean that I’m going to show hatred myself. That was the message that I was trying to convey in the video.
People everywhere are being misguided by the agenda and propaganda today, to be divided. And everyone is falling into it. And the comment that I received on the video just went on to prove my point even more, that people look at the wrong things. Or they’re not looking more deeply beneath the surface before they express themselves.
This world is fracturing, hatred festers, dividing humanity over politics, religion, race. Kirk once called empathy a “sin” and a “doorway to the occult.” I couldn’t disagree more. Empathy is the heartbeat of humanity.
In my 2019 blog In The Dark and YouTube’s Indoor Generation, I foresaw a world forced indoors, stripped of compassion, divided by a global agenda. The pandemic and isolation I predicted came true, desensitizing us, fueling chaos. My courses and book hold these truths, but do people want to hear them? Would they rather focus on the fact that I’m wearing some make up to look more presentable in my video or that I am trying to be a little more creative? Or focus on the spiritual message instead? What’s more important? The message or the surface judgment?
Does society prefer blindness, lashing out, even killing over differences? Is this the world we want for our children?
I miss the kindness of the ‘90s, when people held their tongues and hearts were softer. Even back throughout time, there has always been violence, and a lot of the crime that we see today, has been there to some degree. Only social media amplifies it more. And on purpose. And yes, it has increased in numbers, the amount of crimes and murders that are taking place today as social media continues to push this picture toward people. It insights anger, aggression, and violence in ways that people aren’t seeing clearly.
I saw this storm coming, but one voice, mine, struggles against deliberate silencing, judged for my appearance or tools. I pour my soul into every one of my videos in the past, but today the platform is changing. And so I’m working harder to make the content a little more updated, choosing each image, clip, and topic with care to share deeper truths.
See me, not the version you want to judge.
To every woman reading this: you are a masterpiece, flaws and all. Love yourself fiercely. If something’s broken, fix it without shame, but don’t alter what’s already perfect. My surgeries healed the wreckage of childbirth, and I’m at peace with God. He knows my journey. My visions and teachings deep, real.
Let’s focus on what matters: uplifting each other, seeing hearts, not surfaces. The world is crumbling, don’t add to the noise with judgment. Let’s spread love, empathy, and truth instead.
Can people just be happy for me? I am finally able to create better content, and I’m feeling a lot better these days. Its been a rough few years. for goodness sake, I lost my entire family. My grandfather, my uncles, my own father, all within a year in 2019. Then I had two new children, two C-sections, three hernias, four home floodings, and the loss of three of my students due their passing away within 2017-2023. I have my teachings stolen from me, and people leave me behind once they take what they want from me. And I shared every bit of my personal life openly online, the entire way.
If that’s not authenticity on top of the truth that I’ve taught, with legit predictions that I’ve made for years added to that, then I don’t know what is.
Look, I am who I am. I’m me.
But just for the sake of proving it, every photo that I have shared here from the past, still reflects the same exact beauty that I display today. There’s no difference. And, my lips are the same size too! I have always said that it’s beauty that comes from within and no matter how we choose to appear on the outside shouldn’t change who we are on the inside. But the beauty inside generally reflects it even more greatly externally.
Be confident in who you are, no matter who that is. Please never be afraid to grow or evolve.
With that, I’m good with God. I just want things to be good with my remaining followers and friends. I just want my followers to not fall into the new narrative that a few people have tried to circulate. Especially people that haven’t been around in years, or those that are only just arriving.
But I will never allow anyone to tarnish my authenticity or my reputation. It’s OK that perhaps maybe on the surface that’s what they may have thought and I’m forgiving. I send the individual love. But it did hurt my heart a lot as they should’ve known better. It’s not fair to judge the surface. If they didn’t like the AI used in the video that’s fine, I didn’t personally like the way that it turned out either.
I’m not focusing on my appearance, more, I have always tried to look beautiful in my videos and photos, and I haven’t changed much over the years except for the things that I have openly discussed with people, and the medical reasons as to why I needed them. My youth is due to healings called cellular rejuvenation, and I have even written about my opinion on fillers and what they actually do to a person’s face. But even if anyone else had them, I don’t judge. There’s definitely a healthier and more spiritual way to reserve your youth through biohacking and rejuvenation healings, but hey, people are free to make their own choices you know? But to me, it’s not a person’s appearance that matters, it’s the soul within and how the carry themselves, the goodness inside, the beauty in loving words that they speak and actions made in wisdom. But a beautiful soul can radiate from within to make a person even more beautiful on the outside too. It’s even more of a package if they have both.
Me today- 2025- Still the same! Just glowing more.
It’s only out of respect for my followers who trust me, that I felt a need to post this, or even add pictures to prove the point. Your respect and your love is valued and cherished so much, that I would go out of my way, such as to do so. I stand by my truth. I’m only trying out the new YouTube thumbnails to spark intrigue and interest, and trying to be more creative with my content. There are so many new styles of YouTube videos out there now, I’m just trying to find my new groove.
In closing, for newcomers, can we please now focus on what really matters? The message that I carry? Life is already been pretty hard on me and trying to teach people spirituality and bring visions that don’t always align with people’s views, has been really hard on me and trying to get my message out there. I’ve had censorship issues, and there are so many others now speaking the same exact messages that I spoke first many years ago, Who are getting somewhere with it. I’m not getting millions of views here, I’m just making humble content with a love of trying new experimental things in order to be more creative while teaching, and that’s really my only intention. I love God with all of my heart and talking about spiritual subjects has always been my deepest passion. And I don’t want judgment ever taking that away from me.
Welcome, dear reader. It’s so good to have you back and thank you so very much for taking interest in me, that you have come to hear my thoughts and wisdom. It’s nice to know that someone cares.
If you’ve ever really thought about the title of this website, you’ll understand what the website is for. It’s called “Spiritually Awkward: The diary of a spiritual fanatic”. That’s right, it’s a diary!
All of my other websites are made for teaching others about spirituality and the heavens. But this one here, was solely for me to express my deepest thoughts and feelings in. I also use it to share different things that I’m working on, or Spiritual experiences that I’ve had. But mainly, it’s a place for me to vent. Everybody needs a friend. For me, I have always had a very isolated life. Besides, the heavens, this diary is the only place that I can truly let out my deepest thoughts. I also think about others and have made it so that anyone needing to, can vent when they go to my messages or emails. Granted the emails have become nothing but commercial spam for some reason… But that hasn’t stopped anyone from being able to send in their thoughts.
I do read them.
But here… It’s my time. And I’m always so very thankful for those that care enough to take the time out to read this. Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I really would like to express my thoughts here considering that I have gone through a lot over the last year and I know that many others have gone through their own trials. I don’t only think about my own path in life. My time here has been spent mainly on worrying about others. My greatest hopes and intentions are to show other people that they are loved and cared about, and that I have answers that they can use from the heavens to better themselves. Anything that seems impossible, we’ll try to work through together. Nevertheless, seeing others who are struggling truly pains my heart. I hope that just by reading my thoughts, I can be an example of how to handle things, and, that it’s OK to feel how you feel.
It still feels pretty good to have a listening ear though doesn’t it? With that, I thank you again for coming by.
Thoughts on time, trials, & random reflections
To start, it feels like time has gone by so quickly. It was just Halloween, and now it’s the first week of December? November seems almost as if it never even took place! Well, for me anyway.
December already? Wow. Being the soul that I am, time has always been fast or seemingly nonexistent. Yet, there were times that I could adjust my perception to a 3-D view and experience a little bit of what everyone else did. With that, I can remember moments when I was small, where it seemed like it took forever for Christmas to come. but stepping back into a higher dimensional view, the weeks and months have always gone by fast. Yet adjusting back into the 3-D perspective, at present time, time is going super fast for everybody nowadays.
I’ve always told everyone that time was a man-made illusion that has been changed whenever it was convenient. From the beginning of man’s existence on earth, and throughout the millennia, the calendar has changed many times. Here’s an interesting article to read when you’re done here, if you want to see how man has strived to perfect “measuring” time.
Putting time to the side, I know the secret to perpetual youth. And yes, one could live forever. Immortality is a little more on the “impossible” side because of the way that the world is. But think about perpetual youth?
Health and youthfulness everlasting?
It isn’t possible without several things that need to be put into place. The only thing that I can say without revealing the secret is that it’s very difficult for anyone to achieve. Especially in this day and age. Remaining inside of the matrix, and its way of doing things, will make it so that we are all bound by the clock until change brings the possibility. If I had a place where I could bring all of the people that were interested in learning these secrets, they could live there with me and learn how to reach a state of health and youthfulness that would last beyond what they could imagine. That may just be wishful thinking, mixed into my world of flowing mentation.
Now back to the astounding realization that it’s December, already, I reflect back into some of the thoughts that have been cycling through my mind lately. That brings me into a state of concern again. There are so many beautiful things in life to be thankful for, but yet at this time in the world people are experiencing so much difficulty. My heart truly aches for them. People can only see what’s in front of them now. They all hear things in the news, but how many really feel deeply troubled by it? It’s one thing to say: “That’s a shame”, or “I wish things were better for other people ”, but is it really emotion that they’re putting behind those words? Or is it just a thought? I channel people in the world even without wanting or trying to. I can tell you that I feel heartbroken a lot of the time, that’s for sure. Why can’t people care about one another?
For me, I truly feel sympathy, compassion, and remorse for the way that things are. I can’t stand the suffering that people have to endure. I take it personally. The thought of human suffering puts me into utter despair at times where I’ll have a day or two where I just cry because of the things happening in the world. I’ll have to fight really hard in order to pick myself back up after I go through something like that.
There are so many people throughout time that have been victims of starvation, disease, poverty, homelessness, and so many other terrible things that existence brings in this world. On the other side of things, there are a lot of others that have had blessed lives without worry or struggle. Many people often ask me what really makes it so that there are others who thrive, and others that don’t? Who determines who lives in a state of struggle?
Many people think that it has to do with God, or a person’s fate. In some cases struggle has a lot to do with a person’s fate, but most of it is caused by mankind. To answer that question once and for all, those who determine who will be poor, or wealthy, are decided by the world powers. There are countries that are deliberately kept in a state of poverty, so that the people have no way to fight for themselves. Those countries are used for experiments, such as biological weapons and viruses. And then organizations rise up, claiming to help, but not all of the money really reaches them. How terribly sad! While others focus on feeding the poor overseas, they forget about the poor that live in their very own town, state or country.
This is just my mindset.
It goes in a circle and takes me into so many different areas of this subject. It flip-flops back-and-forth between thinking about the needs of others, and what I could possibly do to help myself. How can I find a way to make things okay for everybody, if many won’t listen? How can I find help for myself if I don’t ask? The reason why I am putting this article out here to begin with is because I strongly feel that there are a lot of people who are going through a lot of similar things. Yes, my situation is different, but the worry and thought process could be the same. I want others to know that they are not alone. Just because I have the help of the heavens doesn’t mean that I don’t go through difficulties myself as well.
It’s not always easy for me either, you’re not alone
Yashua of Nazareth had his trials. He didn’t work a job after he began his mission of spreading the wisdom of heaven. He worked as a carpenter for a long time before that, though. He gave it up to preach to people. Back then they didn’t have the Internet, telephones, or television. They only had word of mouth, or written word. To enlighten others as much as he could, he had to travel. He had to live off of the donations of other people hoping that kind people would provide for not only himself, but his followers as well.
Luckily, there were people that helped provide food and shelter. The New Testament in the Bible speaks of times where he found support. But those were only a few moments of charity that were highlighted in his story. Imagine how many other times when they couldn’t find a place to lay their head or a bite to eat? He spoke of faith and placing trust in the heavens that he and his followers would find what they needed to get by. Yes, let’s not forget that he performed miracles that proved that heaven was by their side. But that doesn’t mean that he didn’t run into times of hardship. He was persecuted after all.
I have faced my own persecution during these times. As a messenger, I have had great difficulty spreading the word. The Internet may seem as if it provides more of an ability to reach greater numbers, but when you’re being blocked by the system, it makes things just as difficult as it would have been for Yashua, trying to get to other places that perhaps were not welcoming.
I have also had to rely on the money given to me through the services, teachings, and insight that I give. That’s why I’ve always kept prices low. People take advantage of things today, and if I left it open that a person could leave a donation for the service, many people would not have provided any kind of donation at all. And so I have tried to make it fair for everyone, including myself… to survive.
Yet while looking back on all of the hard work that I’ve put out there over the years, including things that I’ve done for free on my own time to benefit others, I found that it may be necessary to work another job as well. Last year, I actually tried that. I went on a job search and found a job serving in a restaurant. My daughter had gotten a job as a waitress sometime before that, and I thought that if she could do it, I could.
In doing so, I made things utterly uncomfortable for myself. I can’t tell you how many times I came home feeling like I was physically dying from something. I thought what a horrible existence. Could you imagine if I never got anywhere with my spiritual teachings? What if the world didn’t accept me? I would have had to feel like this every day of my life, working a regular job? The psychic torture That I would’ve had to have endured. I’m sure glad that everything worked out according to my life’s plan and purpose. I certainly couldn’t continue with it. I’m just not made for conventional society. I can float along with things as much as I can, but I am a non-conformist who has always lived life to the beat of my own drum. Well, that beat is the song of the heavens. That definitely makes it a little hard to go along with, especially in regards to the world today. It’s said to “be no part of this kingdom”.Yet the way that things are done here on earth, makes it very difficult for anyone to separate themselves from it. You’ll always be a part of it in some way, shape or form. Even me.
I wanted to earn more money and have the ability to pay my bills and fix any upcoming household issues. Things were not nearly all that horrible last year, but I could foresee that there would be hardships to come ahead. Sure enough, July 2022 brought its fair share of bad luck. Nevertheless, working in a public restaurant, or any other public place for that matter, totally destroyed me. All of the thoughts that I could pick up on from the people, things in their aura, Vibrations of the environment itself… It was all just too much.
I also have to mention that I also had to balance out my other responsibilities, and my work as a spiritual teacher. I certainly got behind on a lot of things, and I know that there were a lot of people that may have been frustrated with me because of the delays in receiving their services. But what could I do? I had to make things better somehow, someway. Luckily, enough, I have a kind individual who takes care of me with a lot of things. I have always called them “my angel”. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to get by. Especially now that I’m not working a second job. But I’m still left to the same needs.
Inflation is affecting everyone
When it comes to how inflation is effecting me, it’s been challenging. I have two toddlers, two older children, a home that has a lot of bills and repairs needed, and a business that I also have bills to pay for. Food also runs about $600 a week to feed all of those people. I don’t buy anything for myself since I don’t need to eat much. But even if I did eat, I couldn’t afford to buy groceries for myself. My daughter works, but that’s only enough money for her to pay her own bills. My heart breaks every time that I think of the poor families out there that can’t afford groceries. I shake my head in disbelief and my eyes tear up with genuine sympathy. I’m so blessed to have food to feed my family. I’m so blessed! It makes me glad that I don’t have enough for myself. If there are others out there that can’t eat, then while I appreciate the blessings and I’ll use what I have to care for the people that I’m responsible for, I myself will join those who are hungry.
Thinking about this time of year adds a sense of concern. Especially this year. I have enough faith to move mountains, but because there are so many people out there who don’t have enough faith, and they worry. I can feel their worries. Thoughts running through my mind such as:
“I hope everyone out there has enough food to eat, and a nice warm place to stay. I hope that nobody feels alone. I hope everyone is able to financially afford their needs, and that those who can’t, find someone to help”.
It crosses my mind that now that it’s the holidays, it’s a time that is reserved for cherishing any festive moments that one can have with their family. That makes me think of my whole family. It makes me think of my father. Without him, there’s not much of a family anymore. I am the glue that holds the family together now, but my two oldest children are now growing up and have lives of their own. My mom has withdrawn into the world of her own where she doesn’t interact or do much with any of us. She never really did. At least when my father was alive, she would sit with us and be present. Now that he’s gone, she doesn’t even do that. The thought of my mom makes me think of others who are in a similar place. Why don’t people apple the people that they do have in their lives? Loss is hard, but there are still living people to be thankful for, and to not take that time with them for granted.
I have the two little ones but sometimes it would be nice to look forward to having family to visit or celebrate the holidays with instead of it always being just me and my two little toddlers. How many people have lost a loved one due to Covid, cancer, and how many other dangers or illnesses? So many. They’ll probably feel sad this holiday season. I can relate to them, how it feels to miss someone.
Then I think about how it’s getting cold outside, and I can longer enjoy a nice walk. I think about how the neighborhood is already starting to seem as if it’s empty because there’s no one outside, and that it’ll be this way for a while during the long winter months. That thought leads my mind into the next.
I start thinking about the homeless people that are going to be outside and how horrible it must be to have to go through such hardship. I remember when I was younger and didn’t have a place to stay. I had to sleep outside a few times back then. I was in college and didn’t have any money to find a place to stay. Any money that I did make while I was working, wasn’t enough to put a roof over my own head yet. Back then, my parents only had a small apartment, and it seemed that my mother had other plans that provided shelter for someone else rather than her daughter and grandson. It was a very hard time, but luckily it was during the summer and early fall. I never had to endure the cruelty of winter’s cold air. I put myself in the shoes of those who have to live that way, and it pains my heart to imagine that there are good people out there that can’t provide the most important necessity for themselves…a warm and safe place to stay.
My mind drifts into so many different thoughts. And leads me into thinking about how blessed many of us really truly are. But those blessings are not promised to last. Especially today with everything that’s happening in the world around us. Inflation is making even more people find it hard to provide. Many more people have been sent to the streets to live, because of the cost of living. Christmas is coming up and everything is so overpriced. I can imagine how many people out there truly feel a sense of worry during this time.
No it’s not just me.
Everyone is thinking about what they are going to do in order to just get by or even make things a little better. Social media has made our children care about things that are superficial and costly. As parents, many of us want to please our beloved children, but I have a feeling many kids are going to feel disappointed this year. Parents have to make it work no matter how difficult the situation is. Children fail to understand the value of money, and all of the tiring hours of hard work that their parents go through in order to earn it.
My thoughts stay within the same subject, but branch off into different facets of it.
Christmas.
What would I do for Christmas? What about the surgery that I have coming up? I’ve had to use everything that I have in order to provide necessities, but now Christmas is right around the corner. No doubt time will go just as quickly passed. I truly need a way to figure things through. Since July, I’ve had to help my mother pay for an electricity issue, pay for her washing machine that broke down, put up money to help fix her car since it’s my only means of transportation, and pay for the bills for the household. Doing all of that and having to pay for my own bills, support the kids, and supply food took everything that I had.
I can only imagine how many other people are going through something similar. Thinking about them, I cried. Talking to my family just the other night, I told them that I couldn’t believe how many people failed to think about all of the individuals out there beyond their own homes. A friend of the family said that people can’t worry about the people beyond their household. They have to worry about their own family.
That made me cry even more.
Thinking about Christmas led me to think about my kids. Thinking about the kids made me think about when I had them and how fast time has gone by since I had them. When thinking about when Alexander was born, that led me to think about my surgery even more. Beautiful little gift that God gave me didn’t come without difficulty. Since he was born abdominal cavities weakened and my organs underneath protruded. Three issues. Already, I’ve had one surgery to fix them. But the insurance said that it only covered one operation. Anything else, I would have to pay for. Right now, I need the same three areas fixed since the problems have returned. The doctor’s have told me it’s because I need a more intricate surgery in order to put everything back into place. I don’t care much about my appearances but I don’t think anybody would want their stomach looking like mine does. I was really trying hard to save up. $7000 is a lot.
The bump sticking out of my belly is the reason that I needed surgery after Zander was born. It returned and this year and is twice as big, needing a more intricate surgery to fix. I am twice as thin today than in the photo since I had just had the baby a few months before. It shows more now. I sometimes wrap my stomach to hide it.
That made me also think about all of the kind of people that try to look out for me. It made me grateful that I have what I have already. But then I thought about how blessed I truly am. And that made me think about how many people aren’t. Maybe living with the abdominal problems that I have, couldn’t be the worst thing that would ever happen. In the world, people are heartless, and mean, and of all of the individuals that I worry about that I don’t even know, and those that I do, I wish that I had the ability to fix any issues that they have. I’ve had my fair share of heartache and experience with hurtful people.
I never want anyone to hurt. As a heavenly creature, I have always seen that most human beings only look out for themselves, and while they do nice things for others… They always look out for themselves first. I’ve also seen how humans really only love while having conditions. That means that they also help others with conditions as well. I’m not talking about anyone specifically, dear reader. I am just telling you what I have experienced throughout my life when it comes to the world.
But heaven has always tried to prove something to me.
My situation is the way that it is, for them to show me something. Since I was a young girl, I’ve always told the heavens that human beings seemed to be without a true definition of love. That made me think about a person who once asked me why as an angel, I can’t manifest millions of dollars for myself.
It makes me giggle a little bit.
I needed to giggle,
I’m tired of the tears.
Thinking about that question, I wonder how it could be so hard for them to see the truth. Let’s say that even if I could manifest a million, why would I want to do that for myself? Why not manifest a million dollars for some individual out there that needs it more? I may have had hardships and struggles that I have a roof over my head and food for my family to eat. I could manifest anything. And I do. But not for myself. There have been things that I’ve done on a grand scale, but I would never talk about it publicly. I’m sure there have been a lot of people that have had some surprises in their lives throughout time because of that. There have been a lot of people that have gotten even smaller surprises in their lives, and some of them knew that it was me lol. This is just the current cycle of my thought process. I apologize for rambling, but then again it is my own diary, and there should be no need for me to say that I’m sorry. My mind and heart together are truly tumultuous.
Why would a divine creature choose to be wealthy? Wouldn’t that take away from their example of living as a humble person? The heavens did not grant me wealth because they wanted me to be aware of every single time that they have ever helped me. It’s true that in the darkness, the light is more visible, is it not? I would have seen that light, no matter what, but it was truly a miraculous thing to have been able to see all of the times that they rescued me. And no, I’m not talking about things that people could have thought of as just coincidence.
Just for one simple example…
This takes my mind back to the time that I mentioned earlier of when I was without a place to stay. My son Noah was one year old. I was always worried about making sure that he had what he needed. I would pray, while walking from location to location, that the heavens could somehow provide for us. I had only just finished saying the prayer and walking just a little further ahead I would look down and find a $20 bill on the ground.
This didn’t happen once, and it didn’t happen twice. It didn’t even happen just three times. It happened every day, from the time that I started to ask for help in that prayer, up until the time when the situation was resolved. Imagine that! Could that be a coincidence? Perhaps one could say it was a coincidence if it had only been just a few times, but this was daily. There have been so many other things like that from situations that were smaller, the ones that were greatly important. If there was ever anyone in this world, that could say that they were truly blessed, that individual is me.
Coming back to the individual who asked me why I don’t manifest a lot of money for myself, I have a question for them.
With the help that heaven has provided me with, do I really need $1 million afterall? Why not use the power of the heavens to help others that don’t have as much assistance from the heavens in their everyday situations? It makes a lot of sense doesn’t it? My thoughts could go on and on lol. But to add to this and conclude it, I wonder what people would choose if they were offered $1 million or ongoing help from the heavens throughout life in a situation of need? That is truly something to think about isn’t it? Maybe then people will understand.
With all of the help that heaven has provided me with, they not only help me through sudden miracles… But they help me through other people too. They wanted to prove to me that there are good people out there that actually care. Sure it’s hard for me to imagine since I have seen a lot of ugliness in the world. I have often talked about the compassion that I feel regarding others, including strangers, more than I have heard anyone else exclaim it. It made me wonder if people truly have the ability out there to love one another as they should.
Before coming here, and throughout my experience on earth, I have always said that human beings seemed to be without the true definition of love and virtue as heaven displays it. Anyone can certainly see that mankind has been responsible for hurting each other throughout time, more than they have helped one another. Even looking at the world today it is obvious that people are becoming even colder and self-serving.
Yet I believe that, while I am here to teach others how to develop heavenly love, heaven also wanted me to see that while there may not be anyone on earth with the true definition of love as heavenly beings give it, there are kind loving people in the world nonetheless. The heavens have shown me this through the kind things that people have done for me that have really made a difference.
I strive to look for goodness and kindness all around me, and I do see it out there. There are a lot of people that contribute to charities, fight for worthy causes, and those who would lay their life down for a friend if it meant saving them. I have even heard of people that have donated an organ to someone who needed one. I have even heard stories of people that have risked their lives for a stranger. Firefighters do it all the time. There are a lot of beautiful people in the world, and I am so happy to know that, even through my own experiences personally. I truly have had the gift of living on earth to learn this wonderful lesson. Even now, there is a wonderful person in my life that has done more for me than anyone else. Aside from my own father, they have truly taken care of me. That alone proves that there are people in the world that have the ability to learn how to love and care for others, the way that heaven would.
Love doesn’t just come in the form of helping someone out with financial assistance, and one cannot say that love is just as simple as being a listening ear either. Love falls everywhere in between. “To love” means that you would do anything that you had to do in order to help somebody, in any way that you could offer, according to your means. if the person was in trouble and they were in need of specific things, the person that loves them would fight to find a way to find those things. Love is always putting one’s self aside for the sake of others.
It again circles me back to my earlier thoughts regarding the question of the one individual who asked me why I don’t manifest $1 million for myself. I can’t get over that lol. Even if I did manifest a world of wealth like that, I probably wouldn’t have had it for very long anyhow. I know that I would have given so much of it away to people in need, that none of it would be left.
People talk about winning the lottery all of the time and in hypothetical conversations they go through a list of “what if’s”, regarding what they do with their winnings. I have heard conversations like that and people almost always have included what they would do to help others or at least somebody close to them. I wonder how many people would actually go through with the things on that list if they actually won? I would do a lot of things that would help other people and for myself all I would care about would be to make sure that I was humbly able to live safely and comfortably. But then again, that wouldn’t be for myself. I could live through any given situation, no matter how bad the circumstances. I would want the safety and comfortability for my loved ones. My intentions are always focused on others.
With any winnings, I would have given a proportion to someone who was in more need than me, that I would still have enough left to help more than one person. That’s because through all of the wonderful things that heaven has done for me in my life (just like the $20 that I found everyday on the ground when I was without, the insight and healing that they’ve done through me for others, and for all of the bigger things that they’ve helped me with) I would want to give another human being that feeling of finding a miracle. There have been a lot of people in my life already who have all told me that I worry far too much about other people, rather than myself. Those closest to me, feel as though I have really hurt myself in doing so. I wonder if anyone knows what it’s like to truly give to others until you have nothing left yourself?
I know that you must already be getting tired of hearing my rambling right now. But where else am I supposed to vent out my thoughts? Heaven already knows everything that I’m thinking and feeling. Sometimes it’s nice to have human ears that can hear you out. It seems that no matter how many people I talk to about what I’m thinking and feeling, it doesn’t seem to hit them deep in their core.
Being so virtuous and compassionate, sometimes I feel utterly alone in this world. If you’re reading from any of my websites, especially this diary, then you are one of the deeper people out there. I know that you must feel the same way sometimes. There aren’t many who dwell on things like this.
Do you?
Do your thoughts sometimes circle around the way that mine do?
Do you have thoughts of the world and of what you wish you could change in it?
The world is full of useless distractions. It seems that the leaders know exactly what they’re doing when they allow certain things on social media. They say that this generation is “woke”. But all that I see, is the fulfillment of many of the prophecies that I predicted, coming true. If you’re a student of mine, then you should already know that all that is happening today really only applies in terms of an agenda that is being greatly promoted. I have been talking about the corruption that is behind the face front of many different things for the longest time now. In fact, when I started to reveal things like that and more, I was considered to be a conspiracy theorist. I was censored from being able to freely express myself in regards to what I knew. Now I hear of many people talking about the very same things and it truly hurts my heart. It hurt me because nobody wanted to listen when I spoke out. But what hurts me most of all is that they are still missing the bigger picture.
Anyone can claim to be awake these days. Just because people can see that the government is corrupt doesn’t mean that they are awake. Being awake means that you’re not only seeing the problem, but that you are changing so that you can be a part of the greater change. Yet so many people are boosting their own egos and act as if nobody has ever said any of this before. There is something so much deeper than what most people see, and I can tell you that many of them are playing into the agenda even still. I have so much that I want to teach people, but sometimes my thoughts take me deep into my mind and I wonder whether it’s even worth it to try anymore. Everyone deserves the truth, but when the truth requires change… many will turn the other cheek.
Right now, all that I want is for the world to change. I want everyone everywhere in a matter who they are, to be OK. The heavens have foretold of so much more to come. All that I want is to know that there are still good people out there that are truly seeking spiritual enlightenment, and who desire real change within themselves. It is easier for so many out there to join the flock and go along with what everyone else is doing. It’s easier to give into urges for self indulgences. Everyone is sad and struggling, and looking for anything that can take away the stress, and for many…their pain.
I know pain.
I experience everyone else’s on top of my own. It is a great burden to live with, being who I am.
For now, I can’t change the entire world. Miracles for a lot of people are slim to none. Or at least that’s what they think. So many people really are blessed. They simply fail to see it. If others could see more help. I am grateful with all that I am that the heavens have walked through many difficult times in my life. Most of all, I’m blessed that they’ve given me the ability to help other people. That alone is my true meaning to life. In the meantime, I have faith that my heavenly family will help me with the things that I need assistance with. They’ve never left me without help before.
The most important lesson that I want others to gain from this diary entry here is that even if I don’t receive the help somehow, I’m still more than grateful for everything that heaven has done for me throughout my life, and to be disappointed would be truly a sign of ingratitude. Faith can move mountains. Even just recently, I’ve had a great sign of hope that I may be able to get the surgery done. In my previous entry on this site I spoke of how Heaven always helps through the people here in this world that are open to doing the works of the angels. I was speaking in regards to others who are open to seeing signs that the heavens want them to help through feeling moved to do something when they hear that someone else is in need. That’s not just in reference to myself, but even for other people. I know of a few people even in my spiritual circle that have been there for other group members too. I had a very nice person come along a month ago who read my blog and mentioned that they would do the best that they could to try to raise some money and donate it to help me out. I’ve had another person who also bought many readings to help me. It’s nice that they purchased services, and that way it’s an even exchange. And so I do have hope that at least that’ll be one thing less that I’ll have to worry about, if everything works out the way that it should. But things happen, and I know that the matrix always tries to make things difficult for me, especially where heaven tries to make it easier.
They won’t provide me any insight on the outcome because I believe they want me to continue to be an example, that whatever they decide either way, I will be OK with.
Hopefully this will teach others to accept the decisions of heaven in their own situations, whether they work out or not for them. It’s also a lesson to believe in miracles and that they will always be there for those that truly have faith. Even if a person doesn’t have the result that they’re looking for in their situation, it doesn’t mean that the heavens aren’t there for them. I hope that everyone will always look for the miracles in their own lives, great and small.
As for now, my thoughts continue to whirl around in concern for everybody these days. As I try to find ways to improve my own situation, I am always looking to do what I can to help others. Through all of my love and concern that I have felt especially recently for the people in the world, I’m not standing by and doing nothing. I am one of those individuals that heaven does their work through, and I’ve been raising canned goods, blankets and coats for the homeless. I do it every year.
If you have anything that you can send in regards to canned goods, blankets, used clothing, or coats that you don’t need, feel free to send it my way, and I will gather it together before the holidays to take it where I know people need it most. You don’t have to. Only if you have anything that you don’t need, or can I encourage you to take to a shelter in your own area? I don’t post as much about doing charity since I don’t look for praise. I hope this reminded anyone out there who may have forgotten to give, to donate somehow. I know what it’s like to have a lot going on that things can slip one’s mind. But one blanket, one meal, $1, anything small means something big to someone in need.
If your thoughts are like mine, pondering over the conditions of the world end of your own life… Just know that you’re not alone. I’m so grateful that you have such an open mind and heart that you care and that you are doing whatever it is that you’re doing, to be a better change, you’re in this world. Even if that just means that you’re helping yourself to change. I send you my love.
For future reference, I’ll add diary-like entries more often. I suppose that everyone knew that I was posting about my life and thoughts, and that this was like a spiritual journal of sorts. This site gives you a view into my mind, heart, soul, and my daily life. Everyone gives me the honor and privilege of allowing me into their personal and private lives, as well as their soul. Why shouldn’t I give them the same respect in return?
Firstly, forgive me for my post of the elderly man who passed out back of my house. My post had no malice in it, but was to show of miracles. Being right there when it happened, the police announced aloud do you want another that he had passed on while driving this vehicle and that they were trying to resuscitate him. However I thought it was amazing that it happened right in my backyard on most, if being that we are very loving and thought immediately to send healing and prayers. The man did end up living which I didn’t get to continue on and telling the story, since the post had offended some. Nevertheless, God does work in mysterious ways and having led him here, he had a family that prayed hopefully for him. Who knows? Had it been any other place, maybe there would not have been? Plus, the fact that it was here at a healer’s house too. It was almost like his vehicle just came to a stop right here at my home. I thought it was a wonderful thing that God to make sure that he was brought to a good place in order to survive. I thought to make it a conversation piece about miracles, but the post didn’t go very far due to comments that people made before knowing anything further about the story, or for those that took it the wrong way. I saw it as ignorance and judgemental. I never jump on top of people whether I agree or disagree with something. Besides, those who know me…. knew my intention was good.
I still apologize if it came off as brash to anyone. I should have left his face out of the picture.  I would have loved to had continued on with talking about it in the comments but it seems that people don’t give things a chance and like to jump down peoples throats before they know anything else. For now on, I’ll have to tell the entire story all in one giant sum, without giving people ability to ask questions about things in order to engage with them. I just want to thank the police for the exceptional job that they did fighting for his life, and God for allowing the man to live on. He was taken to the nearest hospital after they found a pulse on him. I was only a few feet away so I was able to hear everything as they did bring him to the edge of my yard. A new beginning for him I hope! Speaking of growth and new beginnings….
Today we think of growth. It’s a new moon after all with lots of magic going on tonight. I know that I’ll be enjoying it with my ritual circle!
Growth is all around us in the cycles of life. We are all one body here on this planet. But in that one body, there exists cells that carry disease. That disease would equal to being the people that are full of corruption. If you can imagine on a greater level, the protests, wars, and acts of violence that are all happening right now, would look like a little tiny dots of illness within a great bloodstream. It’s like cancer and how it appears on testing. Like little tiny black dots dancing across the person’s inner universe. It’s the same here for earth. How did it even come to be this way? I guess that it doesn’t really matter so much now. What matters is, trying to make it better. Just like cancer though, there doesn’t seem to be much of a cure for the corruption and evils that exist here within people on the earth.
The only thing that we can try to do is multiply the good cells! In other words, we can try to inspire other people to be better. The more and more who change for the better, the more and more who are inspired…. Even those who are corrupt may have a chance to become good. We need to override the ignorance and ugliness.. If we are all one body though, then how can one body come to turn on itself? How can all of the “cells” that are meant to help the body run, come to wage war against one another? Would that not tear the body apart?
That’s exactly what’s happening because if you look at the earth today, we have huge holes in the magnetosphere and in the ozone. There are natural disasters happening everywhere at a great magnitude, just as if the earth is screaming for help. And when the earth’s vibration gets negative and is brought down, then the lifeforms living on it will do the same! Even though they’re vibration happened to be the one that started it all to begin with. It just drives the consciousness down further and further. In the Bible there’s a scripture that says:
“Is it not written in your laws that I have said you are gods?” John 10:34
It’s mentioned again at Psalm 82:6…
“I have said: You are gods; you are all sons of the most high. But you will die like mere mortals. You will fall like every other leader.”
The heavens are referring to the gods who once walked the Earth and their offspring. And yes they did fall, as they do time and time again, it being that they pass on and reincarnate over and over in cycles. Up, down, day, night, above, below, to fall, and to rise… It is all the same thing metaphorically. However, mankind in their own right believe themselves to be gods since they rebelled against the heavens and took the earth for their own. Their empires built for the offspring of the gods whom are still here, are vast and glorious.. but yet like it says “they do not live forever”. Even king Solomon himself said that it is striving after the wind that a man build some thing only to pass on and leave it behind for somebody else. However, I have heard many people reference men to being a God, even especially in the science world. I have even seen it referenced in spiritual quotes like the one below.
However, if so many people have recently awakened, then as God wouldn’t they see the terrible situation that our earth is in? But how many people were so ready to flock to the protests? Even though some of those protests were peaceful, many of them were just excuses for people to act out violently. Even for those that spoke about the “black lives matter” movement, there were many in the African-American communities who were hurting others of their very own ethnicity? So really it was all just a bunch of hypocrisy and unnecessary destruction. If many people were truly awake and became godlike, then why would there not be more conscious awareness of things? How many people say that they are awake but yet are so truly unaware that they still litter and throw trash on the ground? How many say that they are awake, and still speak vulgarly to other people or engage in confrontations? How many of them really are just saying that, as a way to glorify themselves? Probably a majority. And that’s because the truly awake person would not act in any of those ways. No, man is not God, but there is a little essence of God in all here. That is where the light that lives within all living things, comes from anyhow. Still, there would be so many changes to the world had anyone had the ability to purely access that light for what it’s truly meant to be accessible for. I mean think about it? Many just want it for vanity. Most people just want to be able to have a spiritual gift or ability, which is why they pursue becoming awake to begin with. Many just want to be viewed as as being superior. If a lot of people like that would just look deep down inside their hearts and be honest with themselves, they would see that that’s the truth. How many can really face the truth? Which is also another sign that they have not fully reached awakening. Anyone awake could face the ugliest part of themselves head on, come to terms with it, understand it, and then change it. They would not run from it or push it far deep away. That is because a God or someone awake, is someone that acknowledges all truth, good and bad for the higher divine purpose in it.
Also they would recognize that everyone is a part of God here. Therefore, they would treat one another with the upmost love and respect. Obviously if we are all brought here under the same light, then we connect not only into the consciousness of this matrix, but also from the matrix realities we all come from individually. And don’t forget about the one, that we have all come from at some point in the very beginning and it’s essence of it. Even in celestial lineage.
They would see everything and everyone around them as being a part of that one, no matter how distant or close. It doesn’t matter what reality a soul comes from, everyone of them has a connection in the greater web of consciousness that is the universe. Therefore, there is an all seeing eye above, the all seeing eye here. Everyone is having just another adventure for their higher self who connects together with someone else’s, then someone else’s, and then someone else’s. In the end, we are all a projection of the great “One”. People who are awake know that, because when you are awake, you can start to see where other people come from… a great deal… because they start feeling interconnected. No one would think to be rude, or hurtful to their own self standing before them and another form would they? Even for those that say that they are awakening or have reached a full state of being awake, they still have many of the earthly like traits such as impatience, anger, frustration, jealousy, envy, contentious, hateful, And they don’t have any regard for anything truly sacred. Even when it comes to waiting for my angelic readings, many people like to rush me. Hey look I get it, if it has been over 2 to 3 weeks, that’s kind of pushing it a bit on my end, but what if there’s some reason as to why it hasn’t come just yet? What if there’s something going on with me? Or perhaps your spirit guides think it isn’t quite time yet? Or maybe the schedule is just overbooked? With some thing such as providing divine insight, special time needs to be applied for every person carefully. I’m not going to force the info to come or rush through. You deserve the best. It isn’t entertainment, it’s heaven. Many still don’t look at it that way though. Besides that, look at our world? Look at our society? Look at the generation that is uprising, and how they treat one another? How can anyone of them actually really ever say that they are awake or God like, if our world is an even worse so the state than it ever was, ever before? How can people learn to start getting more interconnected with one another then? That brings us to the “By The Day”.
Firstly, “By The Day” is going to change to “Week By Week. I understand people have other things to do, and some of these posts require a little more time to be spent upon them. So let’s just say instead of for today, for this week… I would like everyone to think about times when they are treating other people in any way unkind or rudely. Or where you may be putting yourself ahead of others. When you realize what you are doing, stop for a minute and look at that person. Imagine if God were living inside of them, how would he be viewing you in that moment? Also if he’s having an experience within everyone, do you think he’d really want to be treated that way? After you make the awareness of this, start trying to treat other people as you would want to be treated… or more so, how you think God would want you to treat them. There is a scripture that does say:
“Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters.Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels”. Hebrews 13:1
In other words, treat other people with the awareness that God is always watching even through the eyes of one another and maybe it is in this kind of awareness that one takes on the attributes of our heavenly Lord, that can start a real awakening.
