Thoughts on hardship, faith, and making a difference

Alura Cein, Spiritual Teacher, Flower Crown, Holidays, Diary,
This site is a diary, who would’ve thought?! LOL

Welcome, dear reader. It’s so good to have you back and thank you so very much for taking interest in me, that you have come to hear my thoughts and wisdom. It’s nice to know that someone cares.

If you’ve ever really thought about the title of this website, you’ll understand what the website is for. It’s called “Spiritually Awkward: The diary of a spiritual fanatic”. That’s right, it’s a diary!

All of my other websites are made for teaching others about spirituality and the heavens. But this one here, was solely for me to express my deepest thoughts and feelings in. I also use it to share different things that I’m working on, or Spiritual experiences that I’ve had. But mainly, it’s a place for me to vent. Everybody needs a friend. For me, I have always had a very isolated life. Besides, the heavens, this diary is the only place that I can truly let out my deepest thoughts. I also think about others and have made it so that anyone needing to, can vent when they go to my messages or emails. Granted the emails have become nothing but commercial spam for some reason… But that hasn’t stopped anyone from being able to send in their thoughts.

I do read them.

But here… It’s my time. And I’m always so very thankful for those that care enough to take the time out to read this. Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I really would like to express my thoughts here considering that I have gone through a lot over the last year and I know that many others have gone through their own trials. I don’t only think about my own path in life. My time here has been spent mainly on worrying about others. My greatest hopes and intentions are to show other people that they are loved and cared about, and that I have answers that they can use from the heavens to better themselves. Anything that seems impossible, we’ll try to work through together. Nevertheless, seeing others who are struggling truly pains my heart. I hope that just by reading my thoughts, I can be an example of how to handle things, and, that it’s OK to feel how you feel.

It still feels pretty good to have a listening ear though doesn’t it? With that, I thank you again for coming by.

Thoughts on time, trials, & random reflections

To start,  it feels like time has gone by so quickly. It was just Halloween, and now it’s the first week of December? November seems almost as if it never even took place! Well, for me anyway. 

December already? Wow. Being the soul that I am, time has always been fast or seemingly nonexistent. Yet, there were times that I could adjust my perception to a 3-D view and experience a little bit of what everyone else did. With that, I can remember moments when I was small, where it seemed like it took forever for Christmas to come. but stepping back into a higher dimensional view, the weeks and months have always gone by fast. Yet adjusting back into the 3-D perspective, at present time, time is going super fast for everybody nowadays.

I’ve always told everyone that time was a man-made illusion that has been changed whenever it was convenient. From the beginning of man’s existence on earth, and throughout the millennia, the calendar has changed many times. Here’s an interesting article to read when you’re done here, if you want to see how man has strived to perfect “measuring” time.

Putting time to the side, I know the secret to perpetual youth. And yes, one could live forever. Immortality is a little more on the “impossible” side because of the way that the world is. But think about perpetual youth? 

Health and youthfulness everlasting?

 It isn’t possible without several things that need to be put into place. The only thing that I can say without revealing the secret is that it’s very difficult for anyone to achieve. Especially in this day and age. Remaining inside of the matrix, and its way of doing things, will make it so that we are all bound by the clock until change brings the possibility. If I had a place where I could bring all of the people that were interested in learning these secrets, they could live there with me and learn how to reach a state of health and youthfulness that would last beyond what they could imagine. That may just be wishful thinking, mixed into my world of flowing mentation.

Now back to the astounding realization that it’s December, already, I reflect back into some of the thoughts that have been cycling through my mind lately. That brings me into a state of concern again. There are so many beautiful things in life to be thankful for, but yet at this time in the world people are experiencing so much difficulty. My heart truly aches for them. People can only see what’s in front of them now. They all hear things in the news, but how many really feel deeply troubled by it? It’s one thing to say: “That’s a shame”, or “I wish things were better for other people ”, but is it really emotion that they’re putting behind those words? Or is it just a thought? I channel people in the world even without wanting or trying to. I can tell you that I feel heartbroken a lot of the time, that’s for sure. Why can’t people care about one another?

For me, I truly feel sympathy, compassion, and remorse for the way that things are. I can’t stand the suffering that people have to endure. I take it personally. The thought of human suffering puts me into utter despair at times where I’ll have a day or two where I just cry because of the things happening in the world. I’ll have to fight really hard in order to pick myself back up after I go through something like that. 

There are so many people throughout time that have been victims of starvation, disease, poverty, homelessness, and so many other terrible things that existence brings in this world. On the other side of things, there are a lot of others that have had blessed lives without worry or struggle. Many people often ask me what really makes it so that there are others who thrive, and others that don’t? Who determines who lives in a state of struggle? 

Many people think that it has to do with God, or a person’s fate. In some cases struggle has a lot to do with a person’s fate, but most of it is caused by mankind. To answer that question once and for all, those who determine who will be poor, or wealthy, are decided by the world powers. There are countries that are deliberately kept in a state of poverty, so that the people have no way to fight for themselves. Those countries are used for experiments, such as biological weapons and viruses. And then organizations rise up, claiming to help, but not all of the money really reaches them. How terribly sad! While others focus on feeding the poor overseas, they forget about the poor that live in their very own town, state or country. 

This is just my mindset.

It goes in a circle and takes me into so many different areas of this subject. It flip-flops back-and-forth between thinking about the needs of others, and what I could possibly do to help myself. How can I find a way to make things okay for everybody, if many won’t listen? How can I find help for myself if I don’t ask? The reason why I am putting this article out here to begin with is because I strongly feel that there are a lot of people who are going through a lot of similar things. Yes, my situation is different, but the worry and thought process could be the same. I want others to know that they are not alone. Just because I have the help of the heavens doesn’t mean that I don’t go through difficulties myself as well.

It’s not always easy for me either, you’re not alone

Yashua of Nazareth had his trials. He didn’t work a job after he began his mission of spreading the wisdom of heaven. He worked as a carpenter for a long time before that, though. He gave it up to preach to people. Back then they didn’t have the Internet, telephones, or television. They only had word of mouth, or written word. To enlighten others as much as he could, he had to travel. He had to live off of the donations of other people hoping that kind people would provide for not only himself, but his followers as well. 

Luckily, there were people that helped provide food and shelter. The New Testament in the Bible speaks of times where he found support. But those were only a few moments of charity that were highlighted in his story. Imagine how many other times when they couldn’t find a place to lay their head or a bite to eat? He spoke of faith and placing trust in the heavens that he and his followers would find what they needed to get by. Yes, let’s not forget that he performed miracles that proved that heaven was by their side. But that doesn’t mean that he didn’t run into times of hardship. He was persecuted after all.

 I have faced my own persecution during these times. As a messenger, I have had great difficulty spreading the word. The Internet may seem as if it provides more of an ability to reach greater numbers, but when you’re being blocked by the system, it makes things just as difficult as it would have been for Yashua, trying to get to other places that perhaps were not welcoming.

I have also had to rely on the money given to me through the services, teachings, and insight that I give. That’s why I’ve always kept prices low. People take advantage of things today, and if I left it open that a person could leave a donation for the service, many people would not have provided any kind of donation at all. And so I have tried to make it fair for everyone, including myself… to survive.

Yet while looking back on all of the hard work that I’ve put out there over the years, including things that I’ve done for free on my own time to benefit others, I found that it may be necessary to work another job as well. Last year, I actually tried that. I went on a job search and found a job serving in a restaurant. My daughter had gotten a job as a waitress sometime before that, and I thought that if she could do it, I could.

In doing so, I made things utterly uncomfortable for myself. I can’t tell you how many times I came home feeling like I was physically dying from something. I thought what a horrible existence. Could you imagine if I never got anywhere with my spiritual teachings? What if the world didn’t accept me? I would have had to feel like this every day of my life, working a regular job? The psychic torture That I would’ve had to have endured. I’m sure glad that everything worked out according to my life’s plan and purpose. I certainly couldn’t continue with it. I’m just not made for conventional society. I can float along with things as much as I can, but I am a non-conformist who has always lived life to the beat of my own drum. Well, that beat is the song of the heavens. That definitely makes it a little hard to go along with, especially in regards to the world today. It’s said to “be no part of this kingdom”.Yet the way that things are done here on earth, makes it very difficult for anyone to separate themselves from it. You’ll always be a part of it in some way, shape or form. Even me.

I wanted to earn more money and have the ability to pay my bills and fix any upcoming household issues. Things were not nearly all that horrible last year, but I could foresee that there would be hardships to come ahead. Sure enough, July 2022 brought its fair share of bad luck. Nevertheless, working in a public restaurant, or any other public place for that matter, totally destroyed me. All of the thoughts that I could pick up on from the people, things in their aura, Vibrations of the environment itself… It was all just too much.

I also have to mention that I also had to balance out my other responsibilities, and my work as a spiritual teacher. I certainly got behind on a lot of things, and I know that there were a lot of people that may have been frustrated with me because of the delays in receiving their services. But what could I do? I had to make things better somehow, someway. Luckily, enough, I have a kind individual who takes care of me with a lot of things. I have always called them “my angel”. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to get by. Especially now that I’m not working a second job. But I’m still left to the same needs.

Inflation is affecting everyone

When it comes to how inflation is effecting me, it’s been challenging. I have two toddlers, two older children, a home that has a lot of bills and repairs needed, and a business that I also have bills to pay for. Food also runs about $600 a week to feed all of those people. I don’t buy anything for myself since I don’t need to eat much. But even if I did eat, I couldn’t afford to buy groceries for myself. My daughter works, but that’s only enough money for her to pay her own bills. My heart breaks every time that I think of the poor families out there that can’t afford groceries. I shake my head in disbelief and my eyes tear up with genuine sympathy. I’m so blessed to have food to feed my family. I’m so blessed! It makes me glad that I don’t have enough for myself. If there are others out there that can’t eat, then while I appreciate the blessings and I’ll use what I have to care for the people that I’m responsible for, I myself will join those who are hungry.

Thinking about this time of year adds a sense of concern. Especially this year. I have enough faith to move mountains, but because there are so many people out there who don’t have enough faith, and they worry. I can feel their worries. Thoughts running through my mind such as:

“I hope everyone out there has enough food to eat, and a nice warm place to stay. I hope that nobody feels alone. I hope everyone is able to financially afford their needs, and that those who can’t, find someone to help”. 

It crosses my mind that now that it’s the holidays, it’s a time that is reserved for cherishing any festive moments that one can have with their family. That makes me think of my whole family. It makes me think of my father. Without him, there’s not much of a family anymore. I am the glue that holds the family together now, but my two oldest children are now growing up and have lives of their own. My mom has withdrawn into the world of her own where she doesn’t interact or do much with any of us. She never really did. At least when my father was alive, she would sit with us and be present. Now that he’s gone, she doesn’t even do that. The thought of my mom makes me think of others who are in a similar place. Why don’t people apple the people that they do have in their lives? Loss is hard, but there are still living people to be thankful for, and to not take that time with them for granted.

I have the two little ones but sometimes it would be nice to look forward to having family to visit or celebrate the holidays with instead of it always being just me and my two little toddlers. How many people have lost a loved one due to Covid, cancer, and how many other dangers or illnesses? So many. They’ll probably feel sad this holiday season. I can relate to them, how it feels to miss someone.

Then I think about how it’s getting cold outside, and I can longer enjoy a nice walk. I think about how the neighborhood is already starting to seem as if it’s empty because there’s no one outside, and that it’ll be this way for a while during the long winter months. That thought leads my mind into the next. 

 I start thinking about the homeless people that are going to be outside and how horrible it must be to have to go through such hardship. I remember when I was younger and didn’t have a place to stay. I had to sleep outside a few times back then. I was in college and didn’t have any money to find a place to stay. Any money that I did make while I was working, wasn’t enough to put a roof over my own head yet. Back then, my parents only had a small apartment, and it seemed that my mother had other plans that provided shelter for someone else rather than her daughter and grandson. It was a very hard time, but luckily it was during the summer and early fall. I never had to endure the cruelty of winter’s cold air. I put myself in the shoes of those who have to live that way, and it pains my heart to imagine that there are good people out there that can’t provide the most important necessity for themselves…a warm and safe place to stay.

My mind drifts into so many different thoughts. And leads me into thinking about how blessed many of us really truly are. But those blessings are not promised to last. Especially today with everything that’s happening in the world around us. Inflation is making even more people find it hard to provide. Many more people have been sent to the streets to live, because of the cost of living. Christmas is coming up and everything is so overpriced. I can imagine how many people out there truly feel a sense of worry during this time.

 No it’s not just me. 

Everyone is thinking about what they are going to do in order to just get by or even make things a little better. Social media has made our children care about things that are superficial and costly. As parents, many of us want to please our beloved children, but I have a feeling many kids are going to feel disappointed this year. Parents have to make it work no matter how difficult the situation is. Children fail to understand the value of money, and all of the tiring hours of hard work that their parents go through in order to earn it. 

My thoughts stay within the same subject, but branch off into different facets of it. 


What would I do for Christmas? What about the surgery that I have coming up? I’ve had to use everything that I have in order to provide necessities, but now Christmas is right around the corner. No doubt time will go just as quickly passed. I truly need a way to figure things through. Since July, I’ve had to help my mother pay for an electricity issue, pay for her washing machine that broke down, put up money to help fix her car since it’s my only means of transportation, and pay for the bills for the household. Doing all of that and having to pay for my own bills, support the kids, and supply food took everything that I had. 

I can only imagine how many other people are going through something similar. Thinking about them, I cried. Talking to my family just the other night, I told them that I couldn’t believe how many people failed to think about all of the individuals out there beyond their own homes. A friend of the family said that people can’t worry about the people beyond their household. They have to worry about their own family. 

That made me cry even more.

Thinking about Christmas led me to think about my kids. Thinking about the kids made me think about when I had them and how fast time has gone by since I had them. When thinking about when Alexander was born, that led me to think about my surgery even more. Beautiful little gift that God gave me didn’t come without difficulty. Since he was born abdominal cavities weakened and my organs underneath protruded. Three issues. Already, I’ve had one surgery to fix them. But the insurance said that it only covered one operation. Anything else, I would have to pay for. Right now, I need the same three areas fixed since the problems have returned. The doctor’s have told me it’s because I need a more intricate surgery in order to put everything back into place. I don’t care much about my appearances but I don’t think anybody would want their stomach looking like mine does. I was really trying hard to save up. $7000 is a lot.

The bump sticking out of my belly is the reason that I needed surgery after Zander was born. It returned and this year and is twice as big, needing a more intricate surgery to fix. I am twice as thin today than in the photo since I had just had the baby a few months before. It shows more now. I sometimes wrap my stomach to hide it.

That made me also think about all of the kind of people that try to look out for me. It made me grateful that I have what I have already. But then I thought about how blessed I truly am. And that made me think about how many people aren’t. Maybe living with the abdominal problems that I have, couldn’t be the worst thing that would ever happen. In the world, people are heartless, and mean, and of all of the individuals that I worry about that I don’t even know, and those that I do, I wish that I had the ability to fix any issues that they have. I’ve had my fair share of heartache and experience with hurtful people.

I never want anyone to hurt. As a heavenly creature, I have always seen that most human beings only look out for themselves, and while they do nice things for others… They always look out for themselves first. I’ve also seen how humans really only love while having conditions. That means that they also help others with conditions as well. I’m not talking about anyone specifically, dear reader. I am just telling you what I have experienced throughout my life when it comes to the world.

But heaven has always tried to prove something to me.

My situation is the way that it is, for them to show me something. Since I was a young girl, I’ve always told the heavens that human beings seemed to be without a true definition of love. That made me think about a person who once asked me why as an angel, I can’t manifest millions of dollars for myself.

It makes me giggle a little bit. 

I needed to giggle, 

I’m tired of the tears. 

Thinking about that question, I wonder how it could be so hard for them to see the truth. Let’s say that even if I could manifest a million, why would I want to do that for myself? Why not manifest a million dollars for some individual out there that needs it more? I may have had hardships and struggles that I have a roof over my head and food for my family to eat. I could manifest anything. And I do. But not for myself. There have been things that I’ve done on a grand scale, but I would never talk about it publicly. I’m sure there have been a lot of people that have had some surprises in their lives throughout time because of that. There have been a lot of people that have gotten even smaller surprises in their lives, and some of them knew that it was me lol. This is just the current cycle of my thought process. I apologize for rambling, but then again it is my own diary, and there should be no need for me to say that I’m sorry. My mind and heart together are truly tumultuous.

Why would a divine creature choose to be wealthy? Wouldn’t that take away from their example of living as a humble person? The heavens did not grant me wealth because they wanted me to be aware of every single time that they have ever helped me. It’s true that in the darkness, the light is more visible, is it not? I would have seen that light, no matter what, but it was truly a miraculous thing to have been able to see all of the times that they rescued me. And no, I’m not talking about things that people could have thought of as just coincidence. 

Just for one simple example… 

This takes my mind back to the time that I mentioned earlier of when I was without a place to stay. My son Noah was one year old. I was always worried about making sure that he had what he needed. I would pray, while walking from location to location, that the heavens could somehow provide for us. I had only just finished saying the prayer and walking just a little further ahead I would look down and find a $20 bill on the ground. 

This didn’t happen once, and it didn’t happen twice. It didn’t even happen just three times. It happened every day, from the time that I started to ask for help in that prayer, up until the time when the situation was resolved. Imagine that! Could that be a coincidence? Perhaps one could say it was a coincidence if it had only been just a few times, but this was daily. There have been so many other things like that from situations that were smaller, the ones that were greatly important. If there was ever anyone in this world, that could say that they were truly blessed, that individual is me.

Coming back to the individual who asked me why I don’t manifest a lot of money for myself, I have a question for them. 

With the help that heaven has provided me with, do I really need $1 million afterall? Why not use the power of the heavens to help others that don’t have as much assistance from the heavens in their everyday situations? It makes a lot of sense doesn’t it? My thoughts could go on and on lol. But to add to this and conclude it, I wonder what people would choose if they were offered $1 million or ongoing help from the heavens throughout life in a situation of need? That is truly something to think about isn’t it? Maybe then people will understand.

With all of the help that heaven has provided me with, they not only help me through sudden miracles… But they help me through other people too. They wanted to prove to me that there are good people out there that actually care. Sure it’s hard for me to imagine since I have seen a lot of ugliness in the world. I have often talked about the compassion that I feel regarding others, including strangers, more than I have heard anyone else exclaim it. It made me wonder if people truly have the ability out there to love one another as they should. 

Before coming here, and throughout my experience on earth, I have always said that human beings seemed to be without the true definition of love and virtue as heaven displays it. Anyone can certainly see that mankind has been responsible for hurting each other throughout time, more than they have helped one another. Even looking at the world today it is obvious that people are becoming even colder and self-serving. 

Yet I believe that, while I am here to teach others how to develop heavenly love, heaven also wanted me to see that while there may not be anyone on earth with the true definition of love as heavenly beings give it, there are kind loving people in the world nonetheless. The heavens have shown me this through the kind things that people have done for me that have really made a difference.

I strive to look for goodness and kindness all around me, and I do see it out there. There are a lot of people that contribute to charities, fight for worthy causes, and those who would lay their life down for a friend if it meant saving them. I have even heard of people that have donated an organ to someone who needed one. I have even heard stories of people that have risked their lives for a stranger. Firefighters do it all the time. There are a lot of beautiful people in the world, and I am so happy to know that, even through my own experiences personally. I truly have had the gift of living on earth to learn this wonderful lesson. Even now, there is a wonderful person in my life that has done more for me than anyone else. Aside from my own father, they have truly taken care of me. That alone proves that there are people in the world that have the ability to learn how to love and care for others, the way that heaven would. 

Love doesn’t just come in the form of helping someone out with financial assistance, and one cannot say that love is just as simple as being a listening ear either. Love falls everywhere in between. “To love” means that you would do anything that you had to do in order to help somebody, in any way that you could offer, according to your means. if the person was in trouble and they were in need of specific things, the person that loves them would fight to find a way to find those things. Love is always putting one’s self aside for the sake of others.

It again circles me back to my earlier thoughts regarding the question of the one individual who asked me why I don’t manifest $1 million for myself. I can’t get over that lol. Even if I did manifest a world of wealth like that, I probably wouldn’t have had it for very long anyhow. I know that I would have given so much of it away to people in need, that none of it would be left.

People talk about winning the lottery all of the time and in hypothetical conversations they go through a list of “what if’s”, regarding what they do with their winnings. I have heard conversations like that and people almost always have included what they would do to help others or at least somebody close to them. I wonder how many people would actually go through with the things on that list if they actually won? I would do a lot of things that would help other people and for myself all I would care about would be to make sure that I was humbly able to live safely and comfortably. But then again, that wouldn’t be for myself. I could live through any given situation, no matter how bad the circumstances. I would want the safety and comfortability for my loved ones. My intentions are always focused on others.

With any winnings, I would have given a proportion to someone who was in more need than me, that I would still have enough left to help more than one person. That’s because through all of the wonderful things that heaven has done for me in my life (just like the $20 that I found everyday on the ground when I was without, the insight and healing that they’ve done through me for others, and for all of the bigger things that they’ve helped me with) I would want to give another human being that feeling of finding a miracle. There have been a lot of people in my life already who have all told me that I worry far too much about other people, rather than myself. Those closest to me, feel as though I have really hurt myself in doing so. I wonder if anyone knows what it’s like to truly give to others until you have nothing left yourself?

I know that you must already be getting tired of hearing my rambling right now. But where else am I supposed to vent out my thoughts? Heaven already knows everything that I’m thinking and feeling. Sometimes it’s nice to have human ears that can hear you out. It seems that no matter how many people I talk to about what I’m thinking and feeling, it doesn’t seem to hit them deep in their core. 

Being so virtuous and compassionate, sometimes I feel utterly alone in this world. If you’re reading from any of my websites, especially this diary, then you are one of the deeper people out there. I know that you must feel the same way sometimes. There aren’t many who dwell on things like this. 

Do you? 

Do your thoughts sometimes circle around the way that mine do? 

Do you have thoughts of the world and of what you wish you could change in it? 

The world is full of useless distractions. It seems that the leaders know exactly what they’re doing when they allow certain things on social media. They say that this generation is “woke”. But all that I see, is the fulfillment of many of the prophecies that I predicted, coming true. If you’re a student of mine, then you should already know that all that is happening today really only applies in terms of an agenda that is being greatly promoted. I have been talking about the corruption that is behind the face front of many different things for the longest time now. In fact, when I started to reveal things like that and more, I was considered to be a conspiracy theorist. I was censored from being able to freely express myself in regards to what I knew. Now I hear of many people talking about the very same things and it truly hurts my heart. It hurt me because nobody wanted to listen when I spoke out. But what hurts me most of all is that they are still missing the bigger picture.

Anyone can claim to be awake these days. Just because people can see that the government is corrupt doesn’t mean that they are awake. Being awake means that you’re not only seeing the problem, but that you are changing so that you can be a part of the greater change. Yet so many people are boosting their own egos and act as if nobody has ever said any of this before. There is something so much deeper than what most people see, and I can tell you that many of them are playing into the agenda even still. I have so much that I want to teach people, but sometimes my thoughts take me deep into my mind and I wonder whether it’s even worth it to try anymore. Everyone deserves the truth, but when the truth requires change… many will turn the other cheek.

Right now, all that I want is for the world to change. I want everyone everywhere in a matter who they are, to be OK. The heavens have foretold of so much more to come. All that I want is to know that there are still good people out there that are truly seeking spiritual enlightenment, and who desire real change within themselves. It is easier for so many out there to join the flock and go along with what everyone else is doing. It’s easier to give into urges for self indulgences. Everyone is sad and struggling, and looking for anything that can take away the stress, and for many…their pain. 

I know pain.

I experience everyone else’s on top of my own. It is a great burden to live with, being who I am.

For now, I can’t change the entire world. Miracles for a lot of people are slim to none. Or at least that’s what they think. So many people really are blessed. They simply fail to see it. If others could see more help. I am grateful with all that I am that the heavens have walked through many difficult times in my life. Most of all, I’m blessed that they’ve given me the ability to help other people. That alone is my true meaning to life. In the meantime, I have faith that my heavenly family will help me with the things that I need assistance with. They’ve never left me without help before.

The most important lesson that I want others to gain from this diary entry here is that even if I don’t receive the help somehow, I’m still more than grateful for everything that heaven has done for me throughout my life, and to be disappointed would be truly a sign of ingratitude. Faith can move mountains. Even just recently, I’ve had a great sign of hope that I may be able to get the surgery done. In my previous entry on this site I spoke of how Heaven always helps through the people here in this world that are open to doing the works of the angels. I was speaking in regards to others who are open to seeing signs that the heavens want them to help through feeling moved to do something when they hear that someone else is in need. That’s not just in reference to myself, but even for other people. I know of a few people even in my spiritual circle that have been there for other group members too. I had a very nice person come along a month ago who read my blog and mentioned that they would do the best that they could to try to raise some money and donate it to help me out. I’ve had another person who also bought many readings to help me. It’s nice that they purchased services, and that way it’s an even exchange. And so I do have hope that at least that’ll be one thing less that I’ll have to worry about, if everything works out the way that it should. But things happen, and I know that the matrix always tries to make things difficult for me, especially where heaven tries to make it easier.

They won’t provide me any insight on the outcome because I believe they want me to continue to be an example, that whatever they decide either way, I will be OK with.

Hopefully this will teach others to accept the decisions of heaven in their own situations, whether they work out or not for them. It’s also a lesson to believe in miracles and that they will always be there for those that truly have faith. Even if a person doesn’t have the result that they’re looking for in their situation, it doesn’t mean that the heavens aren’t there for them. I hope that everyone will always look for the miracles in their own lives, great and small.

As for now, my thoughts continue to whirl around in concern for everybody these days. As I try to find ways to improve my own situation, I am always looking to do what I can to help others. Through all of my love and concern that I have felt especially recently for the people in the world, I’m not standing by and doing nothing. I am one of those individuals that heaven does their work through, and I’ve been raising canned goods, blankets and coats for the homeless. I do it every year.

If you have anything that you can send in regards to canned goods, blankets, used clothing, or coats that you don’t need, feel free to send it my way, and I will gather it together before the holidays to take it where I know people need it most. You don’t have to. Only if you have anything that you don’t need, or can I encourage you to take to a shelter in your own area? I don’t post as much about doing charity since I don’t look for praise. I hope this reminded anyone out there who may have forgotten to give, to donate somehow. I know what it’s like to have a lot going on that things can slip one’s mind. But one blanket, one meal, $1, anything small means something big to someone in need.

If your thoughts are like mine, pondering over the conditions of the world end of your own life… Just know that you’re not alone. I’m so grateful that you have such an open mind and heart that you care and that you are doing whatever it is that you’re doing, to be a better change, you’re in this world. Even if that just means that you’re helping yourself to change. I send you my love.

For future reference, I’ll add diary-like entries more often. I suppose that everyone knew that I was posting about my life and thoughts, and that this was like a spiritual journal of sorts. This site gives you a view into my mind, heart, soul, and my daily life. Everyone gives me the honor and privilege of allowing me into their personal and private lives, as well as their soul. Why shouldn’t I give them the same respect in return?


By the Day: September 15, 2020

Firstly, forgive me for my post of the elderly man who passed out back of my house. My post had no malice in it, but was to show of miracles. Being right there when it happened, the police announced aloud do you want another that he had passed on while driving this vehicle and that they were trying to resuscitate him. However I thought it was amazing that it happened right in my backyard on most, if being that we are very loving and thought immediately to send healing and prayers. The man did end up living which I didn’t get to continue on and telling the story, since the post had offended some. Nevertheless, God does work in mysterious ways and having led him here, he had a family that prayed hopefully for him. Who knows? Had it been any other place, maybe there would not have been? Plus, the fact that it was here at a healer’s house too. It was almost like his vehicle just came to a stop right here at my home. I thought it was a wonderful thing that God to make sure that he was brought to a good place in order to survive. I thought to make it a conversation piece about miracles, but the post didn’t go very far due to comments that people made before knowing anything further about the story, or for those that took it the wrong way. I saw it as ignorance and judgemental. I never jump on top of people whether I agree or disagree with something. Besides, those who know me…. knew my intention was good.

I still apologize if it came off as brash to anyone. I should have left his face out of the picture.  I would have loved to had continued on with talking about it in the comments but it seems that people don’t give things a chance and like to jump down peoples throats before they know anything else. For now on, I’ll have to tell the entire story all in one giant sum, without giving people ability to ask questions about things in order to engage with them. I just want to thank the police for the exceptional job that they did fighting for his life, and God for allowing the man to live on. He was taken to the nearest hospital after they found a pulse on him. I was only a few feet away so I was able to hear everything as they did bring him to the edge of my yard. A new beginning for him I hope! Speaking of growth and new beginnings….

Today we think of growth. It’s a new moon after all with lots of magic going on tonight. I know that I’ll be enjoying it with my ritual circle!

Growth is all around us in the cycles of life. We are all one body here on this planet. But in that one body, there exists cells that carry disease. That disease would equal to being the people that are full of corruption. If you can imagine on a greater level, the protests, wars, and acts of violence that are all happening right now, would look like a little tiny dots of illness within a great bloodstream. It’s like cancer and how it appears on testing. Like little tiny black dots dancing across the person’s inner universe. It’s the same here for earth. How did it even come to be this way? I guess that it doesn’t really matter so much now. What matters is, trying to make it better. Just like cancer though, there doesn’t seem to be much of a cure for the corruption and evils that exist here within people on the earth.

The only thing that we can try to do is multiply the good cells! In other words, we can try to inspire other people to be better. The more and more who change for the better, the more and more who are inspired…. Even those who are corrupt may have a chance to become good. We need to override the ignorance and ugliness.. If we are all one body though, then how can one body come to turn on itself? How can all of the “cells” that are meant to help the body run, come to wage war against one another? Would that not tear the body apart?

That’s exactly what’s happening because if you look at the earth today, we have huge holes in the magnetosphere and in the ozone. There are natural disasters happening everywhere at a great magnitude, just as if the earth is screaming for help. And when the earth’s vibration gets negative and is brought down, then the lifeforms living on it will do the same! Even though they’re vibration happened to be the one that started it all to begin with. It just drives the consciousness down further and further. In the Bible there’s a scripture that says:

“Is it not written in your laws that I have said you are gods?” John 10:34

It’s mentioned again at Psalm 82:6…

“I have said: You are gods; you are all sons of the most high. But you will die like mere mortals. You will fall like every other leader.”

The heavens are referring to the gods who once walked the Earth and their offspring. And yes they did fall, as they do time and time again, it being that they pass on and reincarnate over and over in cycles. Up, down, day, night, above, below, to fall, and to rise… It is all the same thing metaphorically. However, mankind in their own right believe themselves to be gods since they rebelled against the heavens and took the earth for their own. Their empires built for the offspring of the gods whom are still here, are vast and glorious.. but yet like it says “they do not live forever”. Even king Solomon himself said that it is striving after the wind that a man build some thing only to pass on and leave it behind for somebody else. However, I have heard many people reference men to being a God, even especially in the science world. I have even seen it referenced in spiritual quotes like the one below.

However, if so many people have recently awakened, then as God wouldn’t they see the terrible situation that our earth is in? But how many people were so ready to flock to the protests? Even though some of those protests were peaceful, many of them were just excuses for people to act out violently. Even for those that spoke about the “black lives matter” movement, there were many in the African-American communities who were hurting others of their very own ethnicity? So really it was all just a bunch of hypocrisy and unnecessary destruction. If many people were truly awake and became godlike, then why would there not be more conscious awareness of things? How many people say that they are awake but yet are so truly unaware that they still litter and throw trash on the ground? How many say that they are awake, and still speak vulgarly to other people or engage in confrontations? How many of them really are just saying that, as a way to glorify themselves? Probably a majority. And that’s because the truly awake person would not act in any of those ways. No, man is not God, but there is a little essence of God in all here. That is where the light that lives within all living things, comes from anyhow. Still, there would be so many changes to the world had anyone had the ability to purely access that light for what it’s truly meant to be accessible for. I mean think about it? Many just want it for vanity. Most people just want to be able to have a spiritual gift or ability, which is why they pursue becoming awake to begin with. Many just want to be viewed as as being superior. If a lot of people like that would just look deep down inside their hearts and be honest with themselves, they would see that that’s the truth. How many can really face the truth? Which is also another sign that they have not fully reached awakening. Anyone awake could face the ugliest part of themselves head on, come to terms with it, understand it, and then change it. They would not run from it or push it far deep away. That is because a God or someone awake, is someone that acknowledges all truth, good and bad for the higher divine purpose in it.

Also they would recognize that everyone is a part of God here. Therefore, they would treat one another with the upmost love and respect. Obviously if we are all brought here under the same light, then we connect not only into the consciousness of this matrix, but also from the matrix realities we all come from individually. And don’t forget about the one, that we have all come from at some point in the very beginning and it’s essence of it. Even in celestial lineage.

They would see everything and everyone around them as being a part of that one, no matter how distant or close. It doesn’t matter what reality a soul comes from, everyone of them has a connection in the greater web of consciousness that is the universe. Therefore, there is an all seeing eye above, the all seeing eye here. Everyone is having just another adventure for their higher self who connects together with someone else’s, then someone else’s, and then someone else’s. In the end, we are all a projection of the great “One”. People who are awake know that, because when you are awake, you can start to see where other people come from… a great deal… because they start feeling interconnected. No one would think to be rude, or hurtful to their own self standing before them and another form would they? Even for those that say that they are awakening or have reached a full state of being awake, they still have many of the earthly like traits such as impatience, anger, frustration, jealousy, envy, contentious, hateful, And they don’t have any regard for anything truly sacred. Even when it comes to waiting for my angelic readings, many people like to rush me. Hey look I get it, if it has been over 2 to 3 weeks, that’s kind of pushing it a bit on my end, but what if there’s some reason as to why it hasn’t come just yet? What if there’s something going on with me? Or perhaps your spirit guides think it isn’t quite time yet? Or maybe the schedule is just overbooked? With some thing such as providing divine insight, special time needs to be applied for every person carefully. I’m not going to force the info to come or rush through. You deserve the best. It isn’t entertainment, it’s heaven. Many still don’t look at it that way though. Besides that, look at our world? Look at our society? Look at the generation that is uprising, and how they treat one another? How can anyone of them actually really ever say that they are awake or God like, if our world is an even worse so the state than it ever was, ever before? How can people learn to start getting more interconnected with one another then? That brings us to the “By The Day”.

Firstly, “By The Day” is going to change to “Week By Week. I understand people have other things to do, and some of these posts require a little more time to be spent upon them. So let’s just say instead of for today, for this week… I would like everyone to think about times when they are treating other people in any way unkind or rudely. Or where you may be putting yourself ahead of others. When you realize what you are doing, stop for a minute and look at that person. Imagine if God were living inside of them, how would he be viewing you in that moment? Also if he’s having an experience within everyone, do you think he’d really want to be treated that way? After you make the awareness of this, start trying to treat other people as you would want to be treated… or more so, how you think God would want you to treat them. There is a scripture that does say:

“Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels”. Hebrews 13:1

In other words, treat other people with the awareness that God is always watching even through the eyes of one another and maybe it is in this kind of awareness that one takes on the attributes of our heavenly Lord, that can start a real awakening.

Hint: What is God, for you? Start there!