Growing up, the Christmas holiday season was always my second favorite time of year, right after the autumn equinox.
It brought so much joy into my life, even though my father wasn’t a wealthy man. My mother wasn’t particularly enthusiastic about the holidays. She didn’t spend much time playing with me in general and preferred to sit and watch soap operas all day, often claiming most of my father’s attention. And that’s okay; life is what it is.
But when Halloween or Christmas rolled around, things felt a little more special because of the deep spiritual essence of these seasons. I appreciated how profound they truly were, beyond the commercial hype, and that made me cherish this time of year even more.
In autumn, I could sense the shift in the Earth’s energy, the changing globe beneath my feet. I’d spend hours outside after school, breathing in the crisp air, grounding myself in the seasonal transition, jumping into massive leaf piles that the neighbors collaboratively raked along the street, and praying under the vast blue sky in my yard. I would give gifts to God made of things that I found like nuts or different grasses, and climb up in the tallest tree to get closer to heaven. My dad always made Halloween spectacular, even if he didn’t dress up often; but when he did, his costumes were among the best.
Christmas struck a different chord for me, literally. The winter solstice I knew, was a darker, more introspective celebration, and with my birthday just three days after Christmas, the season often carried a gloomy undertone. My mother didn’t decorate the house or cook elaborate meals. She got the artificial tree out which, was haphazardly assembled, with bent limbs left unfixed. There was no eggnog, no cookie baking, and my birthday gift doubled as my Christmas present.
Meanwhile, I watched my father’s hard-earned money go toward expensive gifts for her on her birthday or during the holidays. Still, I was always grateful, and my dad did his best to include me.
As I grew older, I knew why my mother didn’t share in the joyful activities with me like other mothers did with their daughters. I read her past, her soul, many times.
I had over 100 dolls, many from flea markets, with a new one added each Christmas until I outgrew the collection. I’d pretend to be a mom, imagining all the wonderful things I’d do with my own children someday. I harbored no resentment. I understood on a deep, psychic, and spiritual level why mom, was the way she was.
People who have been hurt, often hurt others as well. It’s a cycle. I never held it against her, but I did miss out on so much. I promised myself that I’d honor the deeper spiritual meanings of these celebrations, making them about more than just gifts or rituals.
The Lord had taught me about the angelic year, its cycles, and the “dead zone” in winter observances, even before this lifetime. So, as a young girl, I vowed to grow up and celebrate authentically: giving to those in need, offering sentimental rather than lavish gifts to loved ones.
No matter how hard I tried, responses from others weren’t always consistent. I’d send cards to everyone I knew, but after a year or two, they’d stop reciprocating. Still, I’d persist.
Before my business officially took off in 2013, money was tight, and I’d rely on Toys for Tots for my kids, Amber and Noah, until my spiritual mission as a teacher started succeeding. My dad did the same for me sometimes when I was a kid and things were tight. You can’t imagine my pride in finally providing for them in ways I couldn’t before. Then came Adree; things were improving, and with my dad still around, I was thrilled to do more for all the kids, even my new little girl, than I’d ever thought possible.
Back when funds were low, I’d still bake cookies and celebrate the sacred spirituality in Earth’s duality of winter. Finally, after my father passed, I had Alex, plus mounting bills. I was blessed with miraculous help, but as my business slowed, that support stretched thinner, covering living expenses for our growing family.
That’s life. We adapt.
When you can’t do as much, you get creative to keep things fun and bright, whether grieving a loss, facing financial strain, or feeling alone. Remember, the holidays are about your connection to heaven and spirit, personal growth cycles, gratitude amid challenges, and the lessons of this earthly experience.
Even though this Christmas is a little tough, Amber and I decided to go all out with the Elf on the Shelf to bring cheer and anticipation for the kids. We played around with this last year, but this year, we’ve brainstormed some fantastic ideas.
We take turns each day setting up new scenarios, and the kids rush home from school excited to discover what the elves are up to. I feel lucky, too. My father always wanted to take me to see The Nutcracker as a child, hoping I’d become a ballerina, since he loved the arts. After he passed, I started the tradition in his memory, but the kids were too young before. My older ones weren’t as interested. This year, a student gifted us tickets to a local show with Nutcracker elements, and I was also able to snag family seats for the full ballet back in June when they were just $20 each. I was still trying to make ends meet helping my mom then, but I set the money aside, knowing the flyers come out around that time.
So, we’ll enjoy that magical experience, plus the gifted show, alongside our Elf antics. It’s making this year truly bright.
We’ve been lighting candles daily in honor of spirit, ancestors, the Earth, and those in need. I’ve been donating time at the soup kitchen, grateful for all the Lord has provided. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I usually volunteer at the animal shelter in summer, but I like rotating my charitable efforts to help a bit of everything and everyone. Seeing people’s faces light up over a warm meal has been incredibly rewarding. It’s hectic doing it between work, my second part time job, and my responsibilities but it sure makes my heart glow!
I also stopped celebrating my birthday on December 28th, years ago, shifting it to a more sacred date tied to a profound spiritual moment in my celestial journey. It also eases the gift burden on family and friends. This year, I insisted on no presents for me; I meant it, as I do every year, though they usually ignore me.
Instead, I asked for cards with a promise: that no matter how hard things get, they’ll stand by my side. And if possible, to do something nice for someone else, a donation or helping hand. I was touched that my little ones said they were more worried about me than asking Santa for much, though I managed to get them some things.
I’m sharing this to remind everyone that life and holidays transcend commercialism. These seasons can sometimes bring people down, but understanding their true roots reveals deeper, positive meanings year after year. For me, it’s cherishing priceless moments with my kids, collaborating creatively with my oldest daughter, witnessing their genuine love by honoring my no-gift request and promises of support, and helping others.
Sure, winter, whether Saturnalia, Yule, or Christmas, has its duality. Amid the optimism and blessings, I can’t deny moments of sadness missing my dad in his previous physical form or worrying about finances like any mother. But life is so much more than the material. These memories are the greatest gifts, ones I’ll carry forever. And my dad finally gets to see the Nutcracker in his new form 😉. God is good.
I thank God for them daily. I hope this inspires you to seek out those little moments, too.
Here are some of the Elf on the Shelf ideas Amber and I came up with:
The first scenario had our elves, one boy and one girl, taking off in the kids’ Barbie cars with Adree and Alex’s Barbies.
Next, Amber created a zip line where the boy elf, Sparky, rescued our female elf, Elvie, from getting stuck in a Christmas stocking.
Another day, Amber fashioned a parachute for the elves and had them draw beards on the kids’ pictures.
One of my ideas was having the girl elf attempt a ride on the ceiling fan, with little treats scattered as hints for the kids to follow when they get home from school, leading them to the elves’ hiding spot.
It’s so much fun. I see so many people making a big deal out of these types of things on TikTok, repetitively, posting, just for views. And so I wanted to share it for those who value my work and like to read my thoughts or what I have to say, here in a more intimate place at my online diary platform.
I think the biggest thing that I hope for by sharing my life publicly at all, isn’t to gain sympathy, and it certainly isn’t to gain fame. We all know that’s never going to happen😂. But what I hope to gain from it is that I can inspire other people to see the beauty, even in the ugliest times of life. I hope that people can see that God is there for them, even when it seems that he’s not. He’s there, in the love that you find around you, or even if you don’t receive it, he’s found in the love that you give. I hope people can come to realize that while they waste time worrying about every little thing excessively, that they miss out on the time that they could have had with people that matter. Not everything has to be what the world makes it into, you can create your own reality.
Nonetheless, I hope that this story made a few people laugh. And if not, I hope that it inspired someone to get out there and do something nice for other people or someone. It takes your mind off of what’s happening in your own life, and it certainly shows you that it may not be as bad as some other people have it, and that you have the ability to make someone’s situation better. Isn’t that the cycle of life? It should also bring a great realization that this world has really taken the true meaning out of so many things, and what they’ve turned things into has literally beaten people down into the ground as slaves. Value the people in your life, and do as much good as you can. And if you have the ability to bless others, do so. It’s the people that matter the most because they are what carry the weight of God within them, no material man-made created thing holds such value. Don’t waste time, allowing the world to push you down to where you stop feeling like you care about the things you used to, and can’t seem to find joy anymore. Don’t look back on the things that you didn’t have with anger or resentment, but with love and understanding, and change the cycles that you saw and didn’t like, through your own actions. That’s one way you break through the duality.
I hope everybody has a wonderful holiday season. 
I had intended to include this in a private message to someone that I felt needed to hear it. However, upon writing it, the Lord advised that I should make it a public letter because there are actually many people in need of hearing these very same words. Therefore, here we are.
As you know, I tend to write on this blog, almost as if it’s my public journal. Many of you know many deep and intimate things about me in my life as I’ve been extremely open and transparent to everyone. However, I don’t think that I’ve touched base on my soul contract change much, other than just mentioning that I had changed it. So, I would like to talk about that for a minute. I would have done a video, but I’m working on another topic right now and thought sometimes I’m a little better at expressing things when I write my words out anyhow.
Learning In Life
First, I want to share that I’ll be creating some videos soon where I’ll talk openly about some of the struggles I’ve faced in my life. I feel it’s the right time to do so because I know many of you might have gone through similar experiences. It’s important to embrace all parts of ourselves, especially as we work toward Awakening and preparing ourselves for heaven. Through experience, we gain wisdom—especially if we’ve learned from those experiences. If we don’t learn from our mistakes or lessons, then that’s truly folly.
In some cases, people simply lack guidance and don’t get it the first few times around. And that’s okay, too. Sometimes, individuals take the path of severity on the tree of life, but ultimately, it all depends on where you’re at in your journey. The Lord Himself says that when you’re working on things in your final lifetime—your last opportunity to evolve and ascend—you must work through your karma and fulfill your purpose. Otherwise, the whole journey might seem meaningless.
Yet, even in those moments, it’s still your story—your experience of living, loving, laughing, crying, and even losing. Whether negative or positive, it’s still beautiful and meaningful. But, when it comes to ascending to heaven, we must truly work toward perfecting ourselves. All saints in heaven are perfect—there’s no doubt about that. Anyone claiming otherwise is not being truthful. These beings are high vibrational, filled with divine wisdom because they’ve transcended imperfections and grown through their journey. Their wisdom now guides others throughout the universe.
It’s true that there are many realities and lessons to explore, and while I don’t see Earth as my enemy, I must say it’s probably one of the harshest places. As I mentioned in a previous video, Earth is like a planet that contains all the deadly sins—making it incredibly difficult for souls to transcend lessons here. Many go through lifetime after lifetime, stuck in repetitive patterns, repeating the same mistakes without truly learning. Even when they do learn, selfishness often still rules, and people continue to make the same errors because they want to.
There are those who say they didn’t really want to continue in this way, but if someone knows better and still chooses to act otherwise, then they’re doing what they want—plain and simple. The Lord isn’t judging to condemn; He’s judging to see who’s worthy of ascending. Will the person stay trapped in the 3D world, or will they choose to move upward into higher realms of learning and growth?
As I’ve often taught before, it’s like progressing through school. You start in kindergarten; nobody skips straight to third grade. You need to master each level before moving on. Sure, some people can jump grades, but only if they put in the effort and truly learn what’s necessary at each stage. How can anyone put in that effort on Earth when they’re born without memories of their past lessons? It’s a very tough place to be, and believe me, the rulers of Earth make it that way. That’s why messengers and teachers have always come to light the way for those meant to leave this place.
That doesn’t make anyone better than others—it simply means they’ve transcended the lessons of this particular space. And that’s truly wonderful, because who would want to stay here, right? Which brings me to my next point: staying here.
My Way Out?
Back when I was quite active in my line of work, I shared a deeply personal piece of information with many of my followers—about my eventual departure from Earth. I had spoken openly about the possibility of leaving around the age of 33. I know it’s hard for some to believe, but I don’t need a major accident or catastrophe to leave this Earth when the time comes. The Lord will prepare the way, and that will be it. How He chooses to do so—whether through illness, a car accident, or otherwise—is entirely up to Him. Who can truly decide their own moment of death? I think most would prefer to transition peacefully in their sleep, and I could ask for that blessing, but I also recognize that it might be selfish to do so.
There are so many people who face horrific ways of dying, and I’ve always been mindful of that. Just as I’ve shared with many of you about the trials I face, I’ve also been blessed with countless miracles in my life. But honestly, I’m no different from anyone else. Just because I’m a messenger of the Lord doesn’t mean I’m treated differently or that I don’t face challenges. I have to go through struggles just like everyone else—otherwise, it would be unfair, a sign of favoritism.
Trust me, the Lord blesses me abundantly. When I’m struggling, He finds ways to help. When something goes wrong, He steps in to fix it. And when I can’t do something for myself, others come to my aid. I plan to share many of these miracles in the upcoming videos about my life. But for now, just know that I could have chosen a different path—one that might have been easier or more comfortable—but I didn’t want to be treated any differently. I wanted to walk this earth like anyone else, without selfishness, understanding that many people suffer every day. Why would I want to be made special above others?
The same philosophy applies to my death. Whatever way the Lord wishes for me to leave this life, I will accept it. I won’t make selfish requests about how it happens—I only ask that He be with me afterward. That’s what faith in the Lord is about: carrying your cross, just as Jesus did. Many don’t realize that carrying the cross didn’t just mean accepting death; it also symbolized bearing the burdens of life itself. The cross represents the four directions of this world—north, south, east, and west—and life’s challenges come from all angles. Whether you walk north or south, east or west, you’re here to face those burdens.
If Yeshua/Jesus had to carry his cross and face tribulations, so must we. I’ve worked hard to clear my karmic debts, to learn all the lessons I came to Earth to master, and to fulfill my Earthly and Akashic purposes. These purposes are crucial because they demonstrate that I’ve accomplished what I set out to do here. For me, I didn’t have a choice—because I was sent here as a messenger. I could have run away, hidden, or ignored my calling, but I didn’t. That’s what brings me to my next point.
Fulfilling My Purposes
I am here to make life easier for others. My purpose has always been to provide insights, to prepare everyone for the future, and to ensure that those the Lord intended received knowledge—encouraging them to do their best to improve themselves, find some measure of happiness in this lifetime, and view life with eyes wide open. I believe I’ve done a good job in fulfilling that mission. So, when I was told I would leave around the age of 33, I didn’t mind so much.
However, having faced many hardships in my life, I never truly had the chance to experience the simple joy of being a mother. I’ve had two children before, but my parents lived with me, and as you know, even as a messenger and someone wise, parents are parents. For me, it was a little different with mine because they always treated me as a little innocent angel that they were extremely overprotective with. They help me with my sensitivities, even when it came to school, and I always guided me and my gifts. But because they were always protecting me and sheltering me because of my abilities, I guess that made them feel like they had a right to dominate my life at times. I appreciate their help. I do. But I longed for the opportunity to raise children whom I could teach entirely on my own terms—by my own rules and influence. I wanted to walk a different spiritual path with them, one that I could shape based on my own understanding and experience.
I taught my older children well, but I’ve learned that each person learns differently. Through my own journey, I’ve discovered better ways to awaken and nurture a child early on—methods I couldn’t fully implement when I was younger, with my first two children. So, I wished for a chance to fully embrace motherhood, to raise two more souls who would be awakened, virtuous, and saintly—a legacy of my love and teachings that they could leave behind in this world. And at the time, I was doing pretty well with my work that I thought finally after all of the challenges that I face in life, this was the most perfect time in my life that I could expand my family, and that I’d have the financial resources to do it. Lord had mentioned struggle in the future, but by that time I had hoped to get a lot done in my life to where I’d be situated. Instead, I placed so much focus on helping other people that I hadn’t put so much time into helping myself. Luckily I’ve had good people around me though. 
Nonetheless, I went to the Lord about this, he told me that I had truly suffered a great deal in my life, and that in my earlier experiences or lifetime on earth, previously, I hadn’t really gotten a chance to experience what I truly desired to experience on earth, which was finding true love. It didn’t matter to me how I found it. Maybe just motherhood itself was enough to understand what true love was really about. And believe me, I can truly say today, that it is. There’s nothing more beautiful on earth or anywhere really, than love that is shared between a mother and her children who really do love one another. I always looked to find that kind of love in other people. It’s the kind of love that heaven has for each other, it’s the kind of love that heaven feels for all humanity. Coming to earth, it was my greatest longing to find that type of love here.
But experience after experience, I discovered that it really didn’t exist here. You can imagine love and romance all you want, you can imagine falling in love with your twin flame or some soulmate that enters your life like some fairy tale. And perhaps for some, that can be a reality. But for me, I found true love through being a mother. And I just hadn’t felt that I had experienced enough of that. Yet, the Lord had taught me that motherhood isn’t just about bringing children into the world. It’s about who you leave an impact on as well. Just like soul parents up in heaven play a significant role in guiding your journey, any spiritual guide that has taken responsibility for you and walked you through your life is sort of like a parent.
Therefore, he made it a valid point that true love did exist. It existed through me and the love that I felt for every single person that I had helped. Everybody I cared for, guided in their life, and helped them to make better choices through my insights. But they were all abroad and far away. Even though doing the readings and healings often made them feel like they were right here with me, I just wanted to feel that love and nurturing again—if not with a partner, than by being able to raise new children. That was the only thing I really wanted for myself out of this entire planetary experience, was to find true love in humanity here. That, and being able to help people find God and love themselves.
Expanding My Soul Contract
And so I asked the Lord if I could have a little more time. I asked him if I could be a parent and enjoy my time on earth—nurturing and caring for others, not just new children that I would go on to create, but also through the people they had come to bond with through my work and love. He told me that he didn’t mind if I extended my spiritual contract for more time, but that everything is an even exchange. Being a messenger, I would have to offer him something in return.
I wasn’t even able to have children, to be honest with you, and I didn’t really have anybody to have the children with, even though they came through very upsetting circumstances that I have yet to even talk about or reveal. Perhaps someday.
Still, all things happen the way that they do, good or bad, for a reason. And the kids have been greatest joy aside of the cruelties that I’ve faced.
In that, he told me I could say that I could continue my journey in searching for true love through motherhood, and the love experienced through the lives I’ve touched, if I would in return provide detailed prophetic messages to the world—messages to prepare people for the world changes that we’re about to experience.
At the time, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, so I agreed. I had already had many visions as a girl, and the future. I already had an idea of what the future was going to end up like.
Seeing now how heavy the messages are, the visions I have to live with, the emotions and impact they make, I see just how much it costs. But that’s okay. I’m super humbled and thankful that the Lord allowed me the opportunity to provide His messages to his people. In exchange for that, I’ve been granted a little more time on earth, a few new loved ones to add to my family, and a continued connection with those I have come to love, meeting them in this spiritual journey.
Back when I was first told that my time here would at the age of 33, going on 34, I didn’t feel I had much left anyhow. I was told my father would pass October 4, 2019, and my older children were growing up quickly, nearing adulthood. My parents were aging, and I knew Dad would pass away soon after I was supposed to leave anyhow. I also hadn’t found love through a partner. Although, I did find companionship in a few friends. In my mind, I accepted not continuing the journey into old age.
Perhaps the Lord was right in His judgment—taking me at 33. That way, my older children would be old enough to stand on their own, I wouldn’t have to witness the loss of my father, and I would have fulfilled my role in guiding those whom the Lord had brought into my life, leaving behind teachings that many could benefit from.
But I decided to change my soul’s contract to live longer anyway. Before, I felt leaving my teachings behind and departing before the chaos in the world intensified was a purpose well accomplished. However, the Lord had made a deal with me: and I could stay longer if I chose, which I did, to have another chance to be a mother and raise some beautiful Saintly souls.
In return, I agreed to carry the weight of relaying the herald’s predictions starting in 2019. You might remember I’ve shared some predictions before, but none on the scale as the angelic messages that began in 2019, before the pandemic and the upheaval we see today.
This extra time I chose, came with a heavy responsibility. I promised the Lord that I would deliver His messages through the Saints to help people be more prepared and insightful about what’s happening around them, and I’m doing it. Believe me, it’s a profound burden to bear.
Why Share Now?
I haven’t shared this with anyone else until now, but I felt it was important to do so.
Why? Because there is a deeper purpose to it all. It’s not just about me. It’s also about you. All of you.
I don’t believe most people realize how important they truly are until someone takes the time to tell them. So, I want to tell you something reader: you have helped me in accomplishing my goals of discovering love on this planet, and helping people find God. The truth is, I haven’t known many truly good people in my journey. Over the years, I’ve encountered con artists, those who have been abusive or manipulative, liers, bullies, and individuals who have taken me for granted. I see evil people a lot in the world in general. Many people I’ve met have prioritized their own needs over others, out of self-interest or selfishness.
When I first stepped into this line of work many years ago, I was afraid. I feared I would face ridicule, or worse, treatment far harsher than what I experienced in my daily life—though not online, but in the physical world. Despite my fears, I courageously opened my heart accepting the purpose I was sent here to do, sharing my beliefs and the lessons I’ve received from the Lord personally. I expected backlash, but surprisingly, I haven’t faced many trials from others. Instead, the Lord has brought wonderful people into my life—people like you—who have touched my heart in ways words can’t fully express.
Even though we don’t speak every day, I think of you often. The healing work I do for you is deeply personal—an act of love and light—and I find myself emotionally and spiritually connected to you, as if you were a cherished family member living right beside me. Because of your presence in my journey, I look forward to each time you come by. I can feel you.
Knowing that you are kind-hearted and striving to be a better person in a world that can often feel cold and harsh has truly lit up my life like a bright beacon.
Even though I may have an awakened viewpoint, doesn’t mean that I don’t sometimes see the negative in life too. Like I said, I’ve seen a lot of ugly things and crossed paths with a lot of mean people. I truly do understand the reason for it everything that happens and the ways of life, but sometimes it’s so hard to take in. You’ve shown me that not everyone is lost to evil, that goodness still exists. Meeting people like you reaffirms my belief that the Lord has a purpose for holding onto this Earth. If people like you exist, He has every reason to keep fighting, to keep awakening others—regardless of who they are, what they believe, or what they do—because the purity of their heart matters most.
I just want you to know how much you mean to me. How much you’ve brightened my journey simply by being who you are. I hope you can see your worth when you look in the mirror, even on days when it’s hard to remember. I know it’s not always easy, and you may not hear words like these every day. But this comes straight from my heart, and I wanted to make sure you knew just how special you are to me.
So, the point I’m trying to make is that even though sometimes I look back and wonder about my choice knowing that my new children will have to grow up in a chaotic world, that I’ll probably be gone by the time they’re adults—knowing that this world is indeed a difficult place, how hard life can be even for me, and knowing that many of the insights I’ve shared have been questioned, or for believers, have caused anxiety—I still know that staying was the right decision. I’ve helped a lot of people, and I’ve had the privilege of meeting beautiful souls that the Lord continues to fight for on this planet.
I understand that life can be very hard sometimes, and there are moments when you may not want to keep going. Many people out there long to leave this world. Yet, even I, who was ready to go, went asking for more time, have extended my stay—knowing that the road ahead could become even darker and more difficult. Because, I knew that there was a way to experience true love in this world, and to actually achieve my purpose of finding it, as well as helping others find the Lord.
And I did so, through being able to meet and work with many of you. The children I have are a miraculous gift. But what’s additionally just as miraculous, it’s getting a chance to see all of you grow in faith. But the truth is, no matter how you feel about life, you are here for a reason. I say it all the time—together, as a collective. Just by being here right now, amidst the darkness, we are allowing the Lord’s light to live on. Despite everything trying to extinguish it, we continue to keep that light alive.
Therefore, I’m really thankful that I got to extend my spiritual contract and stay longer. I get to go through this time with all of you and prepare everybody with knowledge and wisdom. I am the messenger of this time, and you make that great responsibility worth it. I’m thankful for that, even though the days may be hard. I hope this changes your perspective in wanting to live out the fullness of your life, and to be thankful even among the challenges, to be here right now.
You are the light of the world. And you are especially a light in mine. Just as much purpose as I’ve given to you, you’ve given to me, and that’s a beautiful story just in itself. I have more messages and wisdom to share, more people to save, more souls to meet and love. And I have two kids to bring me joy along the way too. Looking at those gifts, makes life worth the choice. You have to find the joys in your own too, and stay strong. Even if it just being a light here for God, you are meaningful. Never give up! You never know what the future holds and asI would’ve been long gone by now, here I am with the greatest gifts God could give in life. You too, could end up with an unimaginable future. And if not, you still served a purpose just by being here.
Thank you for being a part of my records.
Use Your Contract For Greater Change
While some people come to me seeking contract changes all the time. There have even been a few requests to shorten their lives. However, that’s something I haven’t been given the power to do. The Lord grants me the ability to extend time for others, but ultimately, when a person goes to Him, it’s His decision. Even if I had that ability, I don’t think I would want to participate in it. I love people enough to see their value, their potential even if they don’t see it. I read the soul after all, and I know there’s a better way for them.
Honestly, I believe everyone is valuable and worth fighting for. Sometimes, I fight for people harder than they fight for themselves, through the guidance that I seek for them, and the prayers that I speak, as well as the behind-the-scenes things that I do to try to help their path without telling them. Each person should see the value in themselves to want to fight for themselves too.
I believe it’s more meaningful to give yourself more time to pursue and accomplish your dreams. If you’ve ever had thoughts like that, I sincerely hope you’ll reconsider. Use your soul’s contract to reshape your circumstances and make life worth living instead!
While embarking on a personal journey of spiritual exploration online is a beautiful and intimate experience, but it is equally essential to acknowledge the shared responsibility that both individuals and their loved ones hold in being mindful of the content they engage with. This awareness creates a supportive and nurturing environment for growth and discovery. And ensures the well-being of the seeker.
Each person has the inner wisdom to discern whether what they are viewing supports their well-being. Just as some choose to watch videos about religion, the paranormal, philosophy, pranks, wellness, new skills, or other forms of knowledge, it’s ultimately up to each individual to decide what resonates and what is safe for them at any given time. The same applies to life coaching, advice, or spiritual teachings: it’s truly important to listen to your intuition and honor your unique path. Athough, I do have to admit that I’m pretty good at what I do in terms of helping others. I’m trustworthy and honorable in my work and following the advice would truly be beneficial.
With that said, I don’t deny that my content is deep and at times heavy. That’s why I have always included clear disclaimers throughout my work, on my predictions, blogs, and all my content, especially where I discuss sensitive topics. These disclaimers are just to remind viewers that certain material may not be suitable for everyone, particularly those who are emotionally or mentally vulnerable.
My intention was and is always to inform and protect, understanding how deep mystical and spiritual studies can affect someone’s mental and emotional state. But again, if a person chooses to explore what I offer, ultimately that is up to them.
Over the years, I’ve shared my beliefs with the sincere hope that others will see they are not alone in their experiences. i’m not here to enforce my beliefs, but to share them. If others felt that they agreed, then we formed a community of like-minded people. My goal is always to gently guide those interested in deepening their spiritual understanding, while cautioning about the potential risks involved in exploring the unseen realm. I have always advocated for a careful approach, never encouraging practicing magic, spirit work, or mediumship without proper guidance, because I am fully aware of the dangers that can arise.
My hope is to illuminate the truth and help prevent unnecessary trouble in the process.
At the heart of everything I teach is the love and light of our Heavenly Father and Mother above. Living a life of righteousness and virtue is central to my message. However, I understand that my teachings can sometimes be misunderstood or may trigger difficult emotions in some individuals.
Please know that if my content affects you negatively, discretion is key, and each person is responsible for choosing what they expose themselves to.
Like if the predictions cause anxiety, then why read them? If a person chooses to explore them anyway, that’s their choice and I can’t be held responsible for the anxiety felt. And if the person knows that they feel a certain way while reading them, it was their own choice because they continued reading them after all. Just like I have the right to freedom of speech in sharing my knowledge and experience, viewers have the right to close the page or not read it all if the content bothers them.
But even still, I’ve always been considerate on how the material could affect people which is why I always added a disclaimer when it comes to working with me on my website, and even on blogs as well as some videos that have had some sensitive images.
Yet, it pains me deeply if anything I’ve shared has caused hurt or exacerbated existing struggles. While I cannot control how others interpret or respond to my teachings, I am always mindful of the impact I might have. I’ve been cautious in my approach, sometimes consulting with family members or stepping back if I sensed someone was becoming overwhelmed, because my intention is to protect and support, not to harm.
Most of my students are adults, in line with my “terms and conditions”, at my site which specify that participants should be 18 or older, or have parental consent if younger.
For minors, I’ve always taken extra care, engaging asking about their guardians or pausing altogether if necessary, to ensure their safety and well-being. If I feel the information is not being taken positively, I’ll gently say; “Maybe I’m not the teacher for you”. And I will back away. But I have asked the small handful of students I have had under 18, if they’re relatives were aware that they came to me, and they would even order services for their family members leading me to the assumption that their relatives were aware.
I trust that when someone tells me that their family is aware or supportive, they are speaking with honesty, but I recognize that anyone can say anything online. Yet people should come with honesty, as I provide honesty myself, because spiritual work is serious, and not everyone is ready for esoteric teachings. Ultimately, each person must decide what they are ready to explore or accept in their spiritual journey. It’s also the responsibility of parents and guardians to be aware of what their loved ones are engaging with. If someone informs me that their family supports their involvement, I trust that and proceed accordingly.
Regarding my predictions, understand that I do not have control over external circumstances or the broader world. I don’t manifest the things that I foresee. If I had that power, I would focus on alleviating suffering everywhere. I’m not God. I only share, what heaven shares with me as a humble messenger.
I do regularly review my content, understanding that some teachings, like predictions or mystical insight may evoke anxiety. Believe me, having visions of the events myself even gives me anxiety at first, I get it. It’s ultimately up to each person to decide whether they can handle the information with discernment and care and to come honestly from the beginning.
My deepest concern is for everyone who has been affected by what I share. I want you to know that I care sincerely and hold compassion in my heart. I share this openly because I understand how things might appear from an outsider’s perspective, and I always seek to approach with humility and empathy, seeing from all angles, above and below, and through each person’s perspective too. Please don’t judge a book by its cover. I have always been honest with everything, if I hadn’t intended on being honest, then why would I speak about so many deep and personal things in my life, my wisdom etc to begin with? I didn’t have to share anything with anyone. Yet I did, because the trust that people place in me, is deserving of explanation in order to continue honoring that trust. 
Because the spiritual path involves deep, often heavy, truths, I have not worked extensively with too many younger students. If these teachings were meant for everyone after all, they would have been accessible to all people throughout history. Usually, if there are adults who aren’t even ready for these profound insights, then a younger person likely isn’t either. That’s why I emphasize the importance of mental and emotional preparedness before delving into spiritual work. In my time, I have only taught a few kids that were nearing the age of 17, but I was told that their family was at least aware of the fact that they were working with me. For now on, a video recording will be required with the person seeking, and their parental guardian, speaking visually in the video, letting me know that they are condoning that they seek with me as a teacher or reader 
Side from this, I do care and that’s why disclaimers are a key part of my practice especially regarding sensitive topics. For instance, I include warnings about predictions involving angels on the disclaimer page of the site , advising those who are emotionally sensitive to approach such insights with caution.
My teachings on public websites and videos are meant to be accessible to everyone regardless of age, background, or walk of life. I do not control how individuals interpret or utilize what they find here. If anyone seeks clarification, I am always happy to guide them. But I do want to sincerely apologize if any of my prophecies or teachings have caused confusion or anxiety. A weight is something I personally carry, as I understand the heavy significance of what I sometimes reveal, becauseits heavy even for me as the oracle.
That’s why I encourage everyone to consider their own readiness before engaging with sensitive material. It’s for their mental, emotional, and spiritual health. But ultimately, if someone chooses to continue on and work with me, I respect their decision.
My teachings focus on guiding people toward unconditional love, living virtuously, and deepening their connection with God. Shadow work addressing the parts of themselves that challenge them, is a vital part of this process, aimed at growth and self-awareness.
When someone purchases a service from my website, be it coaching or readings, it states on the order that by purchasing, that they automatically agree to the terms, and that they agree to the terms outlined in my policies. I can only assume that they’ve read those terms, and trust they’ll be honest in providing true identity and not come to me under false pretenses.
I always try to see things from multiple perspectives and hold compassion for anyone who might have misunderstood or been affected negatively by my work.
Knowing that people grow and achieve their goals is my greatest joy. It hurts me deeply if anyone has ever felt hurt or confused by what I’ve shared. Please understand that I am aware of the heaviness some content may carry, but I also teach about balance and the divine light that shines brighter than darkness.
No one is required to agree with my teachings, and I do not seek to impose my beliefs on anyone. Many of my relationships with students have blossomed into genuine friendships. I share my work freely because people are drawn to it, they come to me because they seek understanding, not because I push or market aggressively.
Those who choose to follow, participate, or engage with my teachings do so freely. I cannot control the weight of predictions or insights I share, but I share my insights out of a sincere desire to help others on their spiritual path, toward humility, love, and a genuine relationship with God and themselves, and a truthful awareness of the world.
Its true, everyone has the right to believe in what resonates with them, whether it’s religion, spirituality, or their personal truth. And each person has the right to express their beliefs lovingly and freely. My intention has always been to guide others toward love and light, never to cause harm.
If any of my content feels too heavy or challenging for you, please remember that you are free to step back. Your well-being and peace come first. I hold deep compassion for all on their spiritual journey, understanding that it can sometimes be confusing or overwhelming, especially when guidance is not pursued through consistent mentorship or even misunderstood.
Again, I am not responsible for external events or outcomes. My predictions are insights, not manifestations or powers to control reality. If I had that kind of power, I’d be working to end suffering everywhere, feeding the hungry, healing the sick, and fostering peace. I am simply a humble messenger, sharing visions in hope of helping others elevate their understanding, prepare for challenges, and find their inner truth.
My greatest hope is to see others grow, evolve, and awaken to their divine potential, walking their path with love, humility, and hope.
I do feel sorry for anyone who consequently couldn’t handle the wisdom or if if added to existing internal struggles. My heart goes to you.
For now on, please proceed with my content with care, ensuring that you are ready for the information that you are about to watch or read when it comes to my YouTube channel or blogs. Always take care of your own mental and emotional well-being as a priority first. Your mental and emotional selves are a greater part of the spiritual body, and all have to be in the greatest health, for the greatest growth. 
Welcome, dear reader. It’s so good to have you back and thank you so very much for taking interest in me, that you have come to hear my thoughts and wisdom. It’s nice to know that someone cares.
If you’ve ever really thought about the title of this website, you’ll understand what the website is for. It’s called “Spiritually Awkward: The diary of a spiritual fanatic”. That’s right, it’s a diary!
All of my other websites are made for teaching others about spirituality and the heavens. But this one here, was solely for me to express my deepest thoughts and feelings in. I also use it to share different things that I’m working on, or Spiritual experiences that I’ve had. But mainly, it’s a place for me to vent. Everybody needs a friend. For me, I have always had a very isolated life. Besides, the heavens, this diary is the only place that I can truly let out my deepest thoughts. I also think about others and have made it so that anyone needing to, can vent when they go to my messages or emails. Granted the emails have become nothing but commercial spam for some reason… But that hasn’t stopped anyone from being able to send in their thoughts.
I do read them.
But here… It’s my time. And I’m always so very thankful for those that care enough to take the time out to read this. Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I really would like to express my thoughts here considering that I have gone through a lot over the last year and I know that many others have gone through their own trials. I don’t only think about my own path in life. My time here has been spent mainly on worrying about others. My greatest hopes and intentions are to show other people that they are loved and cared about, and that I have answers that they can use from the heavens to better themselves. Anything that seems impossible, we’ll try to work through together. Nevertheless, seeing others who are struggling truly pains my heart. I hope that just by reading my thoughts, I can be an example of how to handle things, and, that it’s OK to feel how you feel.
It still feels pretty good to have a listening ear though doesn’t it? With that, I thank you again for coming by.
Thoughts on time, trials, & random reflections
To start, it feels like time has gone by so quickly. It was just Halloween, and now it’s the first week of December? November seems almost as if it never even took place! Well, for me anyway.
December already? Wow. Being the soul that I am, time has always been fast or seemingly nonexistent. Yet, there were times that I could adjust my perception to a 3-D view and experience a little bit of what everyone else did. With that, I can remember moments when I was small, where it seemed like it took forever for Christmas to come. but stepping back into a higher dimensional view, the weeks and months have always gone by fast. Yet adjusting back into the 3-D perspective, at present time, time is going super fast for everybody nowadays.
I’ve always told everyone that time was a man-made illusion that has been changed whenever it was convenient. From the beginning of man’s existence on earth, and throughout the millennia, the calendar has changed many times. Here’s an interesting article to read when you’re done here, if you want to see how man has strived to perfect “measuring” time.
Putting time to the side, I know the secret to perpetual youth. And yes, one could live forever. Immortality is a little more on the “impossible” side because of the way that the world is. But think about perpetual youth?
Health and youthfulness everlasting?
It isn’t possible without several things that need to be put into place. The only thing that I can say without revealing the secret is that it’s very difficult for anyone to achieve. Especially in this day and age. Remaining inside of the matrix, and its way of doing things, will make it so that we are all bound by the clock until change brings the possibility. If I had a place where I could bring all of the people that were interested in learning these secrets, they could live there with me and learn how to reach a state of health and youthfulness that would last beyond what they could imagine. That may just be wishful thinking, mixed into my world of flowing mentation.
Now back to the astounding realization that it’s December, already, I reflect back into some of the thoughts that have been cycling through my mind lately. That brings me into a state of concern again. There are so many beautiful things in life to be thankful for, but yet at this time in the world people are experiencing so much difficulty. My heart truly aches for them. People can only see what’s in front of them now. They all hear things in the news, but how many really feel deeply troubled by it? It’s one thing to say: “That’s a shame”, or “I wish things were better for other people ”, but is it really emotion that they’re putting behind those words? Or is it just a thought? I channel people in the world even without wanting or trying to. I can tell you that I feel heartbroken a lot of the time, that’s for sure. Why can’t people care about one another?
For me, I truly feel sympathy, compassion, and remorse for the way that things are. I can’t stand the suffering that people have to endure. I take it personally. The thought of human suffering puts me into utter despair at times where I’ll have a day or two where I just cry because of the things happening in the world. I’ll have to fight really hard in order to pick myself back up after I go through something like that.
There are so many people throughout time that have been victims of starvation, disease, poverty, homelessness, and so many other terrible things that existence brings in this world. On the other side of things, there are a lot of others that have had blessed lives without worry or struggle. Many people often ask me what really makes it so that there are others who thrive, and others that don’t? Who determines who lives in a state of struggle?
Many people think that it has to do with God, or a person’s fate. In some cases struggle has a lot to do with a person’s fate, but most of it is caused by mankind. To answer that question once and for all, those who determine who will be poor, or wealthy, are decided by the world powers. There are countries that are deliberately kept in a state of poverty, so that the people have no way to fight for themselves. Those countries are used for experiments, such as biological weapons and viruses. And then organizations rise up, claiming to help, but not all of the money really reaches them. How terribly sad! While others focus on feeding the poor overseas, they forget about the poor that live in their very own town, state or country.
This is just my mindset.
It goes in a circle and takes me into so many different areas of this subject. It flip-flops back-and-forth between thinking about the needs of others, and what I could possibly do to help myself. How can I find a way to make things okay for everybody, if many won’t listen? How can I find help for myself if I don’t ask? The reason why I am putting this article out here to begin with is because I strongly feel that there are a lot of people who are going through a lot of similar things. Yes, my situation is different, but the worry and thought process could be the same. I want others to know that they are not alone. Just because I have the help of the heavens doesn’t mean that I don’t go through difficulties myself as well.
It’s not always easy for me either, you’re not alone
Yashua of Nazareth had his trials. He didn’t work a job after he began his mission of spreading the wisdom of heaven. He worked as a carpenter for a long time before that, though. He gave it up to preach to people. Back then they didn’t have the Internet, telephones, or television. They only had word of mouth, or written word. To enlighten others as much as he could, he had to travel. He had to live off of the donations of other people hoping that kind people would provide for not only himself, but his followers as well.
Luckily, there were people that helped provide food and shelter. The New Testament in the Bible speaks of times where he found support. But those were only a few moments of charity that were highlighted in his story. Imagine how many other times when they couldn’t find a place to lay their head or a bite to eat? He spoke of faith and placing trust in the heavens that he and his followers would find what they needed to get by. Yes, let’s not forget that he performed miracles that proved that heaven was by their side. But that doesn’t mean that he didn’t run into times of hardship. He was persecuted after all.
I have faced my own persecution during these times. As a messenger, I have had great difficulty spreading the word. The Internet may seem as if it provides more of an ability to reach greater numbers, but when you’re being blocked by the system, it makes things just as difficult as it would have been for Yashua, trying to get to other places that perhaps were not welcoming.
I have also had to rely on the money given to me through the services, teachings, and insight that I give. That’s why I’ve always kept prices low. People take advantage of things today, and if I left it open that a person could leave a donation for the service, many people would not have provided any kind of donation at all. And so I have tried to make it fair for everyone, including myself… to survive.
Yet while looking back on all of the hard work that I’ve put out there over the years, including things that I’ve done for free on my own time to benefit others, I found that it may be necessary to work another job as well. Last year, I actually tried that. I went on a job search and found a job serving in a restaurant. My daughter had gotten a job as a waitress sometime before that, and I thought that if she could do it, I could.
In doing so, I made things utterly uncomfortable for myself. I can’t tell you how many times I came home feeling like I was physically dying from something. I thought what a horrible existence. Could you imagine if I never got anywhere with my spiritual teachings? What if the world didn’t accept me? I would have had to feel like this every day of my life, working a regular job? The psychic torture That I would’ve had to have endured. I’m sure glad that everything worked out according to my life’s plan and purpose. I certainly couldn’t continue with it. I’m just not made for conventional society. I can float along with things as much as I can, but I am a non-conformist who has always lived life to the beat of my own drum. Well, that beat is the song of the heavens. That definitely makes it a little hard to go along with, especially in regards to the world today. It’s said to “be no part of this kingdom”.Yet the way that things are done here on earth, makes it very difficult for anyone to separate themselves from it. You’ll always be a part of it in some way, shape or form. Even me.
I wanted to earn more money and have the ability to pay my bills and fix any upcoming household issues. Things were not nearly all that horrible last year, but I could foresee that there would be hardships to come ahead. Sure enough, July 2022 brought its fair share of bad luck. Nevertheless, working in a public restaurant, or any other public place for that matter, totally destroyed me. All of the thoughts that I could pick up on from the people, things in their aura, Vibrations of the environment itself… It was all just too much.
I also have to mention that I also had to balance out my other responsibilities, and my work as a spiritual teacher. I certainly got behind on a lot of things, and I know that there were a lot of people that may have been frustrated with me because of the delays in receiving their services. But what could I do? I had to make things better somehow, someway. Luckily, enough, I have a kind individual who takes care of me with a lot of things. I have always called them “my angel”. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to get by. Especially now that I’m not working a second job. But I’m still left to the same needs.
Inflation is affecting everyone
When it comes to how inflation is effecting me, it’s been challenging. I have two toddlers, two older children, a home that has a lot of bills and repairs needed, and a business that I also have bills to pay for. Food also runs about $600 a week to feed all of those people. I don’t buy anything for myself since I don’t need to eat much. But even if I did eat, I couldn’t afford to buy groceries for myself. My daughter works, but that’s only enough money for her to pay her own bills. My heart breaks every time that I think of the poor families out there that can’t afford groceries. I shake my head in disbelief and my eyes tear up with genuine sympathy. I’m so blessed to have food to feed my family. I’m so blessed! It makes me glad that I don’t have enough for myself. If there are others out there that can’t eat, then while I appreciate the blessings and I’ll use what I have to care for the people that I’m responsible for, I myself will join those who are hungry.
Thinking about this time of year adds a sense of concern. Especially this year. I have enough faith to move mountains, but because there are so many people out there who don’t have enough faith, and they worry. I can feel their worries. Thoughts running through my mind such as:
“I hope everyone out there has enough food to eat, and a nice warm place to stay. I hope that nobody feels alone. I hope everyone is able to financially afford their needs, and that those who can’t, find someone to help”.
It crosses my mind that now that it’s the holidays, it’s a time that is reserved for cherishing any festive moments that one can have with their family. That makes me think of my whole family. It makes me think of my father. Without him, there’s not much of a family anymore. I am the glue that holds the family together now, but my two oldest children are now growing up and have lives of their own. My mom has withdrawn into the world of her own where she doesn’t interact or do much with any of us. She never really did. At least when my father was alive, she would sit with us and be present. Now that he’s gone, she doesn’t even do that. The thought of my mom makes me think of others who are in a similar place. Why don’t people apple the people that they do have in their lives? Loss is hard, but there are still living people to be thankful for, and to not take that time with them for granted.
I have the two little ones but sometimes it would be nice to look forward to having family to visit or celebrate the holidays with instead of it always being just me and my two little toddlers. How many people have lost a loved one due to Covid, cancer, and how many other dangers or illnesses? So many. They’ll probably feel sad this holiday season. I can relate to them, how it feels to miss someone.
Then I think about how it’s getting cold outside, and I can longer enjoy a nice walk. I think about how the neighborhood is already starting to seem as if it’s empty because there’s no one outside, and that it’ll be this way for a while during the long winter months. That thought leads my mind into the next.
I start thinking about the homeless people that are going to be outside and how horrible it must be to have to go through such hardship. I remember when I was younger and didn’t have a place to stay. I had to sleep outside a few times back then. I was in college and didn’t have any money to find a place to stay. Any money that I did make while I was working, wasn’t enough to put a roof over my own head yet. Back then, my parents only had a small apartment, and it seemed that my mother had other plans that provided shelter for someone else rather than her daughter and grandson. It was a very hard time, but luckily it was during the summer and early fall. I never had to endure the cruelty of winter’s cold air. I put myself in the shoes of those who have to live that way, and it pains my heart to imagine that there are good people out there that can’t provide the most important necessity for themselves…a warm and safe place to stay.
My mind drifts into so many different thoughts. And leads me into thinking about how blessed many of us really truly are. But those blessings are not promised to last. Especially today with everything that’s happening in the world around us. Inflation is making even more people find it hard to provide. Many more people have been sent to the streets to live, because of the cost of living. Christmas is coming up and everything is so overpriced. I can imagine how many people out there truly feel a sense of worry during this time.
No it’s not just me.
Everyone is thinking about what they are going to do in order to just get by or even make things a little better. Social media has made our children care about things that are superficial and costly. As parents, many of us want to please our beloved children, but I have a feeling many kids are going to feel disappointed this year. Parents have to make it work no matter how difficult the situation is. Children fail to understand the value of money, and all of the tiring hours of hard work that their parents go through in order to earn it.
My thoughts stay within the same subject, but branch off into different facets of it.
Christmas.
What would I do for Christmas? What about the surgery that I have coming up? I’ve had to use everything that I have in order to provide necessities, but now Christmas is right around the corner. No doubt time will go just as quickly passed. I truly need a way to figure things through. Since July, I’ve had to help my mother pay for an electricity issue, pay for her washing machine that broke down, put up money to help fix her car since it’s my only means of transportation, and pay for the bills for the household. Doing all of that and having to pay for my own bills, support the kids, and supply food took everything that I had.
I can only imagine how many other people are going through something similar. Thinking about them, I cried. Talking to my family just the other night, I told them that I couldn’t believe how many people failed to think about all of the individuals out there beyond their own homes. A friend of the family said that people can’t worry about the people beyond their household. They have to worry about their own family.
That made me cry even more.
Thinking about Christmas led me to think about my kids. Thinking about the kids made me think about when I had them and how fast time has gone by since I had them. When thinking about when Alexander was born, that led me to think about my surgery even more. Beautiful little gift that God gave me didn’t come without difficulty. Since he was born abdominal cavities weakened and my organs underneath protruded. Three issues. Already, I’ve had one surgery to fix them. But the insurance said that it only covered one operation. Anything else, I would have to pay for. Right now, I need the same three areas fixed since the problems have returned. The doctor’s have told me it’s because I need a more intricate surgery in order to put everything back into place. I don’t care much about my appearances but I don’t think anybody would want their stomach looking like mine does. I was really trying hard to save up. $7000 is a lot.
The bump sticking out of my belly is the reason that I needed surgery after Zander was born. It returned and this year and is twice as big, needing a more intricate surgery to fix. I am twice as thin today than in the photo since I had just had the baby a few months before. It shows more now. I sometimes wrap my stomach to hide it.
That made me also think about all of the kind of people that try to look out for me. It made me grateful that I have what I have already. But then I thought about how blessed I truly am. And that made me think about how many people aren’t. Maybe living with the abdominal problems that I have, couldn’t be the worst thing that would ever happen. In the world, people are heartless, and mean, and of all of the individuals that I worry about that I don’t even know, and those that I do, I wish that I had the ability to fix any issues that they have. I’ve had my fair share of heartache and experience with hurtful people.
I never want anyone to hurt. As a heavenly creature, I have always seen that most human beings only look out for themselves, and while they do nice things for others… They always look out for themselves first. I’ve also seen how humans really only love while having conditions. That means that they also help others with conditions as well. I’m not talking about anyone specifically, dear reader. I am just telling you what I have experienced throughout my life when it comes to the world.
But heaven has always tried to prove something to me.
My situation is the way that it is, for them to show me something. Since I was a young girl, I’ve always told the heavens that human beings seemed to be without a true definition of love. That made me think about a person who once asked me why as an angel, I can’t manifest millions of dollars for myself.
It makes me giggle a little bit.
I needed to giggle,
I’m tired of the tears.
Thinking about that question, I wonder how it could be so hard for them to see the truth. Let’s say that even if I could manifest a million, why would I want to do that for myself? Why not manifest a million dollars for some individual out there that needs it more? I may have had hardships and struggles that I have a roof over my head and food for my family to eat. I could manifest anything. And I do. But not for myself. There have been things that I’ve done on a grand scale, but I would never talk about it publicly. I’m sure there have been a lot of people that have had some surprises in their lives throughout time because of that. There have been a lot of people that have gotten even smaller surprises in their lives, and some of them knew that it was me lol. This is just the current cycle of my thought process. I apologize for rambling, but then again it is my own diary, and there should be no need for me to say that I’m sorry. My mind and heart together are truly tumultuous.
Why would a divine creature choose to be wealthy? Wouldn’t that take away from their example of living as a humble person? The heavens did not grant me wealth because they wanted me to be aware of every single time that they have ever helped me. It’s true that in the darkness, the light is more visible, is it not? I would have seen that light, no matter what, but it was truly a miraculous thing to have been able to see all of the times that they rescued me. And no, I’m not talking about things that people could have thought of as just coincidence.
Just for one simple example…
This takes my mind back to the time that I mentioned earlier of when I was without a place to stay. My son Noah was one year old. I was always worried about making sure that he had what he needed. I would pray, while walking from location to location, that the heavens could somehow provide for us. I had only just finished saying the prayer and walking just a little further ahead I would look down and find a $20 bill on the ground.
This didn’t happen once, and it didn’t happen twice. It didn’t even happen just three times. It happened every day, from the time that I started to ask for help in that prayer, up until the time when the situation was resolved. Imagine that! Could that be a coincidence? Perhaps one could say it was a coincidence if it had only been just a few times, but this was daily. There have been so many other things like that from situations that were smaller, the ones that were greatly important. If there was ever anyone in this world, that could say that they were truly blessed, that individual is me.
Coming back to the individual who asked me why I don’t manifest a lot of money for myself, I have a question for them.
With the help that heaven has provided me with, do I really need $1 million afterall? Why not use the power of the heavens to help others that don’t have as much assistance from the heavens in their everyday situations? It makes a lot of sense doesn’t it? My thoughts could go on and on lol. But to add to this and conclude it, I wonder what people would choose if they were offered $1 million or ongoing help from the heavens throughout life in a situation of need? That is truly something to think about isn’t it? Maybe then people will understand.
With all of the help that heaven has provided me with, they not only help me through sudden miracles… But they help me through other people too. They wanted to prove to me that there are good people out there that actually care. Sure it’s hard for me to imagine since I have seen a lot of ugliness in the world. I have often talked about the compassion that I feel regarding others, including strangers, more than I have heard anyone else exclaim it. It made me wonder if people truly have the ability out there to love one another as they should.
Before coming here, and throughout my experience on earth, I have always said that human beings seemed to be without the true definition of love and virtue as heaven displays it. Anyone can certainly see that mankind has been responsible for hurting each other throughout time, more than they have helped one another. Even looking at the world today it is obvious that people are becoming even colder and self-serving.
Yet I believe that, while I am here to teach others how to develop heavenly love, heaven also wanted me to see that while there may not be anyone on earth with the true definition of love as heavenly beings give it, there are kind loving people in the world nonetheless. The heavens have shown me this through the kind things that people have done for me that have really made a difference.
I strive to look for goodness and kindness all around me, and I do see it out there. There are a lot of people that contribute to charities, fight for worthy causes, and those who would lay their life down for a friend if it meant saving them. I have even heard of people that have donated an organ to someone who needed one. I have even heard stories of people that have risked their lives for a stranger. Firefighters do it all the time. There are a lot of beautiful people in the world, and I am so happy to know that, even through my own experiences personally. I truly have had the gift of living on earth to learn this wonderful lesson. Even now, there is a wonderful person in my life that has done more for me than anyone else. Aside from my own father, they have truly taken care of me. That alone proves that there are people in the world that have the ability to learn how to love and care for others, the way that heaven would.
Love doesn’t just come in the form of helping someone out with financial assistance, and one cannot say that love is just as simple as being a listening ear either. Love falls everywhere in between. “To love” means that you would do anything that you had to do in order to help somebody, in any way that you could offer, according to your means. if the person was in trouble and they were in need of specific things, the person that loves them would fight to find a way to find those things. Love is always putting one’s self aside for the sake of others.
It again circles me back to my earlier thoughts regarding the question of the one individual who asked me why I don’t manifest $1 million for myself. I can’t get over that lol. Even if I did manifest a world of wealth like that, I probably wouldn’t have had it for very long anyhow. I know that I would have given so much of it away to people in need, that none of it would be left.
People talk about winning the lottery all of the time and in hypothetical conversations they go through a list of “what if’s”, regarding what they do with their winnings. I have heard conversations like that and people almost always have included what they would do to help others or at least somebody close to them. I wonder how many people would actually go through with the things on that list if they actually won? I would do a lot of things that would help other people and for myself all I would care about would be to make sure that I was humbly able to live safely and comfortably. But then again, that wouldn’t be for myself. I could live through any given situation, no matter how bad the circumstances. I would want the safety and comfortability for my loved ones. My intentions are always focused on others.
With any winnings, I would have given a proportion to someone who was in more need than me, that I would still have enough left to help more than one person. That’s because through all of the wonderful things that heaven has done for me in my life (just like the $20 that I found everyday on the ground when I was without, the insight and healing that they’ve done through me for others, and for all of the bigger things that they’ve helped me with) I would want to give another human being that feeling of finding a miracle. There have been a lot of people in my life already who have all told me that I worry far too much about other people, rather than myself. Those closest to me, feel as though I have really hurt myself in doing so. I wonder if anyone knows what it’s like to truly give to others until you have nothing left yourself?
I know that you must already be getting tired of hearing my rambling right now. But where else am I supposed to vent out my thoughts? Heaven already knows everything that I’m thinking and feeling. Sometimes it’s nice to have human ears that can hear you out. It seems that no matter how many people I talk to about what I’m thinking and feeling, it doesn’t seem to hit them deep in their core.
Being so virtuous and compassionate, sometimes I feel utterly alone in this world. If you’re reading from any of my websites, especially this diary, then you are one of the deeper people out there. I know that you must feel the same way sometimes. There aren’t many who dwell on things like this.
Do you?
Do your thoughts sometimes circle around the way that mine do?
Do you have thoughts of the world and of what you wish you could change in it?
The world is full of useless distractions. It seems that the leaders know exactly what they’re doing when they allow certain things on social media. They say that this generation is “woke”. But all that I see, is the fulfillment of many of the prophecies that I predicted, coming true. If you’re a student of mine, then you should already know that all that is happening today really only applies in terms of an agenda that is being greatly promoted. I have been talking about the corruption that is behind the face front of many different things for the longest time now. In fact, when I started to reveal things like that and more, I was considered to be a conspiracy theorist. I was censored from being able to freely express myself in regards to what I knew. Now I hear of many people talking about the very same things and it truly hurts my heart. It hurt me because nobody wanted to listen when I spoke out. But what hurts me most of all is that they are still missing the bigger picture.
Anyone can claim to be awake these days. Just because people can see that the government is corrupt doesn’t mean that they are awake. Being awake means that you’re not only seeing the problem, but that you are changing so that you can be a part of the greater change. Yet so many people are boosting their own egos and act as if nobody has ever said any of this before. There is something so much deeper than what most people see, and I can tell you that many of them are playing into the agenda even still. I have so much that I want to teach people, but sometimes my thoughts take me deep into my mind and I wonder whether it’s even worth it to try anymore. Everyone deserves the truth, but when the truth requires change… many will turn the other cheek.
Right now, all that I want is for the world to change. I want everyone everywhere in a matter who they are, to be OK. The heavens have foretold of so much more to come. All that I want is to know that there are still good people out there that are truly seeking spiritual enlightenment, and who desire real change within themselves. It is easier for so many out there to join the flock and go along with what everyone else is doing. It’s easier to give into urges for self indulgences. Everyone is sad and struggling, and looking for anything that can take away the stress, and for many…their pain.
I know pain.
I experience everyone else’s on top of my own. It is a great burden to live with, being who I am.
For now, I can’t change the entire world. Miracles for a lot of people are slim to none. Or at least that’s what they think. So many people really are blessed. They simply fail to see it. If others could see more help. I am grateful with all that I am that the heavens have walked through many difficult times in my life. Most of all, I’m blessed that they’ve given me the ability to help other people. That alone is my true meaning to life. In the meantime, I have faith that my heavenly family will help me with the things that I need assistance with. They’ve never left me without help before.
The most important lesson that I want others to gain from this diary entry here is that even if I don’t receive the help somehow, I’m still more than grateful for everything that heaven has done for me throughout my life, and to be disappointed would be truly a sign of ingratitude. Faith can move mountains. Even just recently, I’ve had a great sign of hope that I may be able to get the surgery done. In my previous entry on this site I spoke of how Heaven always helps through the people here in this world that are open to doing the works of the angels. I was speaking in regards to others who are open to seeing signs that the heavens want them to help through feeling moved to do something when they hear that someone else is in need. That’s not just in reference to myself, but even for other people. I know of a few people even in my spiritual circle that have been there for other group members too. I had a very nice person come along a month ago who read my blog and mentioned that they would do the best that they could to try to raise some money and donate it to help me out. I’ve had another person who also bought many readings to help me. It’s nice that they purchased services, and that way it’s an even exchange. And so I do have hope that at least that’ll be one thing less that I’ll have to worry about, if everything works out the way that it should. But things happen, and I know that the matrix always tries to make things difficult for me, especially where heaven tries to make it easier.
They won’t provide me any insight on the outcome because I believe they want me to continue to be an example, that whatever they decide either way, I will be OK with.
Hopefully this will teach others to accept the decisions of heaven in their own situations, whether they work out or not for them. It’s also a lesson to believe in miracles and that they will always be there for those that truly have faith. Even if a person doesn’t have the result that they’re looking for in their situation, it doesn’t mean that the heavens aren’t there for them. I hope that everyone will always look for the miracles in their own lives, great and small.
As for now, my thoughts continue to whirl around in concern for everybody these days. As I try to find ways to improve my own situation, I am always looking to do what I can to help others. Through all of my love and concern that I have felt especially recently for the people in the world, I’m not standing by and doing nothing. I am one of those individuals that heaven does their work through, and I’ve been raising canned goods, blankets and coats for the homeless. I do it every year.
If you have anything that you can send in regards to canned goods, blankets, used clothing, or coats that you don’t need, feel free to send it my way, and I will gather it together before the holidays to take it where I know people need it most. You don’t have to. Only if you have anything that you don’t need, or can I encourage you to take to a shelter in your own area? I don’t post as much about doing charity since I don’t look for praise. I hope this reminded anyone out there who may have forgotten to give, to donate somehow. I know what it’s like to have a lot going on that things can slip one’s mind. But one blanket, one meal, $1, anything small means something big to someone in need.
If your thoughts are like mine, pondering over the conditions of the world end of your own life… Just know that you’re not alone. I’m so grateful that you have such an open mind and heart that you care and that you are doing whatever it is that you’re doing, to be a better change, you’re in this world. Even if that just means that you’re helping yourself to change. I send you my love.
For future reference, I’ll add diary-like entries more often. I suppose that everyone knew that I was posting about my life and thoughts, and that this was like a spiritual journal of sorts. This site gives you a view into my mind, heart, soul, and my daily life. Everyone gives me the honor and privilege of allowing me into their personal and private lives, as well as their soul. Why shouldn’t I give them the same respect in return?
Firstly, forgive me for my post of the elderly man who passed out back of my house. My post had no malice in it, but was to show of miracles. Being right there when it happened, the police announced aloud do you want another that he had passed on while driving this vehicle and that they were trying to resuscitate him. However I thought it was amazing that it happened right in my backyard on most, if being that we are very loving and thought immediately to send healing and prayers. The man did end up living which I didn’t get to continue on and telling the story, since the post had offended some. Nevertheless, God does work in mysterious ways and having led him here, he had a family that prayed hopefully for him. Who knows? Had it been any other place, maybe there would not have been? Plus, the fact that it was here at a healer’s house too. It was almost like his vehicle just came to a stop right here at my home. I thought it was a wonderful thing that God to make sure that he was brought to a good place in order to survive. I thought to make it a conversation piece about miracles, but the post didn’t go very far due to comments that people made before knowing anything further about the story, or for those that took it the wrong way. I saw it as ignorance and judgemental. I never jump on top of people whether I agree or disagree with something. Besides, those who know me…. knew my intention was good.
I still apologize if it came off as brash to anyone. I should have left his face out of the picture.  I would have loved to had continued on with talking about it in the comments but it seems that people don’t give things a chance and like to jump down peoples throats before they know anything else. For now on, I’ll have to tell the entire story all in one giant sum, without giving people ability to ask questions about things in order to engage with them. I just want to thank the police for the exceptional job that they did fighting for his life, and God for allowing the man to live on. He was taken to the nearest hospital after they found a pulse on him. I was only a few feet away so I was able to hear everything as they did bring him to the edge of my yard. A new beginning for him I hope! Speaking of growth and new beginnings….
Today we think of growth. It’s a new moon after all with lots of magic going on tonight. I know that I’ll be enjoying it with my ritual circle!
Growth is all around us in the cycles of life. We are all one body here on this planet. But in that one body, there exists cells that carry disease. That disease would equal to being the people that are full of corruption. If you can imagine on a greater level, the protests, wars, and acts of violence that are all happening right now, would look like a little tiny dots of illness within a great bloodstream. It’s like cancer and how it appears on testing. Like little tiny black dots dancing across the person’s inner universe. It’s the same here for earth. How did it even come to be this way? I guess that it doesn’t really matter so much now. What matters is, trying to make it better. Just like cancer though, there doesn’t seem to be much of a cure for the corruption and evils that exist here within people on the earth.
The only thing that we can try to do is multiply the good cells! In other words, we can try to inspire other people to be better. The more and more who change for the better, the more and more who are inspired…. Even those who are corrupt may have a chance to become good. We need to override the ignorance and ugliness.. If we are all one body though, then how can one body come to turn on itself? How can all of the “cells” that are meant to help the body run, come to wage war against one another? Would that not tear the body apart?
That’s exactly what’s happening because if you look at the earth today, we have huge holes in the magnetosphere and in the ozone. There are natural disasters happening everywhere at a great magnitude, just as if the earth is screaming for help. And when the earth’s vibration gets negative and is brought down, then the lifeforms living on it will do the same! Even though they’re vibration happened to be the one that started it all to begin with. It just drives the consciousness down further and further. In the Bible there’s a scripture that says:
“Is it not written in your laws that I have said you are gods?” John 10:34
It’s mentioned again at Psalm 82:6…
“I have said: You are gods; you are all sons of the most high. But you will die like mere mortals. You will fall like every other leader.”
The heavens are referring to the gods who once walked the Earth and their offspring. And yes they did fall, as they do time and time again, it being that they pass on and reincarnate over and over in cycles. Up, down, day, night, above, below, to fall, and to rise… It is all the same thing metaphorically. However, mankind in their own right believe themselves to be gods since they rebelled against the heavens and took the earth for their own. Their empires built for the offspring of the gods whom are still here, are vast and glorious.. but yet like it says “they do not live forever”. Even king Solomon himself said that it is striving after the wind that a man build some thing only to pass on and leave it behind for somebody else. However, I have heard many people reference men to being a God, even especially in the science world. I have even seen it referenced in spiritual quotes like the one below.
However, if so many people have recently awakened, then as God wouldn’t they see the terrible situation that our earth is in? But how many people were so ready to flock to the protests? Even though some of those protests were peaceful, many of them were just excuses for people to act out violently. Even for those that spoke about the “black lives matter” movement, there were many in the African-American communities who were hurting others of their very own ethnicity? So really it was all just a bunch of hypocrisy and unnecessary destruction. If many people were truly awake and became godlike, then why would there not be more conscious awareness of things? How many people say that they are awake but yet are so truly unaware that they still litter and throw trash on the ground? How many say that they are awake, and still speak vulgarly to other people or engage in confrontations? How many of them really are just saying that, as a way to glorify themselves? Probably a majority. And that’s because the truly awake person would not act in any of those ways. No, man is not God, but there is a little essence of God in all here. That is where the light that lives within all living things, comes from anyhow. Still, there would be so many changes to the world had anyone had the ability to purely access that light for what it’s truly meant to be accessible for. I mean think about it? Many just want it for vanity. Most people just want to be able to have a spiritual gift or ability, which is why they pursue becoming awake to begin with. Many just want to be viewed as as being superior. If a lot of people like that would just look deep down inside their hearts and be honest with themselves, they would see that that’s the truth. How many can really face the truth? Which is also another sign that they have not fully reached awakening. Anyone awake could face the ugliest part of themselves head on, come to terms with it, understand it, and then change it. They would not run from it or push it far deep away. That is because a God or someone awake, is someone that acknowledges all truth, good and bad for the higher divine purpose in it.
Also they would recognize that everyone is a part of God here. Therefore, they would treat one another with the upmost love and respect. Obviously if we are all brought here under the same light, then we connect not only into the consciousness of this matrix, but also from the matrix realities we all come from individually. And don’t forget about the one, that we have all come from at some point in the very beginning and it’s essence of it. Even in celestial lineage.
They would see everything and everyone around them as being a part of that one, no matter how distant or close. It doesn’t matter what reality a soul comes from, everyone of them has a connection in the greater web of consciousness that is the universe. Therefore, there is an all seeing eye above, the all seeing eye here. Everyone is having just another adventure for their higher self who connects together with someone else’s, then someone else’s, and then someone else’s. In the end, we are all a projection of the great “One”. People who are awake know that, because when you are awake, you can start to see where other people come from… a great deal… because they start feeling interconnected. No one would think to be rude, or hurtful to their own self standing before them and another form would they? Even for those that say that they are awakening or have reached a full state of being awake, they still have many of the earthly like traits such as impatience, anger, frustration, jealousy, envy, contentious, hateful, And they don’t have any regard for anything truly sacred. Even when it comes to waiting for my angelic readings, many people like to rush me. Hey look I get it, if it has been over 2 to 3 weeks, that’s kind of pushing it a bit on my end, but what if there’s some reason as to why it hasn’t come just yet? What if there’s something going on with me? Or perhaps your spirit guides think it isn’t quite time yet? Or maybe the schedule is just overbooked? With some thing such as providing divine insight, special time needs to be applied for every person carefully. I’m not going to force the info to come or rush through. You deserve the best. It isn’t entertainment, it’s heaven. Many still don’t look at it that way though. Besides that, look at our world? Look at our society? Look at the generation that is uprising, and how they treat one another? How can anyone of them actually really ever say that they are awake or God like, if our world is an even worse so the state than it ever was, ever before? How can people learn to start getting more interconnected with one another then? That brings us to the “By The Day”.
Firstly, “By The Day” is going to change to “Week By Week. I understand people have other things to do, and some of these posts require a little more time to be spent upon them. So let’s just say instead of for today, for this week… I would like everyone to think about times when they are treating other people in any way unkind or rudely. Or where you may be putting yourself ahead of others. When you realize what you are doing, stop for a minute and look at that person. Imagine if God were living inside of them, how would he be viewing you in that moment? Also if he’s having an experience within everyone, do you think he’d really want to be treated that way? After you make the awareness of this, start trying to treat other people as you would want to be treated… or more so, how you think God would want you to treat them. There is a scripture that does say:
“Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters.Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels”. Hebrews 13:1
In other words, treat other people with the awareness that God is always watching even through the eyes of one another and maybe it is in this kind of awareness that one takes on the attributes of our heavenly Lord, that can start a real awakening.
Spiritually Awkward 