To inspire and uplift, I want to share that I’m yes, I am going through profoundly challenging times, ones that have caused my spirit to cry here and there, as my last post on Facebook laid bare. It was about the tripled cost of healthcare that I got hit with around the holiday season? I was in tears.
It’s heartbreaking, a blow I dreaded, yet anticipated, but still arrived like an unwelcome shadow over the holidays. But to counter that raw sorrow, which left me weeping as I poured out my heart, let me offer this glimpse of spiritual beauty, a testament to the light that pierces even the darkest storms. I truly hope it inspires others to always look past the darker times. 
For Christmas, I didn’t want any gifts from my beloved children. Not ones they can buy anyhow.
A couple years ago I just wanted my son to graduate from high school for me. Obviously Christmas is in December and graduation is the following summer but that’s all I really wanted to see happen. If he could accomplish that he would make me proud not just for Christmas, but for the rest of my life. he accomplished that, but he always manages to get me a little something. but that just goes to show you an example of the types of things I asked for from my family members. 
Year after year, I tell them:
“Don’t spend on me, cherish one another instead. If your heart calls you to give a gift to each other or at least your younger siblings, let that be your joy.
But nothing for me, they make me happy enough being my kids.
For me, the truest treasure is simply their existence. It’s in witnessing their lives unfold, their roots sprouting from mine, and growing into a strong branch of the family tree. Most people would think that they would be better off becoming their own tree, I suppose? But in spiritual truth, I know that branches, usually bare fruit, and fruit bears seeds. And so seeing them grow into strong individuals from what I’ve taught them, knowing that one day they’ll create their own paths, and pass that onto their own children, means everything to me.
That, and all of us refusing to let distance erode our bond.
They bring their partners into our circle, sharing half the week with me in laughter and presence, a quiet vow against the drift of time.
Yet all four of them persisted, insisting I must want something. But truly, the relationship that I have with Heaven, the profound love flowing from my students and my children, that boundless river sustains me. It’s everything to me.
What greater gifts could I ask for?
I already stand in awe of the divine gifts given to me: the intimate communion with the Lord, visions of foresight that revealing of tomorrow’s details, and past akashic visions that rewind the ancient past and yesterdays.
Right? Like what a richly layered life I’ve been granted! Hey, even if forged in the crucible of an abusive childhood where there was pain, I had God, wisdom, the light.
“God” was my unwavering anchor, my eternal guide. He imparted every wisdom I hold. He taught me everything, talking to me as I went, explaining, guiding, teaching.
And he never limited the wisdom! He’s been my best friend.
From the art of mending pipes in plumbing, the spark of electrical work, the steady hand for laying floors and crafting with wood. He revealed the secrets of repairing a car, swapping a tire, gliding on ice skates, and even the ancient melodies of Hebrew speech. There’s more, far more, but those are just a few things for example.
Under His gentle guidance, I embraced sign language, excelled into theology’s depths, saw visions of history’s enigmas through the ethereal Akashic records, and with reverence. I still do and it always feels the same. I’m like a little girl eager to hear everything. Her father has to teach her. I see the same in my children. I’m glad that they want knowledge and that they take it to heart. What greater gift could they give me then to take me serious and develop compassion, virtue, and understanding? Or, furthermore, faith…
In my youth, when homelessness stripped me bare, I encountered souls from every shadowed corner, reading their souls, witnessing the insidious grip of negative spiritual forces. There’s no judgment. These individuals taught me so much about the world and all of the different characters in it. The Lord spoke to me of them. He told me every detail I needed to know, even secrets that they themselves would never speak out loud. I learned so much and that situation. So many other people fall because of it, but I bloomed. Nothing in my life has ever been in vain. Neither has yours. Everything we experience is for a greater good, only people don’t see it at the time. I’m thankful that I had the Lord to show me in those moments and I try to do that for others with my work. I’ve channeled celestial angels in the dawn of the new age, and with fierce resolve, I have even cast out demons that sought to devour good people.
This existence has been a symphony of connections. I’ve met and loved people, students that became family, strangers that came for answers and never k ee how important those moments were to me. And all from diverse backgrounds, ethnicities, and paths! And quite a few transformed into family across distances, their love, friendship, their interest in wisdom, a purpose for my soul. even though this blog is about a few things concerning my own family and children I hope that you know how much you mean to me as well. For everyone who reads this I hope you know how every reading I’ve done for you has given me a meaning to my life. I hope you know that for all the things the Lord taught me, I went through so many different situations in order to learn them and teach them to you for yours. to truly love people that I don’t see, someone I’ve never even met in person, but to care, gives me a reason to wake up every day. It’s just about having love for other people, not really about being loved in return. being a teacher is kind of like being everything to a person, a sister, a mother, a friend. It’s quite an experience. Thank you for that.
Back to Motherhood though, that sacred calling, fulfilled a longing.
And though I’ve ached for a profound spiritual energetic union, a soul-deep fusion with another, everyone does, but I find solace in the unbreakable bond to God and my children, a love so pure it eclipses all else. I have so much love, it’s more than any one relationship could give anyhow, I believe.
I’m fulfilled.
Along this journey, I’ve discovered treasured best friends, kindred spirits who keep me wanting to continue on my way.
This year, my prayers to the Lord were humble requests, my usual, but deeper… pleas for my students and their families to be enveloped in safety, intercessions for a world aching with need, and fervent hopes that my family remains united, enduring through survival’s trials. I’ve never beseeched heavenly father for opulence or extravagance. I know some of you may read that and think that talk. Could that be true when I try to look so glamorous but believe me I buy my clothes at a thrift shop lol. Literally I just have some pretty good taste in fashion and I know it looks good on myself astrologically at times, I’ll just head right on over to Goodwill or Plato’s Closet when I have a few extra bucks, and buy an outfit. I never so close away. They come back into fashion anyhow. So I do have a great variety to work, and as a channel, Im quite a few different people inside, we all have different taste in styles🤣. I have a video that I’ll be coming out with that will make more sense. The fake fur coat I’m wearing in the photo? $25. Used. Looks pricey right, it wasn’t 😆. Nonetheless, I did have one personal request since the kids’ insisted. 
One Personal, Humble Request
I did have one request. But oh, I did ask for snow as I always do. I always ask the Lord just for that simple gift of seeing the magic of snow, even a tiny bit. I ask for it annually, and twice He already graced me with it this year. Once, it already snowed a week before my earthly birthday, another mere days prior, blanketing my world in quiet wonder.
I recall when I used to go ice-skating as a girl, it was magnificent. I graced the ice like I could’ve done it professionally with my grace and skills in ballet.
But I never went again.
Not like that.
It was during the New Jersey blizzard of March 1993 and my yard itself was ice rink, frozen over by the flooded rain just a few days before the blizzard hit. After shoveling us out of the house, my father got me the ice skates from the flea market, and I asked the Lord to teach me how. Dad missed work. The snow was knee deep, some places just sheets of glistening ice! He had to shovel driveways for cash to make up for his loss of a days wage.
So I asked my best friend, my Lord, “How do I do this?”
He channeled guidance to me, as I learned, giving me strength to continue gliding across the ice as he told me, “pretend you’re flying”. I went soaring. I fell so many times🤦🏼♀️, but the Lord told me in his loving fatherly voice, even with thunderous boom behind it, still tender: “Get back up. In life you will fall, you’ll bleed, you’ll get hurt. But eventually it won’t matter.”. He was right. I became like the figure skater Tonya Harding on ice, in my yard that day. There was nobody there, just me and my Lord. I’ve gone ice-skating only twice more after that, much later, with Amber…but with rental skates that never felt right, and in an overly crowded rink. I always promised myself on my bucket list that I will get to skate like I did in my yard again like during that blizzard back then. At least one more time. I think that wish might come true this year as well too. And not with the rental skates out there at the local rinks. I’m talking about true ice-skating. That’s something I hoped for too, humbly.
Knowing my love of snow and my annual request, my youngest, Alexander, returned from school with a snowman he crafted, a masterpiece so exquisite, it could grace any shelf at a “Home Goods” store. My heart swelled to bursting, especially as he paired it with a snowman book to read together, a shared story to add holiday magic. He made it just in case the warming weather, didn’t bring me my only personal wish for real snow. How sweet!
Adriel, my darling girl, presented a soft teddy bear, and an ornament made of snowmen by her fingers, expressing her love and my hope for snow too. Alex also added a delicate silk flower, blooming eternally in my memory. All from school!
These tokens, I’ll nestle among my most cherished keepsakes, guardians of joy against time’s fade.
My Gift? Their Promise
What I really wanted? For my elder children, my request was born of vulnerability: no crafts, no expenditures from strained pockets. I always share how I’m making it for now, but it’s challenging taking on the load alone. We’re taken care of, but pinching. Even still, nothing is promised.
Instead, amid the foreboding horizon of hardships ahead, I implored them to inscribe a promise on paper, that no matter the hardships later, if I’m down, they would never forsake me.
Just their word:
“We’ll always be here.”
You see, my body wages a silent war against the surgical mesh from hernia repairs long ago. Though I’ve channeled extraordinary healings to nurture my well-being, removal looms inevitable. Why persist in mending what continues making trouble from within? Psychic surgery eludes such a vast intrusion such as mesh in my abdomen. It’s a huge area and while I’m doing little by little, it’s taking a bit of time to fully repair on my own (💗 I’ll get there) but it’s a lot with having to do healings and readings for others and take care of the family too.
As healthcare burdens appeared, I feared healthcare costs increasing as I predicted January 2025 at http://www.aluracein.com and low and behold, it didn’t just raise a little, it didn’t even double, it tripled. They never sent a letter, only took what I had left in my bank leaving me in the negative. My deepest worry was abandonment. They’re getting older. When kids grow older, they move on. They take care of their own lives. I get it. But I didn’t want them to move on without me.
Especially not during one of the hardest times of my life, should that be so, as I had seen in my visions ahead.
Yet they gifted me far beyond, a profound affirmation of eternal loyalty.
Amber, my daughter, forged a ring blending her birthstone with mine, crowned by an infinity symbol, whispering of forever. Inside, etched in Hebrew, one of my soul’s cherished tongues, her vow flows like ancient poetry, binding us across eternities.
Noah, my son, amid his own battles trying to find work, penned words of exquisite beauty on paper, a letter that moved me to tears.
Even more: his girlfriend Lindsey, who cherishes me as her own mother, knowing who I am, what I do for others, my pure heart, she too crafted her own pledge, subtle yet sincere, echoing the same unbreakable promise. It touched my heart.
A heartfelt card from my friend Mark arrived, vowing unwavering friendship through every storm. What he wrote inside, aligned so much with what I was hoping to hear from all of my loved ones. Remarkable. I cherish everything everyone does, and Mark has been an angel. But the card, the gratitude for the wisdom, his friendship and promise to get through things together? The best gift.
Then, reconnecting with Bella on the phone after too long, we and her daughter sorta exchanged mutual oaths of solidarity, saying we would always be here for each other. Bella always has a pure heart to want to help me and has so much! It’s been since 2013 now, and even when there have been long moments of silence, our friendship has always been there. I don’t think she needs any words in her promise because she’s proving it. But my kids can’t yet. They’re young, they have their pads ahead of them. Influences come and go. Just like I see my daughter Amber, changing more and more every day as she aligns herself more with her partner. In my heart, I’ll never let go of the girl I raised while he can enjoy, the woman she’s choosing to become. She is different now.
Kids grow up and change. But I wanted that promise that even if they do, they will always remain by my side. And I got those promises, even from beloved friends I didn’t ask for it from. How amazing!
A friend of mine named Robbie, even told me that while they couldn’t help me much with donations or financially, that he would always be there for me. That was a meaningful gift. But he and James still bailed me out of my negative bank issue! And Tobias, never fails to show me love. Her gifts humble but with love and meaning. But knowing her, more valuable.
I even met one of my students in person for the first time, alone, feeling the depth of her presence, knowing she too, is family forever.
This holiday overflowed with emotion, a whirlwind of tears and triumphs. Amid terrors like soaring healthcare costs that chilled my core, foreshadowing greater struggles, I clung to the exquisite beauty of surrounding love, the fuel that propels me forward.
My students’ gratitude for the wisdom and the hope that I’ve shared with them, and the promise of standing by me in the words and eyes of my children, an unbreakable fortress.
And a dream of mine came true this year too! I always wanted a chance to take the children to see the magical Nutcracker. And this year we got to go on discounted tickets! My student Jin sent tickets to a local play in case we didn’t get to see the nutcracker which I think the kids liked more, to be honest with you!
Marjo sent a beautiful tree of love card! Sveta, Jenni, Sommer, Toby, Bella, Mark, and Avrina gave gifts to the kids, making them feel like they had a family, more than just me. Jen Riley sent us great supplies! Two bags of beans I even got to use to feed people at the shelter that I volunteer at! She not only added resources for us, but those beans with rice added from others, fed 16 families! The light spread! Whoa, so many people pulled together for me. And it’s not what they did or sent, it’s that they were there for me.
All of this was a wonderful experience, but what meant more to me, were the words that I heard and love that I was given over this holiday season from the people that mean the most to me. What a beautiful promise to hear or witness, that the people that love you the most, will never leave you, when it matters the most.
P.S: I’m also thankful for the snow that the Lord gives me. He truly never lets me down. Every year he gives me even just a little flurry, even if the week was warmer. It’s incredible how such a small little wish always comes true. I only hope that my prayers are answered for this upcoming year of 2026, not just for myself, but for everyone else out there. I truly hope that things get better for everybody, and that I can be an inspiration to many out there, of how to fight through trials and how to appreciate the beauty in your life while you do so. Life is so much more than physical, material, or monetary things, it’s the memories that you build, the bonds that you forge, and the true emotions that you share with others. But above all, it’s your belief and love of God that matters most, and what can be created out of all of that.
Without him, it wouldn’t be as profound.
Christmas 2025 really engraved itself into my soul as one of the most sentimental and meaningful memories, that I’ll cradle forever in gratitude and grace.
Spiritually Awkward 